Why is texting a girl you like so important? Well, in recent years, texting on various platforms has become so popular that it’s the main form of communication for many people today. In fact, a cell phone company survey found that 75% of millennials avoid phone calls, and 81% feel anxious before calling someone.
Texting a girl first is difficult when you don’t know her very well and don’t know how to keep the conversation going. Getting a girl to like you over text can be tricky because you only have written communication to rely on. The lack of eye contact, tone of voice, body language, and shared activities to fall back on means you may need to work harder to impress her and form a connection.
Sections
- How to text a girl you like
- How to keep the conversation going
- How to end the conversation
- How to spot the signs she likes you
- Common questions
How to text a girl you like
While there is a lot of conflicting advice out there on how to text a girl for the first time and what you should be writing, these are our best tips on how to keep a text chat going to help you get a girlfriend or just get to know a girl better.
Remember that every person is different, so use these tips as general guidelines, but always give a higher priority to paying attention to the person you’re interacting with. If someone says she doesn’t like something, believe her.
1. Text her within 24 hours of meeting her
Taking too long to send a text after meeting someone or having a date (or matching on an app) can give off the impression that you’re not interested. If your goal is to get a girlfriend and build a healthy, loving relationship, you want to create a solid foundation of clear intentions and good communication.
By sending a message within 24 hours, you’re letting her know that you’re interested in her. Writing that it was nice to meet her can make her feel appreciated. If, for some reason, you were unable to text her within that time frame, let her know. Don’t try to make it seem like you’re “playing it cool.”
2. Be original
Don’t just text “What’s up” or “Hi.” Not only does it not give her much to go on in order to reply to you, she may be receiving many similar messages, particularly if she’s on a dating app.
Instead, try to remind her of something that happened when you met or reference something she said or wrote about herself in her profile.
If you don’t know how to start the text conversation, you can try sending a random meme with a message such as, “I thought you may enjoy this.” Doing so can help figure out if you have a similar sense of humor early on. This approach works best if the meme or joke has something to do with something you talked about or that you know she’s into (for example, a cat meme if her profile says she has a cat).
3. Keep it playful and start flirting with her
Make your intentions known by adopting a flirty and playful tone early on. Women can be just as confused by men’s intentions as men are by women, so it’s good to make things as clear as you can. Using a playful and flirting texting style at the beginning of the texting conversation can help her understand that you’re interested in her romantically.
While teasing can be a great way to flirt, don’t rely only on teasing her to keep her attention. Ideally, you want to tease, but also compliment, to show that you are truly interested. Teasing should be light: you want to give off the impression of light-heartedness rather than make her feel insecure (which comes off as bait-and-switch).
4. Mirror how she writes
Pay attention to the way she writes. Does she write in long paragraphs or many short sentences? Is she adopting a casual tone or something more formal? How does she use emojis, stickers, and gifs?
You don’t have to write in the exact same way (after all, you want to show her who you are), but adopting a similar “tone” can help build a connection. If she texts a lot, she may appreciate a “Good morning, hope you have a nice day” text when you wake up.
On the other hand, if she gives off the impression that she prefers cutting to the chase with texting, it may be better to skip those kinds of messages.
5. Ask her out
Ideally, you should aim to set up a date after no more than two days of texting. That’s because face-to-face interaction can offer a better way to get to know each other, with fewer distractions.
When you ask her out, make sure you actually ask: don’t tell her you’re taking her out. For example, if she says she doesn’t like sushi, instead of saying, “That’s it, I’m taking you to the place that will change your mind!” you can instead ask, “Are you open to trying once more? I have a place that I think will blow your mind.”
If she says she prefers to get to know each other more through text before going out, don’t try to persuade her. You can ask if she’s comfortable talking on the phone or Facetime if you are; it can help you get to know each other quicker.
Remember that people have different comfort levels with meeting up in person, particularly if you met online and haven’t seen each other in person yet. Sadly, a lot of women have had uncomfortable and even scary dates, where men have pressured them into sexual situations or intimidated them in other ways. Therefore, you shouldn’t assume a woman isn’t interested in you if she wants to wait longer before meeting up in person.
6. Watch your grammar
Sending sloppy texts will harm your “message” in more than one way. A text message with bad grammar can be difficult to understand and interrupt the flow of conversation. It can also make it seem like you don’t care enough to put effort into what you type.
Grammar is just one of the many reasons it’s best not to text when drunk. Make sure to text only when sober, read over your messages before sending them, and read up about the difference between “you’re” and “your.”
7. Don’t flood her with texts
After sending a message, give her time to reply. Don’t send her text after text; that can quickly become overwhelming.
In particular, don’t demand that she reply at a specific time or frequency.
Sending a message like, “I see that you’re online, why aren’t you responding?” can make her feel monitored or pressured and leave you coming across as clingy or annoying. As a result, she will want to take even more distance.
If you feel anxious or insecure while waiting for a reply, try to find another way to keep busy. You can write down your anxiety in a notebook or write down what you want to say without sending it.
Don’t assume she’s ignoring you if she doesn’t reply. It’s better to send a message asking if she’s OK rather than asking why she’s ignoring you. Of course, wait until enough time has gone by (a few days is a good bet in the beginning). It could be that she got busy and forgot to reply.
If she ignores your second message after you reach out again, leave it. Having a one-way conversation is not going to be a good start to a relationship.
8. Text at reasonable times
Some people text throughout the day, while others try to take breaks from their phone (or can’t access it when they’re at work, in class, with family, and so on).
A good time to text would be in the afternoon or evening when she is likely finished with work/school but hasn’t gone to bed yet. Texting in the middle of the night can come across as disrespectful when you’re just getting to know each other. Similarly, understand that she may not be available to reply at certain times during the day.
You might also be interested in this article about starting a normal conversation with a girl you like.
How to keep the text conversation going
Once you’ve sent your first messages and she’s replied, you want to keep the conversation going with her, particularly if you don’t have plans to meet up yet. To keep a text conversation going, you want to strike the right balance of being interesting and asking questions. Humor helps, but you also want to get to know each other and lead towards meeting in person.
1. Joke with her, but stay away from inappropriate jokes
Making someone laugh is always a good way to get them to like you and let them know that you like them. Using humor is great, but make sure to avoid black humor, sexual jokes, or jokes that put other people or groups down. Remember that you don’t know each other well yet, and tone can be hard to pick up on through text.
For more tips on keeping things light and joking around, check out our article on how to banter.
2. Use texting to get to know her better
Texting a girl you don’t know can be an excellent opportunity to get to know each other better before going on a date or meeting up in person. You can start by asking about the “basic stuff” like her occupation and hobbies and use question lists to get inspired.
Keep in mind that getting to know each other isn’t just about asking questions and memorizing the answers. You can learn a lot by noticing what a person chooses to bring up, how they deal with misunderstanding, how they react to stress, and so on.
For example, if the girl you’re messaging says she had a bad day, asking if she wants to talk about it can provide you with a lot of information. If she wants to share, you’ll learn what things upset her. However, she may say that she prefers not to talk about it, and from that, you can understand that she may prefer processing things by herself before talking about them (or maybe she just feels that you two don’t know each other well enough yet).
3. Use more statements
Asking questions is good and shows you’re interested, but don’t shower her with questions. You don’t want to make her feel like she’s being interrogated. Instead, try to show that you’re just as willing to share about yourself as you are interested in learning about her.
For example, instead of just asking how her day went, you can also add something about yours. Sending pictures of things you do during the day can also be an excellent way to share what’s going on with you. When you ask her what she likes, you can also add a statement about your own preferences instead of waiting for her to ask you back.
4. Keep it positive
You want to make texting you a positive experience. Don’t complain too much or put other people down. You don’t want her to associate you with negativity. Instead, try to share the happy things that are going on in your life (cute pet photos are usually appreciated) and ask her what makes her happy.
5. Use emoticons wisely
Emoticons can help express emotions through text, which is important because we can’t rely on tone of voice and body language to help us get our message across when we’re texting. Sending a “Thank you” with a heart-face emoticon can come across as very different than just sending “Thank you,” for example.
Look at an emoticon as punctuation: they can help you get your message across, but they shouldn’t dominate your sentence. One or two emojis in a sentence should be all you need.
6. Leave sex out of texting
This can not be said too often: do not send a woman sexual messages (or the often-mocked “dick pics”) unless she starts sending sexual messages first (and even then, you should tread carefully). Instead, wait until after you have had sexual contact in person. It will help you know how open she is sexually and if she is comfortable with sexual messages. With sexting, it’s better to be safe than sorry.
7. Compliment her
Let her know you appreciate her by giving compliments and texting sweet things to her (e.g., “This made me think about you”).
Make sure you’re not just complimenting her looks. Mention other things you appreciate about her, like her sense of humor, how she stands up for what she believes in, or how passionate she sounded when she told you about her hobby.
Don’t go overboard with the compliments. Giving too many compliments and earnest declarations early on can be a warning signal (people call it “love bombing”). Don’t make any serious declarations of love or the future until you get to know each other better.
8. Remember things she tells you about herself
Once you’re texting regularly, it can help to remember when she has something exciting happening and bring it up in conversation.
For example, if she mentioned she has a test at school or a presentation at work coming up, you can put a reminder in your calendar. Texting her good luck before the big event and asking how it went afterward will show that you care about her.
How to end the text conversation
It’s tempting to keep a text conversation going all day, every day, particularly when it’s going well. And when things seem to be dying down, there’s an anxious pressure to ask more questions to keep the conversation going. But it’s important to try and end the text conversation when it’s on a high note or if one of you is busy.
1. Know when it’s time to end the text conversation
You want to leave the conversation on a good note, so it’s important to end it properly when the conversation gets stuck. If you’ve been texting for a while and the conversation starts stalling, or one of you gets busy, it may be best to end the text conversation and pick it up again another time.
2. Don’t suddenly stop texting her
If you know you need to end the conversation, let her know.
Send her a “Good night” text if you’re close to getting ready for bed, so she will know you won’t be responding. Similarly, if you know that you’re going into a meeting or that you will be doing something else that will keep you away from your phone, it’s good to make that clear so she won’t be left wondering what happened.
3. Call instead of texting for a long time
When making plans or if you need an answer, texting can make things more difficult. Sometimes the best thing to do is just to pick up the phone and call to get a clear answer. For example, if you’re trying to set up a time to meet up and keep going back and forth, you can ask, “Are you free for a quick call?”
4. Avoid trying too hard
While there are many more tips on what to text a girl when you don’t know what to say, how to get to know someone over text, and how to ask her out on Facebook or through texting, there are no firm rules.
Every person is different, and it’s important not to put someone in a box based on them being male or female. You will always find someone who does not like conventional dating advice.
More importantly, if you try too hard to follow tips you read online, you may lose sight of yourself. The texting phase in building a relationship is meant to be one where you get to know each other and decide when to meet up.
If you chase someone and create interest by pretending to be someone you’re not, you’re creating disappointment down the line. Your partner will either be disappointed when she finds out you weren’t the person she thought you were, or you will end up exhausted if you feel like you can’t be your true self in the relationship.
Remember that if you’re doing your best to be a clear communicator and there’s no interest, or things aren’t working out, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. It may be a lack of compatibility, and that’s OK. It can take time to find someone compatible enough to want to build a romantic relationship with.
How to spot the signs she likes you over text
Some signs to keep your eyes open for include:
- Asking you questions about yourself.
- Using a lot of emoticons (particularly the winking or flirting kinds: ????????❤️)
- Suggesting that you meet up.
- Giving long answers to your questions rather than one-word answers.
Here are more signs a girl likes you for both real-life and texting situations.
Common questions
How do you maintain a text conversation with a girl you like?
Maintaining a good text conversation is all about being engaging, knowing how to ask a good question, and how to keep a good back-and-forth. You want to text with the purpose of getting to know each other, having fun, and making plans to meet in person.
What should I talk about to get a girl to text me back?
To get a girl to text you back, talk about your life, and try to find common goals or interests. You want to show her your good traits, instead of telling her: practice being thoughtful, a good listener, funny… Whatever your best traits are, let them shine.
How long must one wait to text a girl after getting her number?
After getting her number, the best time to text a girl is within 24 hours. Waiting any longer can make it seem like you’re playing games or are uninterested.
