Why would someone suddenly stop talking to you? You might have been friends for a long time and thought that it was a solid friendship. They used to respond to your messages quickly, but all of a sudden, it’s radio silence.
Perhaps you’ve met just recently but felt that there was a potential for a solid connection. In either case, it’s a jarring experience when you reach out to someone after what you thought was a pleasurable meeting, only not to get any response back.
It’s easy to blame ourselves and assume that we’ve done something wrong. When someone “ghosts” us with no explanation, it can make us anxious and paranoid. We might go through all our interactions in our minds, trying to analyze them. We might get the urge to send message after message, regretting our words each time we don’t get a reply.
What does it mean when someone stops replying to us? Did we do something to upset them? Why aren’t they telling us why they’ve decided to cut contact? We can drive ourselves crazy with these questions.
When someone stops talking to us with no explanation, we can’t be sure if it’s something that we did. After all, it might have nothing to do with us. However, if this has happened to you several times in the past, it’s worth examining.
- Reasons why people stop talking to you
- Should you contact them?
- Tinder and dating apps
- Things to remember
Reasons why people stop talking to you
If someone has stopped talking to you, it could mean many things: they might be busy, overwhelmed, depressed, angry at you, or disinterested in continuing a relationship for another reason. When we don’t get an explanation, it’s up to us to try to figure out what happened.
Here are some questions that you can ask yourself to understand why someone stopped talking to you:
Are they going through something right now?
Some people want to be by themselves when they’re going through a hard time. It could be that they aren’t comfortable asking for help or are simply feeling overwhelmed. Depression can make people think that they shouldn’t reach out, out of fear of being a burden. They might think that no one can understand.
If this is the case, you can send them a message that you’re around if they need anything, but don’t push too much. Give them space. They’ll talk to you if and when they’re ready. Some people eventually reconnect but opt to ignore the reasons that caused them to disappear in the first place. Pushing someone to talk about difficult topics might scare them away.
Some people tend to “disappear” from their friends when they enter a new romantic relationship. Don’t take it personally – this is their personal tendency and says nothing about you.
Is it just you?
If you have mutual friends, it can be worth asking them if they’ve heard from the person who has stopped talking to you. You don’t have to share the whole story. If your friends have heard from this person, don’t ask them too many questions. They probably won’t feel comfortable getting involved. Just knowing whether you’re the only person your friend has stopped talking to can give you enough valuable information to go by.
Could they have been hurt by something you’ve said or done?
Sometimes we make jokes that hurt other people. Someone else can understand our playful teasing as a hurtful jab. Remember that everyone has different things that they’re sensitive about. Certain topics are “off-topic.” It could be their weight or something not directly related to them, like jokes involving rape or using sexist or racist stereotypes.
Can’t think of anything specific that you may have done? This situation might be “the straw that broke the camel’s back.” For example, maybe you made a comment that wasn’t supportive but wasn’t that bad – in your eyes. However, if you’ve made such comments in the past, your friend might be unwilling to put up with it anymore.
Are you coming on too strong?
When we meet someone we click with, it’s easy to get excited. We might message the person again several times after an initial meeting. Some people might feel overwhelmed by receiving many comments or discussing feelings at the beginning of a friendship. Were you usually the one messaging them, or did they initiate conversations?
Were your conversations meaningful?
Were your conversations of the “what’s up?” “not much” variety, or did you have concrete plans for a meeting? Sometimes we can try to keep in contact with someone by messaging them regularly, but the conversation lacks substance and doesn’t develop. We might try again and again, but our conversation partner might prefer to take a step back.
Have you been considerate of your friend’s feelings?
Perhaps you haven’t done or said something specific in your last meeting, but have made yourself less attractive as a friend by not being considerate about your friend’s needs.
Some examples of things that might have made your friend decide to cut contact include:
Being consistently late or changing plans at the last minute
If your friend feels that you don’t take your plans seriously, they will conclude that you don’t respect them and their time.
Not showing interest in their life
Maybe your friend mentioned something that they were going through, but you never asked them about it. Perhaps they felt that your give-and-take was more “take” from your end. We must show our friends that we care about what they’re going through.
Being emotionally demanding or using your friends as therapists
Friends should be able to lean on each other for support. However, your friend shouldn’t be your sole support. If your friend felt that they always need to be available for you, it might have gotten too much for them. You can work on this by developing emotional regulation tools through yoga, therapy, journaling, and self-help books.
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Talking about others behind their back
Even if you’ve never said anything bad about your friend, they might have doubts if they hear you talking poorly about other friends. If you find yourself gossiping, criticizing others, or sharing other people’s personal information, your friend might be doubting if they can trust you.
These are some examples of behaviors that might have been “the straw that broke the camel’s back”. Your friend might have decided that you aren’t the kind of friend they want in their lives. If you recognize yourself in any of these behaviors, look at this as an opportunity to learn. We all have unhealthy behaviors that we can “unlearn” if we open ourselves to the possibility of change.
Should you contact someone who stopped talking to you?
It can be hard to decide if you should contact someone or not. Your decision depends on the reason they stopped talking to you and on your previous actions. Here are a few questions to help you decide whether you should reach out to a person who stopped talking to you:
Have you tried to contact them several times already?
If you’ve sent someone several messages and they ignore you, it may be time to give up. Maybe they just need a break and they’ll come back, or perhaps they’ve decided to cut contact for whatever reason. Sometimes it’s better to cut our losses and move on.
Do you think you’ve done something that has upset them?
If you can think of something that you’ve said or done that might have been hurtful, you can contact the person and say something like, “I realize that this comment I made might have been hurtful. I apologize for that. Hurting you was never my intention.”
Make sure not to minimize a person’s feelings or justify yourself too much. Saying, “I didn’t mean to hurt you with my joke. You shouldn’t be so sensitive”, or “I’m sorry about what I said, but you were the one who was late, so you should have known I’d be upset,” are not proper apologies.
Is it a pattern?
Even if someone cuts you off for reasons that have nothing to do with you, that doesn’t mean that you should keep contacting them or be there when they return. You deserve relationships that will make you feel safe and respected.
If someone stops responding to you for extended periods with no explanation, tell them that it bothers you. If they don’t apologize and attempt to explain and make amends, consider if this is the type of relationship you want to have in your life. A true friend will make an effort with you.
Reasons why someone stops responding on Tinder or other dating apps
Sometimes people stop replying on Tinder or other dating apps. Here are some of the reasons people stop responding on dating apps:
They didn’t find your conversation interesting enough
The way you interacted in conversations is one of the only measures that you can try to control. Your interaction should feel like an easygoing back-and-forth. That means that there should be a mix of answering and asking. Try not to make it look like an interview, though. Add some details, rather than just giving short answers. For example,
Q: I study engineering too. What are you interested in?
A: Green engineering. What about you?
Now, instead of just leaving it at that, you can write a bit more so that your conversation partner has something to go on rather than just asking you a different question. You can write something like,
“I like the idea of helping people design more eco-friendly houses. I think I’d prefer to work with private clients, rather than big companies. I’m not sure yet, though.”
Remember that your conversation is an opportunity to get to know each other. You can use gentle humor (no “negging” or anything that can come across as rude) to get a peek at each other’s personalities.
Don’t start the conversation with a simple “hey.” Try to ask about something in their profile, or share something that you’re doing, or perhaps a joke. Don’t make comments about someone’s appearance early on, as that could make them feel uncomfortable. You can read more specific advice about how to have better online conversations that you can use on online dating apps.
They’ve met someone else
Perhaps they’ve gone on a date with someone else before they could get to know you. Many people will stop conversations on Tinder after the first few dates with someone until they have a better idea of whether that relationship will work out or not. In cases such as this, it isn’t personal, just a numbers game and luck.
They’re taking a break from the app
Online dating can be exhausting, and sometimes you just need a break. Someone who has been doing dating apps day in and day out for a while might find themselves starting to get bitter or jaded. They might use those feelings as a cue to take a break and come back more refreshed.
You just didn’t click
Sometimes you’ll say all the right things but to the wrong person. Your joke that your conversation partner found distasteful might have been hilarious to other ears (or eyes). It sucks that people just stop replying, but most people don’t feel comfortable writing, “I’m not getting the impression that we would get along.” Remember that it can take a while until you find someone you’re compatible with, so don’t give up.
Things to remember
- It’s normal to go through periods where we don’t talk to people. Life happens, and a friend we used to talk to daily might become someone we catch up with every few months. A low frequency of contact doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t consider you a friend.
- Sometimes relationships end, and that’s OK. Let yourself mourn your relationship and what could have been, but try not to dwell too much or blame yourself.
- Every relationship is a learning opportunity. Life is a continual journey, and we are always changing. Take the lessons that you’ve learned from these interactions and apply them to future interactions you will have.
- Don’t beat yourself up. Even if someone has stopped talking to you because they don’t find you interesting or you’ve done something to upset them, it doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you.
- You’ll meet more people and have other relationships. It always hurts when we lose someone in our lives, but this isn’t the end. We can’t fully plan what will happen as we go through life. We will meet more people and make new connections.
16 CommentsAdd a Comment
My Mom she keeps coming in my room I would like her to stay out of my room and to stop talking to me.
My mom keeps talking to me and I would like her to stop talking to me right now. And to stay out of my room.
You say that your friend is talking with other tenants in the building, but he is no longer talking to you. This makes me wonder if gossip and badmouthing could be to blame. Is there anyone else in the building you were having trouble with?
I was replying to a comment, but posted in the wrong place.
Right now my mom is no longer talking to me and staying out of my room no longer tells me where she’s going and no longer bringing my laundry to my room. No longer make me dinner breakfast and lunch. No longer be saying my name no longer call me on my cellphone anymore. Return my bank card to me and then permanently stay away from my room.
maybe hurt her feelings by saying something u didn’t meant, try to communicate with her
Hi there, I’m new here.
I dated an Asian girl and when we first met we were all the time together since Day 1 – 1 night in her apartment and the rest of the time in my apartment even for straight weeks. She was so caught by me, and we felt comfortable together. She was also calling me with sweet names and looking for attentions. I wasn’t ready for a relationship, though. Later, after 4 months she suddenly left in the evening while I was sleeping before going to work (unfortunately I work during the night) and her motivation was just “I just want to travel”, after an abundant week of radio silence. Then, she asked for the last time help with her English test which I kindly did without hesitation. In the meantime, especially the last 2 weeks before she disappeared I started feeling a growing interest in her and more confidence about dating her, with a possible positive outcome. After a couple of days she didn’t reply back to my messages and she stopped calling me with cute names. Radio silence, again. I didn’t insist and gave her the space she needed (based on my respect to give her space and time to reply back). After a month and a half she wrote me asking how I was. We exchanged very few messages then, and she disappeared again.
When I contact her, she replies few messages back (very slowly) and disappear again. She told me in the beginning that there was nothing wrong with us, just she wanted time for herself to travel and make a roundtrip and eventually come back in the same place we met. It’s been 3 months already without seeing her. I still feel interest for her and I feel sad and consumed by anxiety because she ignores me this way. The only interaction left is her looking at ALL of my Facebook stories quite often, at least 2-3 times a day, but still no messages, no likes, no comments, no calls, nothing. I don’t want to bother her and let things go, hoping to have her feedback soon, and meet. When we were together (not officially as a couple) she seemed to me a genuine person with genuine feelings and she really cared for me. I miss her so much. I’m reluctant to date other girls or have any/no strings attached, unless it is just to talk and be very simple friends. It is possible that she is still interested somehow? Should I wait or just give up? Thanks for everyone who replies, and have a wonderful day! WoP (not my real name)
I am a mother of 4 grown daughters and 2 grown sons! I recently spent my b-day with one daughter on Key West for a week! She treated me disrespectful and we argued most of the time! Now she doesn’t talk to me! I couldn’t believe I was actually experiencing this! I am broken hearted and need help getting past this! I am 72!
I have been cut off totally by someone i thought was a friend who lives in the opposite studio blocks across the garden. I’ve known him since 2014, I used to look after his cat and his flat when he went on holiday, used to tidy and clean his flat for him, made and planted a lovely area for him with flowers etc outside his window, in fact i could do no wrong. I used to get invited over for tea/coffee at times, I thought this guy was a nice person. A few months back he would say ‘you must come over for a tea’ then i noticed he would make different excuses each time. Then one day i texted him (from down the road near our flats, to say i had some of the plant feed he needs and i can drop it by unless he wants to collect it later? He texted back straight away and said he is not home? I got up to our flats and saw his window open and he was looking out the window. He saw me and quickly shut the window and curtains? I messaged him and said ‘i thought you were out? I just saw you leaning out the window’ he messaged back saying in block caps with a swear word in the message that he was I’M F*#*ING NOT AT HOME OK!!!’ I was taken aback as i had just saw him, so had my neighbour?
Ever since then he has totally ignored me, and that was last year. I was sitting in the garden near the road where theres a low wall last week and he was coming up the road and i heard him say ‘for f**k sake, not him’ and he walked out onto the road to avoid walking past me? I actually said to him ‘Steve have i upset you in any way?’ He replied ‘why?’ So i politely said ‘ well you have been ignoring me for the last few months, and now you see me and swear and avoid even walking on the pavement to pass me? ‘ he muttered something and walked off ignoring me again!
I was in the communal garden yesterday and he glared out of window at me, as soon as i went into my block opposite his, he opened his window and as soon as i came back down to water the plants on my side, he slammed his window shut? He won’t tell me what is wrong, yet he will stop and chat to other tenants and another neighbour Matt and his other neighbours Will and Imogen. I have done nothing bad, not been rude to this guy, never crowded his space etc… he will not tell me what on earth is wrong and it is really bugging me now
Flat w/shared garden- When a person shows you who they are- believe them and move forward. This man is extremely angry about something he has heard about you or something you may have said. He could also be blaming you for something that happened that you may not have even done. It seems you have been a giving friend and sometimes no matter what you do some people feel entitled and they don’t truly appreciate you. Regardless of what happened, he is not the type of person that you should want in your life at all. His responses and actions towards you are disrespectful and unproductive. This man is not a mentally stable individual. The best thing to do is ignore him completely. Don’t even glance in his direction. Don’t talk to him and don’t talk about him with other neighbors. Be kind to everyone and don’t let other people’s issues and bad behavior bring you down to that bad energy. If he happens to approach you , be kind but do not trust him. Even if he starts to act cordial again he has proven he is not worthy of your giving friendship. Focus on the friends that do bring positivity to your life. A true friend will try to work things out or at least address issues in a civil manner. Friendship is reciprocal so don’t put energy in to someone like him.
Thank you so much for your reply. Everything you have said makes perfect sense. I will definitely take on board what you have said 100%
I have experienced this twice…it hurts so bad. Just when you think you were getting along well to a point of saying “I love you”. The person goes silent. It messed up my trust and honestly, I won’t be looking for love anymore. I have hurt to an extent that I feel I can’t be able to trust a man again.
Hi Vera, this happened with me with the last story. I also published here in the comments
I regularly get this on dating sites. I have to come to the conclusion that it is something wrong with me. Typical scenario: They make 1st contact and I respond. They come back to me and I respond again – then they block me, or leave the site. Examining what is in the article, I do not appear to be making the ‘common’ mistakes :-((
That’s normal to experience for most men on dating apps, very very common. There’s not something wrong with you just because someone who doesn’t know you don’t want to keep talking. Don’t give up on yourself.
I didnt get to know too many people in my life but i seem to be clicking with nobody, i guess i have to try to be more vulnerable