530 Comments

Add a Comment
  1. Thanks for sharing… I’m curious, though… do family personalities/traits have anything to do with our ability to communicate? How about personal issues… like personality disorders… can they have any bearing on a person’s ability to communicate? And if so, do you think your videos will have breakthrough results in these areas?

    Reply
  2. Everyone says that i am very quite and shy.I am only talkative to close friends and family. Please help me to become a smart and talkative person

    Reply
  3. I’m really exited for the next videos because I’m such an over thinker. I always think about what the other person thinks of me instead of actually listening to them. This alone has been a huge help!

    Reply
  4. I do believe these are going to help me a lot coz I’m kinda the one who just keeps on listening or observe making it the only monologue. Oh! the awkward silences are real buggers too.
    Please do upload new videos quickly!! Can’t wait to learn and change myself.

    Reply
    • Great question! We discussed doing that, but then her nervosity would slowly decrease over time simply because she got used to talking to strangers, ie habituation. We would then need several test participants. We argued that since the method has already been proven in a study, it’s enough to illustrate it with one person.

      Here’s the study: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17521604

      Reply
      • I’m wondering whether introducing a second stranger would influence her level of nervousness, whether by increasing or decreasing it? To me it seemed it had more to do with her internal state (whether she was focusing inwards or outwards). When she was naturally self-conscious, she was more nervous and again in the third coaching (anti-coach) when you told her to focus on she taught Patrick viewed her (again back to focusing inwards), we saw similar results. So I’m concluding if she was introduced to a second stranger following the second coaching (the good coaching), the results would have been similar to the second conversation she had with Patrick. I’m hoping this all made some sense.

        So glad I came up on this space and the resources you provide! I look forward to putting some of these tips into motion!

        Thank you!

    • No problem, I can see why it seems too easy to be true. But this is actually a skill you can practice and it’s not always that easy, but it’s very effective once you can do it automatically. Let me know how it goes!

      Reply
  5. Thank you! My therapist gave me a exercise to focus on the other person instead of myself and my anxiety, but I didn’t know how to do it. These are some great tools! Thanks

    Reply
  6. How can this be used to help a teenager (15) who gets very anxious and avoids going somewhere or trying out for sports when they don’t know other teenagers?

    Thank you,

    Reply
  7. I struggle with anxiety a severe case when I’m in a big room or area with strangers my heart beat speeds up and my hands start to sweat and I get real stiff what kind I do to get rid of that?

    Reply
    • You cannot “get rid of” anxiety. Your body’s response will change over time as you try to be social and learn that it’s not unsafe (your body’s reason for having anxiety). You gain more confidence and the anxiety just lessens over time. If you never challenge anxiety (by facing what makes you anxious) it won’t go away by itself.

      Reply
    • According to my observation, this happens because your focus gets divided among so many people. Instead focus on one face at a time, and keep moving through many faces in the crowd, it’s important to look at faces close to you and further from you, left right and center. When you focus on these faces marvel at the wonder of nature and how varied these faces are, this is to bring a small smile to your stare.
      This is the same as OFC, it’s ok to be nervous in a large gathering, focus on faces, be curious about those faces.

      Reply

Leave a Comment