How To Start a Conversation with a Girl (IRL, Text, Online)

Thinking about how to approach and talk to the girl you like can be enough to drive you crazy, whether it’s in-person, over text, or online.

It feels like there is so much pressure riding on that first conversation. You want the cute girl you’ve been crushing on to like you back, but you’re terrified of doing or saying the wrong thing. You’d hate to embarrass yourself and have the girl you like to think of you as a weirdo or a creep.

All you want is to know what kind of things to say to create an interesting first conversation that will get sparks flying between you and your crush.

If this sounds like you, and if fear of rejection and the unknown have been holding you back in your dating life, then this article is for you.

The tips provided will help you feel confident initiating the first conversation with a new girl or with the girl you’ve liked for some time. Whether you plan to make your first move in-person, over messenger, or online, the tips shared in this article will help you do so effortlessly.

Sections

  1. How to start a conversation in real life
  2. How to start a conversation over text/online
  3. How NOT to talk to a girl over text/online
  4. Common questions

How to start a conversation with a girl you like in real life

Striking up a face-to-face conversation with a girl you’re into can make you feel extra nervous. It doesn’t matter if she’s a completely random girl, an acquaintance, or a long-time friend.

The last thing you want is to be at a loss for words when you finally build up the courage to make your approach and let your crush know you’re interested.

To make it easier for yourself, try out the tips below for starting a conversation with a girl you like in real life. The next time you see an attractive woman, whether at school, at a bar, or anywhere else, you won’t have to think twice. You’ll know exactly how to initiate that first chat and what to say.

Here are 7 top tips on how to start a conversation with a girl you like in real life:

1. Approach her and introduce yourself

Starting a conversation with a woman by greeting her and introducing yourself may not be the most original strategy, but it works. Not only does it make you appear more sincere, but it is also less risky than using a pick-up line that she may not consider very funny.

The next time you’re out, and you see a cute girl that you want to talk to, put on a warm, friendly smile and make your approach. Hold out your hand and say, “Hi, my name is _____. What’s your name?”

Then, you can tell her why you came over. Maybe her smile caught your eye. Or maybe you noticed she was reading a book that you’ve been wanting to read. You thought it’d be a great opportunity to get her opinion on it.

2. Take advantage of your environment

No matter where you are, you can always use your immediate surroundings as an excuse to start a conversation with your crush. Just examine what is around you, comment on it, and pose a question.

If you’re both waiting for the bus to arrive and you notice the weather is clearing up, you might say, “Aren’t you glad the rain is finally clearing up?”

If you’re at a bar or club and you notice the girl you like is bobbing her head to the beat of a song that’s playing, you could say: “Awesome song, right?” If she responds positively, you could ask her if she has heard the band or artist’s latest single. Let the conversation continue to flow from there.

3. Find shared interests

If you can find something that you have in common with the girl you like, this can make for a great conversation topic.

To do this without directly asking her, look to the environment for clues. Let’s say you notice that she has a backpack with badges from different countries pinned on it. It’s safe to assume that she’s done a bit of traveling. If you like traveling too, you could comment on her backpack, using it as a conversation starter.

You could say, “Nice backpack. It seems like you’re quite the traveler.”

If she responds favorably, you can exchange travel stories and bond over a common interest right from the start.

4. Look for a mutual connection

If you have a friend in common with your crush, you can ask her about her connection to your friend as an ice-breaker.

Having a mutual connection will make your crush feel more comfortable talking to you because you won’t feel like a total stranger to her.

If you’re at a party organized by a mutual friend, ask your crush how she knows your friend. Then, you can share an interesting or funny story about your friendship. For example, maybe you became friends because you used to attend Karate classes together as kids.

5. Give her a thoughtful compliment

If you want to make it clear that you’re being flirty, try starting a conversation with the girl you like by giving her a compliment.

There are two ground rules when it comes to giving women compliments. The first is to be genuine, and the second is to avoid compliments that objectify her, like compliments on her body.

Genuine compliments acknowledge something unique to the other person.

Say you’re at a bar, and you see a cute girl. She’s laughing loudly, and you find her laugh endearing. Telling her, “I couldn’t help but notice your laugh, it’s infectious!” would count as a genuine compliment.

Generic compliments, like “You’re beautiful” that can be used on anyone and lack originality are the kinds you want to avoid.

6. Ask her about her day

If you ask the girl you like how her day is going, she will find it sweet and thoughtful. Asking her about her day gives you the opportunity to listen to her attentively and to make her feel heard.

Women can tell the difference between people who are sincere or not by their actions. Asking questions that show you care will let her know your intentions are genuine.

Next time you see the girl you like, strike up a conversation with her by asking her how her day is going. You can get more creative with this and ask her what the highlight of her day has been so far.

7. Make her laugh

If you’re feeling a bit bolder, you can start a conversation with a girl you like by using a funny pick-up line. Just be prepared for the possibility that this approach may not work with every woman. It will only work if she finds what you have to say amusing.

If you do use this approach, try to be more original with what you say.

Here are two examples:

  1. If you have been seeing your crush in the same place a lot lately, make a joke about her “following” you.
  2. Go up to her and ask her a random either-or question, like “Apples or bananas?” This could spark an amusing debate about which fruit is better and make her laugh at the same time.

How to start a conversation with a girl you like over text or online

So you’re already in contact with the girl you like. Maybe you had the courage to ask for her number, and now you’re trying to come up with a great text conversation starter.

Or perhaps you’ve been connected with your crush over social media for a while. You want to reach out, but you can’t think of a good enough excuse to message her after all this time. You don’t want to be the creep she tells her friends has been sliding into her DMs.

And let’s suppose you matched with your dream girl on Tinder. How could you start an interesting, non-generic conversation with her? One that she would get excited about and want to respond to.

The tips below will help you start a conversation with your crush from behind your screen, whether through old-school texting, social media platforms, or some other online dating platform.

Here are 10 top tips for how to start a conversation with a girl you like over text or online:

1. Ask engaging questions

Asking a girl you like boring questions like, “how are you?” and “what are you up to?” over text is one way to kill the conversation before it begins.

Good conversations engage the other person. One way to create an engaging conversation is to ask interesting, open-ended questions. These kinds of questions will make a girl want to open up and talk about herself.

Here are some examples:

  • How would you describe yourself in three words?
  • If your house was on fire and you could only take two personal items with you, what would you take?

These questions are much more fun to answer than the typical ones, like “what are your hobbies?” or “what kind of movies do you like?”

With well-thought-out, engaging questions, you can successfully skip the small talk. You can get to know your crush on a more personal level while still keeping things light.

2. Mention an upcoming event

Talking about an upcoming event that both you and your crush are attending is a great conversation starter. It creates anticipation and builds excitement in the possibility of seeing one another again.

If there is a big social event coming up and you know that the girl you like has been invited too, you can send her a text asking her if she is going. Or you could even tell her that you hope to see her there.

If you’re still in school and you take classes with your crush, you could start a conversation about an upcoming test. Or, if the summer break is coming up, you could ask her what her plans are.

3. Ask for recommendations

Asking a girl you like for her recommendations over text has two benefits. Firstly, it’s a good way to learn more about her interests. And secondly, in some cases, you can use what she suggests as an excuse to ask her out.

If you’re planning to eat out one day, ask her if she has any restaurant suggestions. If the conversation goes well, ask her to join you.

Some other recommendations you could ask for could be recommendations for a new book to read, a new series to watch, and new music to listen to.

4. Make your texts meaningful

If you really want to impress the woman you like, start a conversation with her over text by sending her something thoughtful.

If you know her well enough, send her a cute meme or a funny GIF that you know she would relate to. If she likes cats, send her a cat meme! Or send her a photo of something that reminded you of her during your day, maybe a pretty flower you noticed on the way to work.

These types of messages will let her know you have a sweet side and that you care about making her smile and seeing her happy.

5. Create suspense

If you want to keep the girl you like on her toes, start a conversation with her by sending her a text shrouded in mystery.

Here are some example texts you could send her:

  • “You won’t believe what happened to me today…”
  • “I just had a wild third date idea, but I’m not sure whether you’ll approve…”

These kinds of texts will keep her guessing and will build up excitement for what you are about to tell her.

6. Be flirty

Sending a flirty message to the girl you like can add an element of playfulness to the conversation and keep things fresh.

If you’re flirting with a girl you don’t know that well, like someone you matched with on Tinder, or a girl you met recently, then you need to be more cautious. Start a flirty conversation by giving her a small compliment.

If you’re flirting with a girl you have known for some time, and you’re pretty sure she likes you back, then you can be a bit more forward. Tell her that you had a dream about her and send a winking emoji with your message to create suspense. If she asks you for details, you can make a joke and tell her that you don’t kiss and tell!

7. Say good morning

Letting her know she’s on your mind when you wake up is a sweet way to let her know how much you’re into her.

If things are still new and fresh, send her a text following up on a previous conversation you had, for example:

  • “Good morning! What was the name of that brunch spot you were talking about the other day?”

If you’re a bit more comfortable with one another, one of these will do:

  • “You’ve been on my mind this morning. Just wanted to wish you a great day!”
  • “Just passed that coffee shop you love on my way to work, and it made me think of you. I hope you have an amazing day.”
  • Send a selfie in bed or with your morning coffee with the caption, “Good morning!”

8. Ask her out

The aim of texting a girl you like is usually to build up to the point of asking her out.

These are signs of positive text exchanges that suggest she would probably say “yes” to meeting up:

  • Giving full responses to your texts versus short, one or two-word responses.
  • Asking you questions back and being just as curious about you.
  • Asking about your weekend plans.

These signs hint that she likes you back, so start your next conversation with her by asking her out.

Here are some ideas:

  • “It’s been great texting you, but I’d much prefer getting to know you in person. How does Friday for a drink after work sound?”
  • If you want to be less direct and find out her schedule first, you could ask, “What kind of trouble are you getting yourself into this weekend ;)?” Then gauge her response and make plans from there.

9. Use her profile

For a girl you have met through an online dating site or app, like OkCupid or Tinder, you can take advantage of what she has displayed on her public profile.

Look at her photos, as well as the things she has written about herself, and comment on these things to start a conversation.

Here’s an example:

Let’s pretend that in her profile, she mentions that she plays guitar. You could open the conversation by sharing something relatable. You could tell her about the time you tried to learn the guitar in middle school but failed miserably.

10. Comment on her posts

You can use social media to start a conversation with a girl you recently connected with. Communicating via social media also works well with a girl you have known for some time but haven’t spoken to in a while.

Avoid stalking her Instagram and Facebook pages and spamming them with comments and likes. Doing this will make you look obsessive and desperate.

Rather, when she posts something new, leave a thoughtful comment, or dm her privately about it. She may not like the public attention that your comment may get from her friends.

Here’s an idea:

Say she posted a selfie with her dog. You could DM her this: “Cute! And I’m not talking about the dog ;)” If you’re not feeling that bold, then say: “I didn’t know you had a dog! What’s its name?”

How NOT to talk to a girl you like online/over text

There are some things that you just shouldn’t do or say when communicating with the girl you’re into online and over text. Knowing about the most common texting pitfalls will help you avoid embarrassing yourself when messaging your crush. If you want to make a good impression on the girl you like, pay attention to the following advice.

Here are 8 things you should NOT do when talking to a girl you like online or over text:

1. Don’t wait too long to text her

So you just matched with a cute girl on Tinder, or maybe your crush finally gave you her number. Forget the three-day rule when it comes to sending her a message.

If you wait too long to initiate a conversation with the girl you like, it can send the wrong idea. Girls do not appreciate guys that play games.

Send her a message within 24 hours, and when she responds, reply when you are able. You don’t need to space your replies hours apart to make yourself appear busy. By the same token, don’t wait around for her texts. If you’re genuinely busy, it’s OK to reply when you are able. Just don’t leave her on “read” for days on end.

2. Don’t be generic

If you send her boring “hey,” “how you doing,’” and “what’s up?” texts, she is not going to be very excited about texting you back, if she even does.

Use conversation starters that are more engaging.

Here are some examples:

  • If you know her a bit better, you could try: “I just finished a book I know you’ll love! Want me to bring it to class tomorrow?”
  • If you matched online and don’t know her well, try using something from her profile, like: “I see you love to cook, too! What’s the last meal you made?”

3. Don’t swamp her with messages

If you bombard her with messages when she hasn’t replied, you will easily scare her away. She will think that you’re desperate and clingy if you exhibit this kind of behavior.

If you text her and she doesn’t respond in a few minutes or even a couple of hours, respect her space. She may be super busy, or she may not be that into you. Either way, you want to maintain a good impression.

If she hasn’t replied within 48 hours, make light of the situation. You could say, “You know my grandma texts back faster than you, and she is 85, lol 🙂 hope you’re having a good day.” If she doesn’t text back again, move on. If she really likes you, she will come around.

4. Don’t send long texts

Most people are busy these days and don’t like to send or receive long texts. Besides, you should be getting to know your crush and connecting with her in person.

When it comes to the length of your texts, make them about as long as hers, and don’t give away too many details. If you have more to say on a topic, use it as a segway to invite her to meet up.

Say she has been asking you lots of questions about your work. You could say, “Why don’t we grab coffee later this week, and then you can ask me all the questions you like ;)”

5. Don’t go overboard with the emojis

Emojis are a good way to be flirty with the girl you like, but don’t overuse them.

A good rule of thumb is this: use an emoji when it will enhance what you are trying to say.

For example, if you want to make it more clear that you are dropping a hint in your message, add an emoji like this: “Do you have plans this weekend? ;)” Throwing in the winking emoji gives away your intention: that you are asking because you want to see her.

Another good rule of thumb is to use emojis as frequently as she uses them. If she likes to use emojis, then speak her language and use them too!

6. Don’t let the conversation be one-sided

If the conversations you’re having with your crush are starting to sound more like an interrogation, then you need to stop and take a step back.

It can be tempting to continue asking a girl questions to keep the conversation going. But if she is not reciprocating, avoid firing one question after another at her, or she will feel smothered.

If she answers your questions but does not ask you anything back, add a comment and talk a bit about yourself. Then, if she is curious and interested, the ball is in her court to ask a follow-up question. If she likes you back, she will want to keep the conversation going.

Here’s what an exchange might look like:

You: Have you traveled anywhere else besides Europe?

Her: Yes, I’ve been to Bali. I wanted to try out surfing.

You: That’s awesome, I’d be interested to know how you found it. I tried windsurfing in Spain, and it was as hard as it looks!

You can find some more ideas on how to be an interesting person to talk to in this article.

7. Don’t overdo the compliments

There are two rules when it comes to complimenting a woman online.

The first is this: do not make your compliments overly sexual. If you do, she will think you’re either shallow, a creep, or both! Especially if you don’t know her very well.

The second rule is to not give her excessive compliments. If you give her too many compliments, she will think you’re either trying too hard, or you’re being disingenuous. Your compliments will lose their meaning if you give them away like candy.

One good quality compliment that focuses on what makes her unique is far better than many empty compliments. Compliment the things that make her stand out, like her funky hairstyle or her witty sense of humor.

8. Don’t like every social media post

If you go back 10 years and start leaving likes and comments on all of her social media posts, it’s going to look weird.

Avoid liking or commenting on things she has posted in the past, from before the two of you were connected on social media.

When she creates new posts, give them a like, or comment on them sporadically, and only when you have something worthwhile to say.

Common questions

What is a cute way to say hi?

If you have a pet, send her a photo of it and caption it as “[Name of pet] says hi!” Or send her a photo of something that reminded you of her in your day: a pretty flower, a sunset. Caption it as: “Made me think of you and just wanted to say hi!”

How should you act when a girl is talking to you?

It sounds simple, but just be yourself: don’t overthink what to say or do. Stay calm by focusing your attention on her and asking her questions. Have an attitude of curiosity and treat her as you would anyone else you were trying to get to know.

How do you respond to a flirty text?

Mirror what she has sent. If she sends something funny or playful, send something funny and playful back. If she sends something sincere, send something sincere back. Say she says, “You know, you’re actually kind of cute.” You could say, “You know, you’re actually not so bad yourself!”

How do I carry on a conversation with a girl?

Ask her open-ended, thought-provoking questions. For example, don’t ask, “What do you do for work?” ask, “Do you enjoy your work?” If she answers your questions without asking you anything back, add a comment. This could revive the conversation and spark talk on a new topic.

You can also read the following article about how to keep a conversation going with a girl.

Kirsty Britz has a Master’s degree in Psychology from the University of New York in Prague, Training in Person-Centered Counselling, and a Career Coaching Certification. Read more.

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