How to Get Past The Small Talk And Connect

Do you want to be good at talking to people and connecting with them?

We’ve had a massive interest in a course that helps take you all the way — step by step — from “Hi” to hanging out with someone as a close friend. Therefore, we created “How to Talk to People & Make Friends With Them”.

The course helps you connect with anyone and with the system, the community, and the course format, you’ll get better results than we could ever achieve in our emails.

This course is for you who…

  1. Feel like it takes forever to make friends (or it never happens)
  2. Feel like people won’t be interested in what you have to say (or that you aren’t interesting enough)
  3. Get stuck in your head because of self-consciousness or social anxiety
  4. End up beating yourself up for stupid things you’ve said
  5. Feel uncomfortable about being judged if you open up
  6. Feel like people will think you’re weird if you talk to them
  7. Don’t know what to say
  8. Get stuck in small talk

Learn more about the course

Why get a course when there’s an ocean of free advice out there?

With all the advice out there, why isn’t everyone a social genius? The answer: More advice doesn’t automatically make us better.

That’s why Talk to People & Make Friends With Them isn’t another “advice-bomb”. Here’s what we do differently to give you results:

  1. Instead of trying to remember 100 different things, you can just follow our system.
  2. We focus on one core concept at a time and help you internalize it.
  3. With my practical video examples, you get experience that no blog post or book can give you.
  4. Signing up for our program means you become a part of our SocialSelf Inner Circle: Whenever you get stuck or want to discuss something, you get help from Viktor, me, and all our members who share your journey.
  5. Our material is scientifically based, optimized for results, based on countless video calls with beta testers, and created together with counselors and therapists.

Advice can be good sometimes. We give a lot of advice in our free material so you can decide if our way of doing things works for you before you spend a penny.

And when you’re ready for change, we’ve got a system proven by hundreds of men and women like you who took the leap and joined our community.

Learn more about the course

David Morin is the founder of SocialSelf. He's been writing about social skills since 2012. Follow on Twitter or read more.

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  1. Well…I suck at giving replies and the other person feels I’m bored when I’m actually not but can’t come up with a good/funny reply. (Mostly with my friends)

    Reply
  2. What I’d like to improve:
    – Not having a monotone voice.
    – Better listening, and remembering, not interrupting.
    – Speaking more eloquently.
    – Telling stories in a more compelling manner.

    Reply
  3. Hi
    Whenever I’m talking with one person or with a few people, I don’t stop thinking about where to look, and I barely focus on the conversation.
    My best conversations are over the phone, then I have no problem talking to anyone even for lengthy conversations.

    Reply
  4. What I would like to get better when it comes to making conversation is establishing a connection with whomever I’m talking to.

    Reply
  5. Your video is really so helpful. I tried it with my tutor (also relative) and it was really so effective. I want to talk more openly. And also make sure that people are liking the conversation. I sometimes don’t understand why people aren’t interested in talking.

    Reply
    • That makes me happy to hear! Sometimes people are just busy. You can look at the direction of their feet. If they’re pointing away from you, they might want to get going.

      Reply
  6. I want to start forming deep and meaningful friendships. I want to be me and have interesting conversations about life. I do not want to give up. Social life is something I value more and more.

    Reply
  7. I would like to talk to people in social situations. I’m fine when I’m talking about work, but when it comes to small talk, I have a block, and tell myself I can’t be bothered, and am not interested in other people fast forward 20 years, I avoid social situations which I have learned is not healthy. I’m ready to get out in the world and meet people.

    Reply
  8. I want to improve on building friendships and moving the people around me from acquaintances to real friends.
    For as long as I can remember, I’ve never really had friends. Or, maybe I did at some point, but as people kept coming into my surroundings, the people who I maybe was friends with just stopped talking to me. Over time, I started telling myself lies like ‘People didn’t like me’, ‘I wasn’t the right kind of person to make friends, or ‘I wouldn’t ever have friends and I would always be the person hiding in the corner’. Sometimes I’ll break out of my comfort zone a little bit, but it never ends well. Either, they’ll ignore me, I’ll say the wrong thing, or I’ll make a fool out of myself. I just never felt like I belonged anywhere without my family. I’m hoping that Social Pro will give me a few ideas or techniques to socially change myself.

    Reply
  9. I want to improve upon being able to make interesting small talk and going beyond that to meaningful conversations. I always find my conversations dying away in social settings and I feel like I have no one to speak with.

    Reply
  10. When meeting new people, I usually just smile and nod to any question/comment as I might be so nervous that I can’t even understand or listen.
    I would like to be able to pay complete attention and focus on the other person talking, so I can rebound back with meaningful statements and/or questions in regards to the subject at hand.

    Reply
  11. Hi, I am Madhav a 14-year-old boy who is shy but requires support from others(sometimes). I am very shy and feel ashamed of what I say to other people I have such question will they judge me

    Reply
  12. I have worked with a team of 14 people over the past two years and I’ve only been somewhat close to 3 of them. I feel very distant to the rest of my team. Although it has been two years since I started with this group of people, I hope that I can bond with my coworkers using this technique. I’m very nervous and skeptical about whether I can succeed. I can’t help thinking how awkward it would be to start bonding with them after they’ve seen me around for two years?! Not a good start I know! But I will give it a shot!

    Reply
  13. The hardest part for me on this social stuff is the beginning. I have some friends with who I can have really deep conversations about everything, but they’re really close and THEY reached out to me in our first interactions. I myself can’t do that. I say “Hi!” trying to look genuinely excited to get to know someone new, most of them go to the superficial stuff and, as soon as I start making questions about them, they look uninterested as heck. I don’t know what’s the problem with me or with how I start a conversation, they look so uncomfortable or bored, or even mad with my presence, it’s really discouraging. I get too upset and it really messes with my head. I lose a lot of confidence to try again.

    Reply
  14. I’m an introvert through and through, but when I’m conversing with somebody else, I’m super loud and talkative and laugh a lot to sound lively. Does that make me look like I’m really having a good time or can people see right through me?
    Just so you know, I feel 110% awkward doing that, it does not feel good at all and I just want to hide under a blanket, how do I fix my life??

    Reply
  15. I know how to make a conversation going but always the person I talk to just wants the conversation to end and leaves idk y but it’s a thing that has made me feel really bad about myself and btw it really awkward too I felt is there something wrong they see in me??.

    Reply
    • Hi noah,
      I’m normally the one who’s always trying to leave conversations, like the people you talk to.
      The reason I do that is not because I see something bad in the other person, or because I don’t enjoy our conversation. I leave because I’m so insecure that I’m afraid that the OTHER PERSON will see something bad in me, or that they don’t enjoy our conversation.
      I think that’s the reason why the people who you talk to tend to leave the setting. The truth is, they’re just as insecure as you might be.
      The way to fix this is just to be open when you talk to them, but take care not to get too close until you’re sure that you’re both comfortable. You can check by watching their body language. Make the other person feel as if you genuinely want to spend time talking with them. And if you’re still being left alone, be patient and wait for them to come to you.
      This is advice I wish people I talked to would hear. I really don’t mean to make you feel like you’re doing something wrong, I just need that encouragement. So do those people.
      I hope this helps.

      Reply
  16. Something I would like to be better at when it comes to conversations is starting a conversation. I struggle with this because I just don’t know what to say. And I fear judgment.

    Reply
  17. I guess I can relate to people easily, but whenever someone asks me a question I don’t immediately respond because I get flustered and nervous and a little self conscious. I don’t know how to easily reply to the person and make that into a conversation. As a result, people just look at me this way and think I’m weird.

    Reply
  18. Trying too hard to think of what to say and then get anxious and tense when I can’t think of anything. I want to be able to let the conversation flow more naturally, and in turn bond with more people. This would make me feel more connected with myself and the world.

    Reply
  19. I want to be able to think of things to say that will interest people in talking to me. I do not like one-sided conversations where I had to do all the talking and I’d feel like a fake.

    Reply
  20. Hi,

    I would like to have longer conversations than a few minutes without the need of thinking that I will run out of topics or things to say. Just the idea of ending the conversation creates a bad feeling (sometimes a bit anxious). I can’t stop to put a kind of smiley face just so that I look kind and not just stupid and boring.
    1 to 1 meetings are the worst ones since it is much more difficult to “hide”.

    Thanks!

    Reply
    • Hi 🙂
      I’m also facing the same problems. But from these videos, I get some ideas for the conversation. I think ending a conversation isn’t a good idea, you should talk more about the current topic. And also try to tell more about yourself which is related to the topic or ask about another person.
      E.g-
      Person 1- The weather is so nice today
      Person 2- yeah you’re right. (adding) It had been raining for a while. (telling about yourself) I took my umbrella as well, in case.

      Reply
  21. I can’t make a two minutes speech in a conversation, I run out of breathe, i feel my voice is not likeable. I feel this personality has made grow up without confidence.

    Reply
  22. I’d like to become better in handling a conversation with out panicking. Being able to give precise and instant answers. Asking relevant questions such that the next person is not bored.

    Reply
  23. What would you like to be better at when it comes to making conversation?.

    I would like to be better at holding my exciting comment in the middle of someone’s else’s story .I get so into what they are saying I’m excited curious or confused. So commenting during etc…is so just second nature. I dislike it so badly.

    Reply
  24. Hi david in answer to your q i wanted to tell i am very boring and quiet i want to be talkative and expresss my ideas and be interesting and fun to talk to

    Reply
  25. Yo David!

    Thanks for the great post! I feel like I can put this into practice. Very solid. Now for those 100 fails to get the win, right?

    In answer to your question, hmm. I’d like to know…how to socialize when you feel like crap, but still need to get out there. Either depressed, or angry, or ‘with an external locus of control’ attitude and so on. I confess I have a hard time hiding my emotions, which is great for authenticity, but also horrid for…inauthenticity, haha. I may just wall off emotionally, or come off as really fake. I’m sure you know the drill. I, for one, would be interested in a post covering that, and how to not hurt friendships, or even grow them, while in the pits.

    Hope that returns some value. I appreciate what you’ve shared. Stay solid man!

    Reply

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