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How to Double Your Confidence in 5 Minutes

The science behind the experiment

In our course “How to Talk to People & Make Friends With Them“, you’ll learn how to talk to people and connect with them—even if you don’t know what to say or get stuck in endless small talk.

How will you use what you learned in this video clip? Share in the comments below! If someone writes something you agree with, let them know you have their support!

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466 Comments

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    • That’s a tough one, if you get nothing back, it’s almost impossible because that means they don’t want to talk (or they are really nervous/stiff/shy).

      The question is why you don’t get anything back? Is it because you don’t show interest in them and only talk about what you find interesting? Is it a new person or someone you know from before? I’d start looking at the reasons why you get nothing back and trying to experiment with different approaches there. Like showing more interest in others, asking more follow-up questions, and see if that changes something.

      Reply
    • Learn to read body language instead, be curious about body language. For example is the other person’s feet facing straight towards you or pointing away from you. The person you are talking to can sometimes choose to remain silent but they are sure unable to hide body language signs. If the feet are pointing towards you then there is interest but the person is too nervous to talk to you. Try to talk about something non personal at this juncture in order to open a conversation. If the feet are pointing away from you, then they are not interested in a talk. The reason is not always you, it might be that they had a bad day at work. Thinking it’s always about you is being self centered.

      Reply
  1. Great video, hope this will help me because am just socially shy and I find it hard to talk to strangers. Am eager to watch more and ready to practice.

    Reply
  2. I am looking for suggestions how to help adult daughter who is hyper talker.
    It is hard to be around her because she talks so fast ; I want to say stop and breathe!
    Thank you for any suggestions.
    Phyllis

    Reply
    • Let her be when she needs to be. Maybe ask her to use her words more carefully. You might find that it’s poetry in motion.

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  3. Please can you help me to be a better communicator with my wife after being put down and receiving what may be considered unhealthy criticism for 5yrs .

    Reply
  4. I was sent this video by my wife. I received a lot of great insight to a few things to work on like eye contact and confidence. As I said i suffer at communication due ito a lack of confidence. And being talked down to like a child when a parent constantly tells them they will never be anything.

    Reply
  5. This makes absolute sense. Just allow the body to do what it wants and accept it really helps me. Thank you! I will practice and apply.

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    • I have no quams with admitting I’m wrong because I can’t know it all . I admit that I have room for improvement so if she thinks it will help I’m willing to try it with my whole heart. My communication skill suck. Due to some things such as a put downs and a few others. A once social butterfly has went back into the cacoon can you help me now that you’ve been more informed of my situation?

      Reply
  6. I know that I am confident, but I tend to second-guess myself and get anxious, especially when conversating with people I’m not too familiar with, while also speaking at a fast pace (bad habit I have around anyone). I want more awareness of myself in a conversation(in general; like dos and don’ts) while also increasing my focus on the other person in a curious way. Thank you for these videos!

    Reply
    • Good goals Amy, I see you have already thought about this topic quite a bit already which is great. Being aware and acknowledging our problems is always the first step. 🙂

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      • I too will work on my goals and have confidence in my decisions. Regardless of what others think. I will build heathy borders and not shut down.

    • Same story here! Sometimes I’m really confident, positive and assertive; other times I feel myself quite fragile and couldn’t handle even a conversation with the colleague I know..

      Great video! The first one of about 50 articles I have read on the topic so far.

      Thank you & looking forward for the next ones

      Reply
  7. I have the same problem. It feels like whenever i want to meet someone it is more forced. I also have problem with small talk and don’t know how to get through it. Awkward silences are also something that happen a lot 🙁

    Reply
  8. This is great. I’m wondering how it applies to those conversations with people that aren’t total strangers but you also don’t feel comfortable with. I find I have difficulty being in my own head less with strangers and more with people I’m “supposed to” know well or be able to keep conversation with.

    Reply
    • Same thing with my teenage daughter! I am hoping to help her to be more comfortable with her classmates. She can connect better with people she just met than those she has known for years.

      Reply
      • Am 61 years old, trying to relate to people in their 20’-50’ age group. It a one week event every year. Everyone seems to know each other. Having trouble trying to fit in.

      • First of all it’s good hanging out with young people. If this time you don’t get too much acceptance by the tribe, it’s just a sign you need to do this more often. I know a 96 year old lawyer who teaches just to stay connected to young people. Find avenues where you can connect with young. Go to a local couchsurfing weekly meeting, if there is none try starting one in your town or city. Be the organizer lend your experience to help young connect.

  9. good video! I just thing that the concept of self image and subjective priority regarding what one considers as good characteristics about oneself are big factors as well. e.g i meet a new person and i think that I am a very attractive person and at the same time i think that my good looks help a lot in making people like me and that helps me feel comfortable in such a situation i will feel confident with regards to my looks, but in another situation say i think looks make people like me but i don’t think of myself as an attractive person then i will not be confident. a solution in this case will be to change my perspective to thinking that my looks do not matter and what i say matters more, then regardless of my looks i will feel comfortable that is if i am a confident speaker.

    Reply
  10. It works. By just staying curious with what the other person is saying, i sometimes found myself really interested in our topic.
    It’s very nice, thank you.

    Reply
      • Hi David,

        I’ve recently went through a rough job change that led me to start having anxiety, depression and panic attacks, eventually I left to preserve my well being.

        Since then, I’ve been having massive difficulty in Social relationship, with friends, loved ones and specially strangers. Always getting self conscious and constantly anxious.

        Your tips look very helpful, thanks for sharing this!

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