“I seem to attract people who act nice at first but turn out to be unreliable, two-faced, or self-centered. I want to know how to avoid fake friends who don’t respect me.”
People have different definitions of what a fake friend is. Most commonly, a fake friend is someone who is not interested in being a good friend to you. They may hang out with you because they feel like they have no better options. In some cases, they may even be using you in some way or another. Other times, they may care about you but don’t know how to be a good friend. Hanging out with fake friends usually leaves you feeling drained of energy rather than inspired and content.
How do you tell if a friend is fake or not? It’s not always easy to spot the signs. Some toxic people are so subtle in their behavior that it might be months or even years before you realize they aren’t genuine. In this guide, you’ll learn the warning signs of a fake friend.
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Signs of fake friends
Here are 25 questions you can ask yourself to determine if your friend is a true or fake friend.
1. How much do they talk about themselves?
I once had a “friend” who would call me almost daily to discuss his ideas and problems. I tried to be a good friend by listening to and giving feedback.
On some days, I also had something on my mind that I wanted to talk about, but there was never any space for me to speak. And if I did get to talk a little, he soon changed the topic and talked about himself again.
He wasn’t really interested in me or my life. I realized that he was a bad friend because I never got anything back in that relationship.
I don’t think he was a bad person, but our relationship was one-sided.
Fake friends are not interested in you. They’re only interested in themselves. They may use you as an audience or therapist.
2. How interested are they in you?
Do they ask you many questions about your life, opinions, and feelings? Do you get to talk about your problems? Do they support you when things are rough? These are signs of a real friend.
Do they listen if you tell them something important about you or your life? Do they remember special events and dates that are significant for you?
Some people aren’t very good at asking questions. This doesn’t mean they don’t care. However, you should still get the general impression that they want to know you on a deeper level.
3. What type of people do they hang out with?
I remember when one of my friends started dating a new girl. He told me she was amazing, but her behaviors sometimes troubled him.
Then he told me that his girlfriend’s best friend was a big douchebag and that she regularly hung out with some sketchy people.
That got me thinking. Why would a good person hang out with bad people like that? Sure, we all make bad choices, and it can take time to figure out what someone is really like. But when someone’s best friend is a big douchebag, and they hang out with other bad people, those are BIG WARNING SIGNS.
So, if you don’t like your friend’s other friends, that’s a red flag.
4. Do they apologize and make up for their mistakes?
My best friend once forgot about our date, and I was left alone in the middle of town. I called him, and he was extremely embarrassed and apologetic about it. He later made up for it by making a fantastic lunch for me.
A fake friend wouldn’t have cared. They might even have been annoyed or irritated by my reaction. Real friends make mistakes, but they own up to them and apologize.
5. Do they lie to you or others?
An occasional white lie is OK. For example, most of us have said, “Thank you for dinner. It was delicious!” at some point, even when the food wasn’t very good. But if someone lies often or tells big lies, this doesn’t reflect well on their character.
It’s not easy to know if someone is lying to you. However, watching them with other people can give you some clues. If they lie to others or act insincere, they might do the same to you.
6. How do they make you feel about yourself?
How do you feel when you are with your friends? How do you feel afterward? Do they do or say anything that affects your mood negatively?
Here’s how bad friends can make you feel:
- You feel bad about yourself
- You feel there’s something wrong with you
- You feel you’re not good enough
- You feel you need to change yourself to fit in with the group
- You feel ashamed of yourself
- You feel that your friends are taking pity on you by inviting you to spend time with them
- You feel that you can’t let your real personality shine through
Real friends lift you up and make you feel good about yourself.
7. Are they critical of your achievements?
Good friends can give constructive criticism when you need it, but they mostly support you and ensure you know how awesome you are when you achieve something.
A fake friend, however, is likelier to act like you are in some competition. When you bring up an accomplishment, they may bring up something impressive that they did or try to downplay your achievement.
8. Do they understand your limitations?
Fake friends will expect a lot from you and get angry or irritated when you disappoint them.
Real friends have reasonable expectations of you, and they are understanding of your mistakes and flaws. They understand when and why you can’t or don’t want to do something.
9. Do they respect your boundaries?
Fake friends overstep your boundaries and make you do and accept things you don’t want.
Real friends respect you and your boundaries. And if they accidentally go too far, they apologize when you tell them how you feel.
I’ve also written an article you might like about how to be more respected by people.
10. Are they supportive?
Fake friends get envious and jealous when you do well, and they will probably try to put you down in those situations or minimize your achievements. Good friends will be happy for you when you do well and will help you out if they can.
11. Do they stand up for you?
I was once at a house party where most of us knew each other, but the “leader” of our group never really seemed to like me.
He often gave me backhanded compliments and was always critical of me. At this party, he started making fun of me in front of some girls. He tried to disguise it as a “joke.”
I even tried to play along by laughing with them.
I didn’t notice how mean he was until later, when one of my other friends told me that the situation made him uncomfortable. He said he didn’t think it was OK for the “leader” to behave like that. My friend then talked to our leader about it.
The fact that he stood up for me meant a lot. Even though nobody dared to say anything immediately, I could tell by my friend’s reaction that he was a true friend. It also made me see that our “leader” wasn’t a real friend.
Read more about how to deal with friends who don’t respect you.
12. Is there always some sort of drama going on in their life?
Ever heard someone say, “I don’t like drama,” yet they seem to be surrounded by it? There’s a good chance they are the source of the problem.
If you are losing respect for a friend, this could be why. It’s hard to respect someone who keeps making trouble for themselves.
Fake friends are often dramatic. For example, they may announce that they are breaking up with a friend or partner but then change their mind. They tend to cause arguments and misunderstandings wherever they go. They also make a big deal of small things and don’t own up to their mistakes.
Real friends try to solve your differences and find a middle ground where you agree. They would rather have a calm discussion than throw a temper tantrum.
13. Do they help you out when you need it?
Fake friends often ask you for help. In time, they might ask you for bigger and bigger favors. Their requests are often borderline unreasonable, but you never get anything back.
Nobody can be expected to help you with everything, but real friends are ready to help you when you truly need it.
You can read more about friends who ask for help but never give back.
14. Do they act differently when around others?
Are they mean when you are alone but act nice to you in front of other people? Or maybe it’s the other way around: they’re nice in a one-on-one conversation but mean toward you when you socialize as part of a group.
Fake friends act differently depending on who is around. This behavior is unacceptable. Real friends are consistent, not two-faced.
15. Do they speak badly of you behind your back?
Fake friends talk shit and gossip about others with you. That’s a sign that they might gossip about you behind your back when you aren’t around to hear it.
Real friends mostly say good things about others and good things about you.
16. Do they seem happy to see you?
When I first got to know David (the founder of SocialSelf), I remember how he always greeted me with a big smile and a hug. I instantly felt great around him and wanted to spend more time with him.
When someone makes you feel good around them, that’s a sign they’re also a good person and a good friend.
Fake friends are often in a bad mood. They are irritable and like to vent a lot. Real friends also need to vent, but it should be balanced with positive, fun conversations.
17. Can you be yourself around them?
Can you relax and be yourself around your friend? Or do you have to put on a mask and fake it to fit in? If you can’t be authentic around them, it might be time to stop keeping in touch with them.
Real friends allow you to be yourself because they accept you and like you for who you are. Fake friends don’t. If you need to fake interests or pretend to be someone else to make the friendship work, it’s not a true friendship.
18. Can you trust them to keep a secret?
Fake friends will tell your secrets to others because they don’t really care about you or respect your privacy.
Real friends can be trusted with your secrets. If someone has betrayed your trust more than once (and not apologized!), it might be time to rethink your relationship.
19. Do they try to one-up you?
Fake friends will try to one-up you. For example, if you tell them you got a new phone, they will claim their phone is better or criticize your phone.
They act like this because they have an inferiority complex and must prove they’re better than everyone else.
20. Do they say, “It was just a joke”?
Have you ever told someone you got offended or hurt, and they defended themselves with the classic line, “I was just joking” or, “You’re too sensitive, you should learn to take a joke”?
That means they’re not acknowledging their bad behavior, and they’re not apologizing. These are both signs of a bad friend. A good friend will not (regularly) brush your feelings off like that. They will try to make amends instead of making excuses.
21. Have they been gaslighting you?
People who gaslight you are one of the worst types of fake friends because they can make you feel crazy.
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where someone tries to make you question your judgment. Here’s an example:
One day, Abby is using her boyfriend’s laptop. She sees some flirtatious messages between her boyfriend and her friend Sophie. Abby worries that they might be secretly seeing each other.
She confronts Sophie. Sophie denies that she has been flirting with Abby’s boyfriend. She tells Abby, “How could you possibly think I’d do that to you? You know I’m your best friend!”
This makes Abby confused. After all, why would Sophie lie? Abby starts to think, “Maybe I’m being paranoid here? Am I one of those overprotective girlfriends?”
Gaslighting is unacceptable in any relationship, whether romantic or platonic. It signals a complete lack of respect. Avoid people who manipulate you like this.
22. Do they drop off the radar when they start dating someone new?
Fake friends will ignore you when they meet a new boyfriend or girlfriend. They may suddenly reappear when the relationship goes wrong and they want advice, or when it ends and they need someone to give them emotional support. Real friends make time for you even when they are caught up in an exciting new relationship.
23. Are they using you to gain access to other people?
Sometimes, fake friends try to get close to you because they want to take advantage of your connections.
For example, a fake friend might only act nice to you because they want to date one of your other friends or because you know someone who could help them land a new job.
Watch out for a friend who directly asks for introductions when you haven’t known them for very long. It’s normal to network with your friend’s friends, but be on guard if they seem more interested in meeting your social circle than spending time with you.
24. Do they use emotional blackmail?
Fake friends try to get something from you by manipulating your emotions. This is called emotional blackmail.
For example, let’s say your friend wants to borrow your car one weekend. Unfortunately, they are a bad driver who has been in more than one accident. You aren’t comfortable lending them your car, and you politely tell them why. Your friend says, “If you were a real friend, you’d give me a chance.”
In this case, your friend would be emotionally blackmailing you by trying to make you feel guilty for saying “No.” Real friends don’t behave this way. When they hear “No,” they respect it.
25. Are they only around when things go well?
Does your friend seem happy to hang out when it’s a party or special event but disappear when you’re struggling or going through a hard time? A good friend will stick with you through good times and bad.
How to deal with fake friends
If you’ve assessed your friendship and find it lacking, what should you do about it? That depends on several factors, such as:
- How long you’ve been friends (and how much of that time was good)
- How important the friendship is to you
- How many good things are in the friendship compared to the bad
- Whether you feel your friend is well-meaning or not
Here are some things you can do if you find yourself with a friend you feel is not a real friend.
1. Assert yourself
Are you waiting for your friends to show you that they care, or are you taking initiative in your friendship?
For example, do you share things about your life or wait for your friends to ask? Do you try to organize activities that are important to you?
Changing dynamics in a friendship can be difficult, but it’s not impossible. You can start to speak up and express your needs, feelings, and interests. Sometimes, it only takes one person working on themselves in a relationship for things to start changing for the better.
You might find the following guide useful: what to do when your friends only talk about themselves.
2. Work on boundaries
People often find themselves doing more than they’re comfortable with and then feeling resentful when others don’t do the same.
For example, you may make an effort to pick up your phone and listen whenever your friend needs to vent, no matter what you’re doing at the time. Then, if you call them and they say they’re too busy to talk, you feel angry and upset that they’re not a true friend like you.
The solution here isn’t necessarily to stop being friends. Setting boundaries can help you feel more balanced in your friendships. You may decide to request that your friend ask if you’re in a good headspace before bringing up difficult topics or turn off your phone after a certain time at night.
Read our in-depth guide on setting boundaries for more on this important topic.
3. Bring up the issues that are bothering you
If you’re not sure if your friend cares about your friendship or not, you can try to talk to them about the things that bother you and see how they react. They may be unaware that they are acting in hurtful ways and are open to working on it.
We have a guide that can help you tell a friend they hurt you.
4. Decide how much you want to invest
Your friend may be great in many ways, keeping you on the fence about whether they’re a true friend or not. One possible explanation is that you have different expectations from friendship.
If you find yourself in a friendship that feels one-sided, ask yourself what you’re getting by giving more than you receive. You may decide that you would feel better in the friendship by spending less time together or reframing the way you see the relationship.
5. Distance yourself
If asserting yourself, setting boundaries, and communicating with your friend doesn’t work, making your fake friends less of a priority in your life is the next step. Stop reaching out to them. Instead, get comfortable spending time by yourself, and start working on making new friends.
How can you distance yourself if your fake friend keeps inviting you out? Read our article: how to tell someone you don’t want to hang out.
6. Reach out to new people
If you feel lonely, you’re more likely to feel dependent on someone, even if they’re not a good friend. By making more friends, you’ll be able to look at your friendships more objectively. It will then be easier to walk away from friendships that aren’t making you feel good.
We have several guides on making friends in specific situations (in high school, if you’re over 50, if you have social anxiety…), so have a look around.
7. Consider seeking professional support
Being surrounded by bad friends can be extremely draining and tough to deal with on your own. Just one bad friend can be too much to deal with on your own. A therapist can help you gain more clarity and also support you through any emotional fallout when dealing with bad, fake friends.
Seeing a therapist can be particularly helpful if you’ve found yourself with more than one fake friend during your life. A therapist can help you learn to assert your needs to create more fulfilling relationships. Your therapist can also help you recognize signs early on that a person isn’t capable of being a good friend.
We recommend BetterHelp for online therapy, since they offer unlimited messaging and a weekly session, and are cheaper than going to a therapist's office.
Their plans start at $64 per week. If you use this link, you get 20% off your first month at BetterHelp + a $50 coupon valid for any SocialSelf course: Click here to learn more about BetterHelp.
(To receive your $50 SocialSelf coupon, sign up with our link. Then, email BetterHelp’s order confirmation to us to receive your personal code. You can use this code for any of our courses.)
If you’re still unsure about your friendship, you might like to read this article about the signs of a toxic friendship.
There’s this person that I’ve been friends with from sophomore year high school. We got admitted to different schools, pandemic came and started quarantining. We used to still call each other and talked frequently over video calls but when school started, we just..kinda drifted apart. I still hit her up, texting her asking to maybe see each other (with proper social distancing of course) but every time she made some type of excuse (work, classes, crowding danger during the pandemic etc). I decided to give her space and didn’t prod her any more. However, I saw her post on social media hanging with others. A couple of weeks later I went out with a mutual friend of ours and it was when I realized this person was not only declining my attempts at seeing each other dishonestly but also pretty much hanging out with our other mutual friends. Now, mind you I’ve made it pretty clear I like hanging out with her and our other friends so honestly I was pretty pissed and hurt to find out I was being left out while. I just feel so unsure of where our relationship stands. Am I a friend? Am I an acquaintance? A stranger? Who even knows anymore. Do you have any suggestions on how to approach this situation?
Been there. He/She does not want to be friends and is not honest enough to tell you this. I would not contact her again, as the chance is very high to get excuses again. Words are cheap. Look at his/her actions and if they match up with her words. Looks like they don’t.
I’ve been in limbo for like 6 months and i’ve learned my lesson with these kind of people. They don’t cut cords completely in case they need you someday and because they deem it easier that way. (And they tell themselves that they don’t want to hurt you, but the way the handle things is more hurtful than being honest). You deserve better.
Umm I may have some but I am THEIR fake friend because my only friends is me, myself and I
I have a lot of these people in my life, so thank you for letting me know
…..now i know why my friend always talks about them?….
Hello sorry if this is late, if she’s going to be like that leave her and see if she talks to you! If she does she promise is not fake as she wants you to talk to her still! Dw if you have to end thing it will be ok in the end
My bestfriend said she hated my friend and then like the other day she started hanging out with her and they were being very nice to each other so I didn’t think much of it then they were doing the often but I was trying to get with them so they didn’t leave me out and today my bestfriend was like I really wanted to play with you and I heard that when I said be right back and I just muted myself and to her she is like turn on your camera I want to see you and other stuff but when I did that she was just like ok or k so I was just like whatever and I am always the one that apologize even if I didn’t do anything wrong they never apologize and they have made me cry a lot and feel bad about myself but I don’t want to leave them they are my only friends but I don’t like feeling left out and I can’t trust them with anything anymore and I feel like they are hiding something from me when I leave and stuff and also yesterday I said bye guys I have to go and they were just like k I don’t care then I left but I tried to tell my bestfriend that they were being kinda rude and she just said ok? and when I join them my bestfriend is like … and I just feel left out and like people say just leave them but I can’t they are my only friends and I cry to death if I leave them and they won’t care and one time I took a quiz and I answered honestly and only my friend was there the other ones were getting a snack so I got that I am depressed and I don’t know if friends are supposed to be like are you okay or I don’t know but my friend was like stop faking like your depressed your not even depressed and this one time we got into a huge fight and she was like making me fell bad about myself and then my bestfriend wanted to be friends with her again and she would leave me then she would be like I won’t leave you anymore I promise and she kept saying that and kept leaving me and now I am friends with the girl that said k I don’t care and that I am not depressed now we all play but my bestfriend just leaves me out they kinda all leave me out and they are all skinny and I feel like I don’t fit in.
I feel bad about you I wish I was your friend 🙁
Anytime the family need my help I always sacrifice what am doing and do that and her wife did the same to me, until one day the husband find out that she is given me food and since then the woman life partner change, but she always help me in his husband back, but am thinking of living the family but what that woman has done form both financially please I need your advice toward this situation
And one day.her and one girl were talking so I went there and my best friends told the girl that she should shut up because am coming was nah like but I didn’t say. anything I went back to my seat
My best friend and I had been friend since one and the half years now it was our final year in junior class and my best friend was in my class during the final year in junior class and there was this girl she usually talks to her almost everyday and she doesn’t talk to me she also ignores me am usually emotional can u tell me what to do
you need to say something about it to her
I have a friend group but they’re all letting someone else in the group who I’m no longer friends with push me out of the group and they constantly make plans without me and talk about them right in front of me even if I ask them to stop or when I do ask them to stop they say “I’m not gonna stop talking about it just becuase you’re not invited” it’s clearly upsetting me but they belittle my feelings when I tell them I feel upset. They took weeks to notice I left the group chat and only talk to me in school. They act nice to me and say they’re my friend and that they care about me. Is it time to let go?
i feel like my friend is fake so i came up with a plan then i saw this so i decided to take it i think this was very useful i might end out friendship soon but it depends if i can know for sure if shes a fake friend even tho shes like my best friend i still dont know if i can trust her so this was very useful!
I recently have ended my friendship with someone I’ve known for more than a year. This girl is my colleague from work and we started talking because she had a problem with her “crazy house owner”. Since we were out with other friends for dinner, we all decided to help her move houses and help her face the owner to get her bond money back. When we arrived at her apartment we saw a whole bunch of people, some were carrying her bags and luggage. I’ve realised she didn’t just ask for help from colleagues but also from all her class mates. When I spoke to her house owner she seemed to be very kind and the opposite to what she has described them to be.
After this we became closer and closer as friends and during my year of being friends with her she keeps having major issues and problems and have always called me for help but it’s always last minute notice, which really stressed me out. I’ve come to realise that she was a fake friend when I witnessed her stealing from her room-mate and tricking him for money. She was going through his belongings when he wasn’t at home. Besides this she was cheating on her boyfriend and was gold digging other boys around her. I should have left this friendship ages ago after seeing red flags but because I thought I could help her change that’s why I still stayed with her until she did the same to me.
I then reflected on our friendship and have realised that she has done the same to me with money as I usually pay for our lunch and she transfers me back but she always “forgets” to transfer me or transfers me short but when it’s her turn to pay for food, she asks me to transfer her a higher amount of money which she thinks I didn’t notice. I have confronted her but she was giving me very lame excuses. I have also tried testing our friendship to see if I should keep her or cut her out of my life by asking her to do me small favours but she always refuses to help me. The more I know about her the more I wanted to be away from her and because of this I have ended my relationship with her, the last thing she has said to me was she was sorry and asked if she could have her christmas present I bought her as she knew I got her a christmas present. Till the end she was still greedy and so shallow and I feel like she only make friends to benefit from them.
From the beginning we were getting along so well. We had very good times together exploring new places, cooking and making things together. She was never there for me unless she needed something else from me. I think I put too much time in finding true friendship and I let people in too easily.
It’s been 2 weeks now since I have blocked her off and I am regretting being friends with her so much that I can’t get over it. I have wasted so much time, energy and money on being friends with her and have gained nothing out of our friendship
i had liked someone for a short time and he was my bestfriend i lost feelings and i didnt know how to tell him and tell out group i tried to find a way but i couldnt and when i dont know how i feel i lose control or in other ways self control and i start doing things that i hadnt though about there consequences and now that guy that i used to like told everyone in the group that i pretended to like him even though i didnt i just couldnt know how to tell him i lost 3 bestfriends at the same day due to this and i truly dont know what to do please help me!!!!
talking to boys beyond the normal limit is considered a big sin and a betray to parents and i am sure it is also the same in your faith you should go back and think over how did your heart become so polluted and dirty with such ideas
Hey there!
I have a friend who I am not sure of whether she’s a real one or a fake one. Let’s call her “MA”. When I hang out with MA, I’m happy but I feel MA has a much better life. Like MA has other friends whom I don’t talk to much and I also don’t talk to my other friends (to be precise, my “ex-friends”). Which means that except MA I don’t have other friends whom I can talk to about everything. Because in my school I’m not that kind of ‘popular kid’ and at this age everyone has their own gangs. So I don’t think I’ll be able to make new friends. Coming back to MA, I love hanging out with her speaking o her etc. But MA seems so disinterested and doesn’t contribute to our relationship that much so I feel that our friendship is single-sided and I’m doing the most part. Though MA supports me and makes me feel wanted, I dont think MA wants to be ny friend anymore.
MA doesn’t reply to my texts instantly and when I ask her the reason she says “I was busy.” I feel that I’m simply annoying MA and disturbing her when she doesnt wanna continue our friendship. So what do you think I should do? Leave MA? Or cling onto her and not lose her? Because MA is the only friend I can talk everything to but she seems disinterested in our friendship so I’m really confused :/ And also do you think she’s a fake friend?
hi there sorry if i replied too late
I would suggest that u talk to MA abt it tell her tht you feel a little lonely and hurt around her . Basically just talk to her about it dont get to aggressive but just try to sort things out and incase she says that she was busy or gives a reply that hurts you from within then maybe you should try to make some new friends they might not be as supporting as MA so i would recommend you to leave her just yet . And chances are she might actually be really busy so just wait around and maybe she will be a little bit more free and talk to you how you would want her to . i would also like to add that u should also consider the possibility of her being a introvert or someone who doesnt talk to anyone much cause if that is the case then this might be normal initially untill she gets a little bit more familiar
sorry typo i meant “to not leave her just yet ” in the 6th line
Just wondering on one of the last ones it said ‘it was just a joke’ as being a bad friend but what if they are just being truthful and are just kidding around? Thanks
If it’s funny to you, it’s no big deal. This only applies if you tell them you’re hurt by something and they try to downplay it instead of apologizing or trying to understand your point of view.
And take note that no sign in this article is a dealbreaker in itself, it’s all about the bigger picture. We can’t expect our friends to be perfect, but we can expect them to treat us with respect.
I met a narc I think lie cheat steal destroy set traps play victim love bomb smfh such a damaged person I love him very much and pray tht he changes for his self . I think I love his cassanova mask best make me feel like a woman lmfao
sorry asmit even though i tried i couldnot be your real freind i feel like i m ur fake freind i m really sorry and apologetic thats all i can say hope u ll forgive me
with regards
drugs
U r my real friend . Even if u make me feel useless i know u r my real friend. Aba khurukkana topic change gar malai yo true friend / fake friend ma PHD garnu xaina
I have this “friend” I met a week ago she asked me to be her best friend and the first 3 or 4 days she seemed to really care about me and our friendship but then she started leaving me on seen on social media and told me the reason why so I believed that but now I have to reach out to her first and she even blocked me on instagram idk if it was because of a joke i said or what but she doesn’t seem to hate me because she answers when I text her on iMessage but she doesnt really seem interested in talking to me I texted her telling her how i feel and she hasn’t responded yet should i maybe leave the situation alone?
I also forgot to mention that she facetimed me and was super sweet and she even took screenshots of me two or three days ago and everything seemed fine until she blocked me on insta but she still replies to my texts
I know people that act kind on the first week or two or even month of being your friend and I don’t know what to do either so I’m in the same boat ima look up what to do lol. (Woohoo I’m not the only one!)
My friend do gossip others. And always talk about her self.
even she always say I am the best. Which is so annoying, also she is always said these that she always do so well and appreciating herself only. When it comes to me she never listen to me. she tell lies too. even though when I don’t want to listen to her still she is talking. Always annoying me with same Question. When I am not free than she will call. And even I leave important work for her . but she never do that when I call her she said she is busy doing her work. But now I try to ignore her .And talk less with her
I have this problem. So I have 2 friends, right? One of my friends, he always asks me for favors 24/7 but is super, SUPER nice. He always pays me back, and thanks me genuinely. He complements me, and helps me with constructive criticism when I need it. He is very caring, and is always there when I need him. But I have this other friend, and she only pays attention to herself. She always makes me read over her papers every day because she “wants to be perfect.” She seems to care more about herself than me, and it’s making me not want to be her friend. By her manner, it seems like she talks behind my back. I’m wary of her, and try to stay out of her way. But then she blows up my phone with messages like “is this correct in my paper,” or “give me answers for my job interview.” Like, who asks for answers for a job interview from someone else? It’s very stupid in my opinion. She always is nice WHEN I help her, but she isn’t nice when I don’t help her. She’s going to ask my friend (referred to “he/him,” the friend above) some questions; and I’m getting really nervous. I asked her what she is going to ask him and she said “you don’t need to know.” I’m very scared, and I hope that this doesn’t ruin my friendship with him. Please give advice. And are both of my friends fake, or is only one of them fake? I can’t trust anyone of them, and I’m stuck. Thank you!
I think that the first friend is a real friend but it depends if their ‘nice’ character is genuine or fake. The second friend is probably fake or she might just be desperate for your help and is self centred, she may have blocked you from her insta because she doesn’t want to be publicly seen with you.
You should try not helping her for a day or something by just saying ‘I’m busy right now’ and if she starts acting rude to you then you’ve got your answer. She’s either using you or maybe she is kind but that’s if she still acts kind when u don’t help her (hope this helped)
Called at my friend’s house with a birthday card and gift only to see a ‘For Sale’ sign on their house. We’ve known each other for 20 years and see each other regularly. I’m feeling hurt they didn’t mention anything, not even a hint.
I feel like I’m a fake friend despite only having one friend, I don’t know. I just feel like a bad friend, I tend to vent a lot due to personal problems and they’re the only person I go to. I worry that they might find me bad or something.
Next time you’re venting, catch yourself and slow it down or stop. Then ask your friend how he or she is doing and actively listen and respond. Maybe when you stop worrying about all your problems, you’ll realize you’re not alone – we all have problems, but yours are no more important than your friend’s or anyone else’s.
Also, maybe try everytime you talk with them to bring up one positive thing (an experience, thought, idea, or something you two can do together/future plans) so you come off less like a “Debbie downer”. Just an idea. I have friends that act like you and sometimes it’s a drag, TBH.
It seems like one finds none when they need except their family of course (^～^). What you feel is relatable to me so I’ll say this, be a listener rather than venting out. You can also try visiting a personal psychologist. Hope this helps.
It happened suddenly on me. A “friend” of mine just talking crap out of nowhere against me, claiming that why I didn’t keep in touch with him. It’s only few months passed before our last gathering. The thing is, I only talk real business in my group chat (school stuff), so I don’t always have any topics to chat with him. He’s…….caring too much about how long I had get in touch with him, even mentioned in the chat that adding friends with him in Discord is bulls*** pointless when I didn’t even talked with him once over there. I mean, surely there’s time that others going to be busy and do their own stuff, can’t really frequently get in touch with everyone, am I right? He’s just paying too much attention of how much I had talked with him through social media. I personally didn’t actively use social media too much, because I have my own stuff to do and those are not my priorities. Is this wrong? No I don’t think so. I think he’s still not mature enough to have the thoughts, that to leave others alone with their works, instead of whining how long it has been since the last chatting. Maybe I myself also have to be more actively to start chatting, but like I said, social media is not my priorities, and yet, he have more friends than I do, still whining JUST to me about how poorly we communicated. I’m quite shocked that he typed those words…….one and a half years had we stayed together, didn’t our friendship lasted? Didn’t he realize I’m not talkative in social media? Did he not aware and have the thoughts to provide space to the others? Maybe, he’s want to improve our friendship more by frequent chatting, but damn, life’s hard when I choose to have a quiet life.
Well Frank if this guy your talking about is really your friend then he wouldn’t have bragged about something like this but again it hurtful for you to just sit around and assume you should walk up to him and talk to him . That’s the most mature thing to do. I know you might be scared about this but that’s the only way to know if this guy is a real friend. ‘Communication is key’ and if it turns out everything is true then you understand for your sake that may be it’s time you take a break from this friend of yours. With or without him you’ll be alright 🙂
Well Frank if this guy your talking about is really your friend then he wouldn’t have grabbed about something like this but again it hurtful for you to just sit around and assume you should walk up to him and talk to him . That’s the most mature thing to do. I know you might be scared about this but that’s the only way to know if this guy is a real friend. ‘Communication is key’ and if it turns out everything is true then you understand for your sake that may be it’s time you take a break from this friend of yours. With or without him you’ll be alright 🙂
Hi I’m Debby,
i have two close friends at school. We always spend time together and laugh a lot at the silly things we do, the friendship feels strong but lately I’ve been feeling a bit out of place like they don’t really value me anymore. At school i’m not really the popular kid i more of a quiet and low-key kind of girl. So because of this it’s easy to have me unnoticed, the problem is that we don’t really talk until one of them have a crisis or there is no body else around for them to talk to. i feel like i’m their back up plan and sadly most of their crisis include boys. When we are together they are so carefree and loose but once someone outside our circle comes it’s like they transform into a whole different person, it’s scary to be honest. When i have my problems that i’ll like to share they have a way of making everything about them. I just don’t know if i’m overreacting but i think i should end the friendship and be free or am i wrong?
https://socialself.com/blog/signs-toxic-friendship/
They sound very fake. Find better friends who don’t make you question yourself. Trust me, in a few years or whenever you’re out of school, their “friendship” won’t really matter, and you’ll realize why you left them to begin with. Be happy, take care~
I don’t think ur wrong.
Thank you so much for this guides….the points here are very helpful. My concern is on the point you made here
‘Do they help you out when you need it?
Fake friends ask you to do a lot for them and help them out, and their requests are often borderline unreasonable, but you never get anything back.
Nobody can be expected to help you with everything, but real friends are ready to help you when you truly need it.’
What if they are overly disadvantaged on the area of your problem, like they’re poor and quite handicapped as regarding life generally…How do you rate this kind of friends?
I have a friend that I’ve known since I was 5 years old so we’ve been friends for around 11 years now. I feel like she’s a toxic friend but I’m not 100% sure. It’s weird cause we went to middle school together and were in the same class, but she would often ignore me and hang out with other people, but when we saw each other outside of school she would actually talk to me. I don’t mind if she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore, things change over the years, but after we graduated middle school and are in high school now, she talks to me a lot more. We don’t go to the same schools, but I find it strange that she doesn’t ignore me anymore. Also she tells me my outfit isn’t that cute or judges what I wear often when we see each other or hang out. I know friends should be honest but I don’t think they should point it out every time you see each other, and sometimes I don’t think it’s necessary to dress up like if we’re grocery shopping or just studying together at her house. I think she’s just a really straightforward person but I feel like she puts me down or degrades sometimes. I know it seems obvious that she’s kinda toxic, but we also have fun when we hang out sometimes, and we’ve known each other for so long. It’s hard to break a friendship with someone that you’ve known for that long, especially when they’re a family friend too and only live a few minutes away. I wouldn’t mind staying friends with her if she was just less rude, but I feel like at the moment it’s not healthy.
I think you could read about boundaries In friendships, you would find some useful ideas to work out your kind of friendship
Thank you, I’ll check that out
Telling you about your outfit ain’t a toxic sign honey.
Maybe she’s degrading or maybe there’s something that she finds good in you and wants to be better than you in every aspect and thus ends up picking up on you but it’s all ok till the age of 18-19 these things are normal because you’re all kids without such strong maturity, but yes I this continues when you’re with someone else or your other friends and she pin points you out in front of them , just let her know in private that you dislike the things she does and that she shouldn’t continue these things or if she’s so straight forward and is willing to put you down in front of other people go ahead and rub it off just say that I feel good and comfortable in my outfit and wouldn’t dress for other people to notice me..just say that people should wear what they’re comfortable in and smile that’ll be alright.
Don’t worry.
Take it easy.
Just remember “smile”.
Don’t feed fuel where it’s not necessary.
If she’s downgrading you just smile and say I’m alright but thanks for worrying about me.
That’s what I think ; if you feel I’m wrong let me knw.
Have a nice day!
🙂
If*
Asking them for help is a great way to find out what kind of friend they will be. My usual thing in asking for help that if I feel like a burden, I probably am. Some people (and I’ve known quite a few) just are simply unable to offer help in a healthy way – they complain, behave as if they’re put out and it’s an imposition, and use asking for help as an invitation to criticize, offer unsolicited advice or assume they’re being asked to “take over.” (In fact, I’ve found that people who
consistently offer unsolicited help are looking for opportunities to do all of the above.) When I get a reaction like that, I’ve gotten to where I don’t argue or mention it -they’re doing exactly what they want to do and I can’t change that. I just don’t ask for their help again. Complications do arise if they ask ME for help. I love to help people, but I’ve found that offering them help tends to make me unhappy, as I have already learned they can’t give in return. Sometimes relationships just need to not involve asking OR giving. Maybe it’s just time for them to end. That’s fine. The most important thing about friendships is knowing how to end them and walk away, and just be grateful for whatever WAS good.
We had a very close friend. we had trusted her more than ourselves. on day we got to know that she was in love with one of our class friend and we came to know it after 1 and half year we were not happy that she hid the truth from us but we were happy for her. After our UG me and the friend who loved her got admission in same college of PG and he shared everything about them and we were happy for them for their matter but they didn’t talked to each other for so many days. My friend, she was not aware that we know everything and one day we saw her marriage video with another guy. we were shocked and we told everything to the other friend who was with her on work(she was also our college friend)told what we saw and knew about totally different angle of her. That friend who is a married now have been thinking that we are fake friends just for letting my other friend to know the truth. we were hiding it from everyone from long time and we are even not calling her to talk about the matter because she is married woman now and it may trouble her if we talk about the matter.Its not matter of seconds to call and ruin her happy life but we are still concerned about her and her life but she thinks that we are fake if we don’t explain it to her. I everyday try to forget but we are not able to do that we still remember her fro every matter.so if you have any suggestions let us know.