“Why can’t I make friends? I feel like no one likes me, and I’ve realized that as an adult, it’s way harder than it was back in school.” – Kim
Feeling lonely or realizing that you don’t have friends can be upsetting. It can drain your self-esteem and confidence, which makes it even harder to feel motivated to socialize.
There are so many different reasons that you might not have friends, but the good news is that there is always something you can work on to help find the friends you want.
This quiz can help you to diagnose why you don’t have the friendship circle that you would like. Once you understand what the problem is, I will also offer suggestions for how you can start to work through your difficulties.
Finding new friends is rarely easy but spending the time to learn new social skills and build relationships will pay off in the long run.
Kardos, P., Leidner, B., Pléh, C., Soltész, P., & Unoka, Z. (2017). Empathic people have more friends: Empathic abilities predict social network size and position in social network predicts empathic efforts. Social Networks, 50, 1-5.
Tibi-Elhanany, Y., & Shamay-Tsoory, S. G. (2011). Social cognition in social anxiety: first evidence for increased empathic abilities. The Israel journal of psychiatry and related sciences, 48(2), 98–106.
36 CommentsAdd a Comment
This is important to me I just started going to high school and I wonder why I have no friends know i know why plus I also get very angry easily. I hope when I grow up im gonna live a very happy and social life.
So basically everyone in my past 22 years has basically ghosted me. My family has no love for me anymore for my poor choices to go back to drugs over and over again even though the consequences. I just don’t think it’s possible for people to understand how I’m feeling and I worry that I won’t even be able to finish out my senior year of college. Haven’t even met one person in college I would consider friends and it digs a deep wound in my chest that left the biggest scar
Friends let me down. End of story
Nice to see I’m not alone! Lonely yes!
I’m a social butterfly, a chameleon that blends well in most social arenas! I’m polite and diplomatic! I’m the life of the party! I do my part! I do have my moments! I’m perfectly imperfect! I take accountability for my words and actions! So what is my problem in attaining Authentic Friendships? I will not be used , manipulated or lied to! I have boundaries and limits that are well communicated! I have self respect and respect others! Perhaps I’m not the problem in this unsocial world of today! I do call it unsocial media! I’m to Real for most people! Yes I’m lonely, no real friends, family gone, toxic people eliminated!
The alternative to be a fake friend, to lie, to use, to be socially acceptable and have a lot of friends…this is unacceptable for me! I’ll be here, I know I’m not ALONE!
Lovingly Lonely in PA. USA
Time spent with people that one really doesn’t like, or cannot connect with for some reason(s) can be way lonelier than time spent alone. I know from personal experience.
Today’s world is full of fake liars if you want to have friends you have to be fake and lie. Not interested in fake social media clout.
I feel very shy around people and I’m not very social, I feel like people will make fun of me and call me stupid, I just really wants some friends, but my stupid mom is making me do homeschool and she said she could find people but it’s been 2 years and nothing has happened yet I don’t know why I’m not very social I’m just not, my mom says I always look grumpy but I just look that way, but I’m not actually grumpy, I just like to think to myself about my own stuff, and my siblings are crazy and mean if anyone came by they would want to die, not literally but still, I wish someone could just come over here and tell me everything will be okay, I also really want a bf but my mom said no so ye????
That sucks, I don’t have that kind of problem you have. I’m too social. I like to socialize but it just seems I’m weird and all that. It’s not your fault you don’t have friends. I think you’ll be fine. Ever think of doing public school?
I don’t want friends, I don’t need them. I’m happy and free.
I just keep losing friends and making them sad…
same its horrible
I’ve never had friends – as a child or adult – and have always been lonely as a result. I’ve tried several meetups but they weren’t my thing, as well as multiple hobbies, etc., None worked – and although I try to socialize as much as I can, nothing seems to stick and people just ghost me. At this point, I’ve effectively given up on finding ‘my people’ because at 53, I haven’t even found one person. I do well at work and have lots of colleagues who I get along well with – but they are colleagues, not friends – and we don’t socialize outside of work. I’m at a complete loss as to what it is about me that makes things like this. I have no living family and have never had a significant other either.
Dont give up you will find you group no matter what i believe
this is really helpful thanks!
You got my personality completely wrong, in fact, it was the total opposite of me. Your sentence structure is absolutely dreadful; therefore making it hard to read the question.
I am a very social question, however, I do fear that people will not like me (as I’m so loud and jolly). Your response said that I need to hang out with people more and become more social.
For real, your first suggestion for someone who is on the spectrum is “make eye contact” I think your quiz is broken.
I don’t have a problem chatting to people and I’m always told that people like me.
My trouble is that I have no interest in anything so chatting always remains shallow. Never leads anywhere.
I’ve tried to be interested in stuff but I’m just not. I have no hobbies.
I have depression and it’s made worse because of my isolation.
you can do it
ive always never really have friends and when i keep making new ones, they end up being netter friends with someone else and that is what gives me axaity.
my friends are mean to me and they think that i am always ok but really i am never ok they think that i like them cuz i am lesben but i dont
i get that that happened to me too
REALLY good article.
glad that we are not alone!!! YOU’RE NOT ALONE ! we were not all given the same opportunities either x
You sound so cute!!!! you sound like me when i was ur age!
listen, most of the time its OTHERS that are not very nice people or well brought up.. its usually not you.
do whatever u can, relax smile take it easy enjoy life… be nice to people and if they r not nice back, try with other potential friends!!! DONT WORRY about ppl from school, school will end and idiots will always be idiots x
I had to move halfway across the country about 20 years ago, back to where I grew up. Not by choice. I’ve tried many times to make new friends here, but I feel like no one really wants to be my friend. I’ve always been good at approaching people, and having interesting conversations, but other people don’t seem to reciprocate. Example: At a job I left just before moving across country, there was one really nice woman that I would have loved to be friends with. I would ask her to have lunch with me on a regular basis and she almost always said yes. But, she never went out of her way to invite me to lunch. So I did a little experiment. I stopped asking her to lunch to see if she would go out of her way to ask me. She never did. Another example: After moving across country my family had a small family reunion. We called it a “cousin’s reunion” because two of my cousins were going to be there that lived a long way away. I tried to make plans with some of the cousins that I had been close to as a child. “Sure, we’ll get together sometime.” Never happened. Almost 20 years since I came back here, and I still don’t have one person I would call a friend. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I feel like I make all the effort to maintain friendships, and my friends just go along when I call, and rarely make an effort to call me, and try to get together. Am I too needy? I’m normally very introverted and am happy to spend hours, days, even week without contacting anyone. What am I doing wrong??
wow. ur worries are exactly like mine. i hope the O.P answers
Hi CJ! I can really relate to you, and from what you wrote i honestly think its them, i think your doing a great job trying to make friends. Maybe the girl you mentioned in the text wasn’t interested in making friends. Continue trying you’ll find a friend in no time. 🙂
I just have no need for people they do nothing for me male or female I like my solitude I take care of myself and I don’t worry about anybody and I don’t need anybody to worry about me as far as my opinion that’s my business not theirs
This is a really good quiz, and the tips are quite useful. Glad I found it. Still having trouble making friends.
Haha. cool quiz. Kinda already knew im lonely, introvert, occasionaly depressed because of no answers for the past and i seclude myself because its safer, energy is more effeciantly used, people will eventually move change or do something that made all that time to get to know them lost. lonely now, but will be better tomorrow i think. got tons of projects and hobbies i lov and do but occasionaly need a friend. maybe im just bored now. quiz is pretty accurate.
Thanks for the quiz!
Sometimes I’m afraid in social situations, and feeling stupid standing there shy and quiet. Other times l feel confident and speaks alot. But l don’t know what l prefer, l would like something in between. Either l standing quiet, shy and feeling stupid, or l’m feeling secoure and say some words. But then l always end up saying some stupid or mean things l should’nt have said. Ex. Things l’ve been told from others that should’nt be shared, or negative thoughts about me and life. How to find a normal manner, and what is “normal”?
lol. same here some days.
This is a great quiz and wonderful info! One problem I have is that if the other person talks a lot I’m not good at catching the flow and contributing fast enough. I feel like they sometimes keep talking because they get uncomfortable with a pause even if it’s tiny. I find it difficult to formulate sentences quickly. It’s easier when I’m writing but still slow. I think my ADD plays a role too. I get distracted. I do meditate by the way. It helps.
My problem is I talk way too much but I think that’s mostly because I’m so lonely when I finally get a friend or family member on the phone or to talk to in person I’m so excited about it that I’m bubbling over with energy and can’t stop yacking away which I’m sure is a turn off
I’m thinking about starting a hipcamp for women to meetup at and do activities.