SocialSelf

How to Talk to People & Make Friends With Them

I asked my socially savvy friend: “How come you can make friends so easily when it takes me forever?

My friend responded: “But David, you don’t talk to people.

I said: “But if I talk to people I just get stuck in small talk—and I hate small talk”.

In the following weeks, my friend took me under his wings. He taught me how to connect with people. It worked. I was hooked. I wanted to learn everything.

You know how socially savvy people make friends—and it just “happens”—without even a sprinkle of effort? That’s what my friend inspired me to do, and I set out to become really good at.

Olivia

I really found the course so useful–I tried the techniques at a recent gathering and found myself much more at ease.

These were people I knew, but not well, so I was able to start with little things I already knew about them to get beyond talking about the weather, etc.

It really worked!! Thank you! – Olivia

My friend helped me realize something:

The only way to make friends with someone is to talk to them

But if you’re like me, your conversations didn’t lead to more than empty small talk or awkwardness rushing through your body.

Perhaps you asked people questions, and they only gave short answers, or even worse, started going on forever about themselves. Maybe you tried talking about you, and they zoned out or maybe even started judging you.

Occasionally, you felt like you had an interesting conversation – but then they never got back to you.

My stomach turns into a knot just thinking back to it.

My self-blame and self-hatred for being so terrible at forming connections made me want to scream into my pillow at night.

It’s time to move past advice that doesn’t work and learn to talk to people in a way that connects on a deep level. It’s time to learn how to talk to people and make friends with them.

David Morin

My name is David A. Morin, and I’m the founder of SocialSelf. I used to feel like I bored people.

I didn’t know what to say (and was often ignored in group conversations). I got stuck in empty small talk instead of making deep connections with people I liked.

On top of all that, I worried about what others thought of me.

I felt like an outsider. Spending nights and weekends alone in an empty apartment, I felt like there was something wrong with me that could never be fixed.

Fast forward to today, and I’ve been studying social skills full-time for over a decade. The interest in what I’ve learned has been huge.

SocialSelf has now been featured in publications like Time Magazine, WebMD, MSN, Yahoo, Business Insider, and Healthline. Today, we employ a team of five counselors and therapists to make sure that all our content is scientifically accurate and actually works.

I’m fortunate enough to share my experience with SocialSelf’s 15 000 daily readers.

Today, years later, I knew my socially savvy friend was right: All amazing friendships in my life started with a little bit of conversation. 

But HOW do you talk to people? And how do you turn people you talk to into actual friends?

That’s what you’ll master in our course How to Talk to People & Make Friends With Them.

“But I’m not some extrovert who likes talking to people. Do you have to pretend to be a social butterfly or something for this to work?”

No. This course is NOT about being overly social or walking up to strangers and talking to them. (That would be kinda weird, but I know that other “gurus” give this advice).

And also, welcome to the club! I’m an introvert who most often dreads shallow small talk. If you don’t like small talk, this is the course for you. Why? Because it helps you cut through all that meaningless stuff. You’ll be able to form connections and make friends with people you talk to

This course teaches you how to talk to people you meet that you like but currently don’t know how to befriend.

Imagine if you’d been able to befriend all those people that seemed cool, but you didn’t know how to talk to…

What would your life look like today if you’d been able to build a deep, lasting connection with them? What would your day-to-day life look like if you knew them by now and had them only a text away?

That’s what this course helps you do. 

Why get a course when there’s an ocean of free advice out there?

With all the advice out there, why isn’t everyone a social genius? The answer: More advice doesn’t automatically make us better.

That’s why Talk to People & Make Friends With Them isn’t another “advice-bomb”. Here’s what we do differently to give you results:

  1. Instead of trying to remember 100 different things, you can just follow our system.
  2. We focus on one core concept at a time and help you internalize it.
  3. With my practical video examples, you get experience that no blog post or book can give you.
  4. Signing up for our program means you become a part of our SocialSelf Inner Circle: Whenever you get stuck or want to discuss something, you get help from Viktor, me, and all our members who share your journey.
  5. Our material is scientifically based, optimized for results, based on countless video calls with beta testers, and created together with counselors and therapists.

Advice can be good sometimes. We give a lot of advice in our free material so you can decide if our way of doing things works for you before you spend a penny.

And when you’re ready for change, we’ve got a system proven by hundreds of men and women like you who took the leap and joined our community.

“But I’ve already tried other guides and courses and they just don’t work for me”

Here’s how How to Talk to People & Make Friends With Them is different

During two months, I had countless video calls with men and women who wanted to be better at talking to people and making friends. We went through what they’d tried before that hadn’t worked, and I coached them on what to do instead. Only when a method made them go “WOW! It works now!” did it earn a place in the course. 

Here are some examples of where others’ advice and courses fall flat but our course works.

“I’ve tried talking to people but I still don’t connect”

One member had received the advice to talk more to people. But when he tried to, he just got stuck in meaningless small talk. However, after using the methods we teach in this course, he could FINALLY get past the small talk and connect on a deeper level. (We still keep in touch and he updates me about new people he’s befriending.)

“I don’t want to start talking to people because then I put myself in an awkward situation”

One beta tester didn’t want to talk to people out of fear of running out of things to say and end up in awkward silence. Using the advice in our course, she can now talk to people without the fear of running out of things to say.

She emailed me a few weeks after our call writing “It really worked!!

“I’ve tried asking questions but it doesn’t work”

Several beta testers had received the advice to ask more questions. But when they did this in real life, people either just gave short responses, OR they started going on and on about themselves and never asking anything back.

Following the advice in our course, these testers were finally able to have conversations where people also showed interest in them.

“My mind goes blank when I try to talk to people”

Around one-third of our beta testers ran out of things to say and went blank when they tried talking to people. When using the methods described in our course, they were able to, over time, make conversation without running out of things to say. 

“I feel uncomfortable asking questions because then I’ll get questions back and they’ll notice I’m not interesting”

Around 20% of our beta testers felt like they either didn’t have interesting lives or lacked knowledge about things. They didn’t want to ask questions out of fear of getting questions back. 

When they used the methods in this course, they were able to have interesting conversations and connect, without needing extraordinary or interesting lives or having lots of knowledge.

“I put people on a pedestal and get intimidated”

Half of our testers had failed using other’s advice because they got so intimidated about people who were taller, older, in a superior position, confident, or attractive. When using the methods in our course, they were able to talk to these people without blanking out. That gave them an incredible boost of confidence.

“I lose interest in talking to people after a while”

A problem with asking people more questions is that they tend to start going on and on about something that just isn’t that interesting. Our beta testers were amazed when they were able to escape the “listener’s trap” and start bonding instead.

“I’ve tried taking initiative, but when I do, people don’t get back to me”

Around 20 percent of our testers had tried following the advice of taking more initiatives, but ended up getting nothing back. Following the advice in our course, they were able to have engaging conversations that others wanted to have more of – and suddenly people started taking initiative to meet with THEM. 

And so much more…

This is just scraping the surface. There are over 100 examples just like these where our members were able to overcome issues that others’ advice and courses couldn’t help them with. 

This course can help you break through where you felt like you faced an impenetrable wall before.

How come they get such great results? 

Well, to my knowledge, no one else has been this obsessed with helping people make friends. (I’ve been obsessed with it since I started SocialSelf back in 2012.) Few would spend months doing countless video calls with beta testers to make sure that the advice truly works for them and solves their social life problems. 

How does this program differ from our other programs?

How to Talk to People & Make Friends With Them is our program on how to improve your conversation skills and use them to build great friendships. There’s no other program that we (or anyone else) offer that will help build your conversation skills like this program will.

If you don’t know what to say to connect with people, this is the program for you.

However, if you halfway through realize that you’d prefer another program, just contact our support and they’d be more than happy to help you transfer or arrange a refund.

I feel weird taking a course like this. Am I a weirdo?

Some people think it’s weird to want to improve themselves. I’m sure these people probably think I’m weird. That’s OK. You see, to me it’s even weirder to be content with unfulfilling conversations and friendships.

I figured that I only have this one life, and why not make the most out of it and be the best I can be?

If some close-minded person thinks I’m weird, that is a prize I’m more than happy to pay for the amazing life I’m able to live today: I can bond with people fast. I have wonderful friends. I have a huge social circle. I can do the things I love every day.

Maybe you’re not sure if this course is right for you. I encourage you to try it, because I see how it changes people’s lives for good. But if you decide not to, at least take this with you: Never keep yourself from doing things in life because you’re afraid that someone will think you’re weird. This is actually one of the top regrets people have on their deathbed:

Regret #6: Worrying about what others thought about me so much. Most of us place way too much importance on what other people around us think about us. How will they judge us? In the moment, we think their opinions are crucial to our future success and happiness. On our deathbeds, none of that matters.”

The 25 most common deathbed regrets – Forbes Magazine

To today’s date, over 100 000 thoughtful, smart overthinkers who want to improve socially have taken our free training. So even if you’re a bit weird, you’re definitely not the only one with an ambition to become better socially.

My life philosophy is to not walk around life fearing if doing this or that makes us weird. Instead, I try to always do what I know is the right thing to do.

But isn’t it manipulative to take a course on how to talk to people?

This course would be 100% manipulative and creepy if it was about “tricking people” into being your friend. 

But we’re doing the opposite. We’re helping you be your best you: 

  • You’ll learn to express yourself more authentically without self-doubt getting in the way.
  • You’ll learn to have more meaningful conversations rather than superficial small-talk.
  • You’ll learn to have conversations where you get to know people beneath the shallow surface.

If anything, these things help your conversations be more real.

“I usually lose motivation and give up”

Around 35% of our members struggle with motivation. We were able to develop a system together with them that they could keep up with ease even when their motivation hit rock bottom. 

How’s that even possible? By creating a system where you do a “10 seconds rehearse” every morning of what you want to focus on when meeting people that day. 

Our beta testers found that they could always invest 10 seconds in the mornings, (even if they didn’t feel on top). This short rehearsal created a habit so that when they were actually talking to someone, they automatically knew what to do. 

In other words, we took the discipline out of it, and when you don’t need to be disciplined to succeed with something, it doesn’t matter if the motivation is there or not.


Introducing…

How to Talk to People and Make Friends With Them

4.5
Rated 4.5 out of 5
4.5 out of 5 stars (based on 14 reviews).

In this course, you’ll learn how to talk to people and connect with them—even if you don’t know what to say or get stuck in endless small talk.

This course is jam-packed with practical examples so you’ll know exactly what to say.

This course is for you who…

  1. Feel like it takes forever to make friends (or never happens)
  2. Feel like people won’t be interested in what you have to say (or that you aren’t interesting enough)
  3. Get stuck in your head because of self-consciousness or social anxiety
  4. End up beating yourself up for stupid things you’ve said
  5. Feel uncomfortable about being judged if you open up
  6. Feel like people will think you’re weird if you talk to them
  7. Often don’t know what to say
  8. Often get stuck in small talk

Here’s what you’ll learn:

Chapter 1: How to Talk to People Without Being Weird

  1. How to start a conversation (without being weird)
  2. What to say to get past the small talk (and start bonding)
  3. How to get a conversation going with someone (Without it feeling forced)
  4. How to make your conversations lead somewhere
  5. How to make conversation with someone you’ve talked to before

Chapter 2: Common Conversation Challenges

  1. How to always know how much to talk and how much to listen
  2. How to not suddenly be “weirdly talkative”
  3. How to be noticed in groups (and be part of the conversation)
  4. How to know if someone wants to keep talking with you
  5. How to avoid signaling romantic interest by mistake

Chapter 3: Getting Past Small Talk and Bonding

  1. How to go from small talk to personal conversation
  2. What to do if your conversations feel “forced”
  3. Four powerful get-to-know questions everyone should know
  4. How to find things in common with people
  5. Practical examples of how to make conversations with people and know what to say

Chapter 4: Conversation Anxiety and Awkwardness

  1. What to do if you mess up, say the wrong thing, or are awkward
  2. How to deal with awkward silence for good
  3. How to speak in an interesting and engaging manner
  4. What to do if you don’t know what someone talks about and feel dumb
  5. How to not blank out and always know what to say

Dan Wendler PsyD

“In an online social skills world full of so-called gurus peddling shallow and manipulative advice, SocialSelf stands apart.”

Daniel Wendler, Author, TEDx-Speaker, creator of the 2.4M+ subreddit r/socialskills.

You Get All This

  1. Lifetime access to the 4-week course
  2. 21+ super in-depth, easy to understand videos packed with ultra-practical real-world examples
  3. A community of like-minded who’ll support you and understand you
  4. Exercises that help you improve without being weird, scary, or awkward
  5. A system that holds you accountable and motivated
  6. Downloadable audio files of the lessons so that you can listen anywhere on your phone
  7. 60-day money-back guarantee: If you can’t talk to people and make friends with them in 60 days, you get your money back.

How does this program differ from our other programs?

How to Talk to People & Make Friends With Them is our program on how to improve your conversation skills and use them to build great friendships. There’s no other program that we (or anyone else) offer that will help build your conversation skills like this program will.

If you don’t know what to say to connect with people, this is the program for you.

However, if you halfway through realize that you’d prefer another program, just contact our support and they’d be more than happy to help you transfer or arrange a refund.

I felt like there was no hope for me, but it’s amazing to see the progress I’ve made.I’ve been quiet for as long as I can remember. Not until middle school did I start…

Read more

Jerry Finn, 28
Web Developer
Arkansas, USA

Helped me a lot with my social anxiety

I’ve signed up for a few courses at SocialSelf now. I’ve always liked David’s videos and feel like he breaks down the…

Read more

Kristina Chepak, 28
UX Researcher
California, USA

If it can make an extreme introvert like myself excited to meet strangers, these courses work!

I signed up for the courses because SocialSelf’s website was correct in explaining how…

Read more

Alice Chang
Mental Health Professional
New Jersey, USA

Things seem to be so natural now

Before I used to be confused as to how to interact in conversation with others. I would worry and have difficulties in conversation…

Read more

Lisa Ritson, 54
Nurse
Australia

Completely eliminated awkward momentsI had a misconception that becoming a better conversationalist would make me one of those extroverts…

Read more

Rakesh Aggarwal,20
University student
India

I really wish I had come across this when I was young

I am a little older than most people taking this course, (late 50s) but it’s never too late…

Read more

Lindy, 58
Musician
Canada

Study: A social life is worth $117,322 per year.

A study of 10 000 people in England found that having a more social life makes you as happy as making an additional $117,322 per year*.

What would making more friends and connecting deeper be worth to YOU?

Luckily, this course won’t cost you $117,322. This course is only 9 payments of $37. That’s 1 dollar and 20 cents a day (Or a Starbucks Frappuccino once every Saturday.)

I don’t know about you, but I’d choose the social life I have today any day over a Starbucks Frappuccino. (Psst… you can still go have a Frappuccino with your newly made friends)

*Powdthavee, N. (2008). Putting a price tag on friends, relatives, and neighbours: Using surveys of life satisfaction to value social relationships. The Journal of Socio-Economics, 37(4), 1459–1480. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.socec.2007.04.004

60 Day Money Back Guarantee

100% Risk-Free

Take this program and try it out. If you don’t make friends with people you talk to within 60 days, you’ll get 100% of your money back. The reason we can give you this bold guarantee is that we’ve seen the difference this program makes.

How to get a refund

If you after the purchase realize that this wasn’t for you, you got two full months to just shoot me an email saying, “David, turns out this isn’t for me”, and I’ll refund the full amount.

Just send me an email and I’ll send all your money back, no explanation needed.


9 Monthly Payments of Only 37$

Full 60-day Money-Back Guarantee.

Get Instant Access >

Secure Paypal / Credit Card Payment.

Or, save $37 and pay in full


4.5
Rated 4.5 out of 5
4.5 out of 5 stars (based on 14 reviews).


Here’s what can happen when you know how to talk to people and make friends with them

Imagine that you come across someone who seems nice.

At first, you think about all your past failures and how your conversations hit a dead end. The old you would have just ignored them, or made some meaningless small talk that led nowhere. Back then, you would’ve walked home alone, never to meet that person again, potentially missing out on an amazing friendship. 

But that was the old you. Now, you know how to make friends with people you talk to.

You introduce yourself, and ask them a few questions. You know what questions to ask, and the other person shines up and responds with a warm smile. You know what to say, and their eyes light up when you talk. You have a friendly, engaging, and funny conversation. 

You’re about to ask them if they want to meet up one day, but you never get a chance – because they ask you first: “I’d love to meet up again. When would be a good time?”

Knowing that you’ll be able to keep a conversation without running out of things to say, you say “Of course! How about next week?”

THAT’S the power of knowing how to talk to people and make friends with them. 

This is the result I expect you to get. I believe it so firmly, that if you wouldn’t, I want you to send me an email asking for a refund, and you’ll get every penny of your money back.


What happens after you register?

As soon as you register for this course, you automatically get logged in to our course portal and get immediate access to the entire course.

This means that you can start watching this course instantly after you’ve completed the registration.

The first video you’ll see is a welcome video that explains how the course works and exactly what to do next.

What to do next

Click the “Get Instant Access” button in the blue box above. On the page that comes up, fill in your information and choose if you want to use your debit/credit card or PayPal.

As soon as you’ve entered your information and clicked “Sign up now”, you’ll be greeted by me inside the course system and I’ll show you exactly how to get started.

I’m looking forward to seeing you inside!


Common questions

I’ll do my best to answer your most common questions below. If your question isn’t answered, please reach out to me by using the chatbox below.

Why should I get this course?

Why not just deal with this by myself?

You can deal with this on your own. I did. It’s possible, but it takes time. I, for example, spent 8 years of trial and error to get to a level I was satisfied with.

This course is like pressing a fast-forward button. This course contains a proven system you can follow that tells you exactly what to do. It’s created by someone who’s been where you are and understand your struggles and challenges.  This course is the very system I wish I had 8 years ago.

Would I have been willing to pay money for it? Yes. If I had the ability back then to fast-track 8 years, it would have been worth more than all the money in the world to me.

There are so many obvious mistakes and so much needless pain and rejection going through this alone. Those who participate in my course have decided to learn from my mistakes instead of treading water on their own.

Even for people who are several years behind, this course gives the opportunity to make a giant leap to close the gap. (Read here about when you can expect to see results) Many of our participants even decide to go further. They use their motivation to rise above what most people can only dream about.

The thing that got me from a socially anxious person to being the most connected person at work now is doing a lot of reading, which is how I found your course, and your research was the eventual turning point I would say in my personality.”

Prakhar V, 26

Why pay for a course like this when there’s an ocean of free advice out there?

With all the free advice out there, how come everyone isn’t walking around as a social genius?

Because more advice doesn’t make us better. This course isn’t another “advice-bomb”. Here’s what we do differently to give you results:

  1. Instead of just “more information” we help you set up a system for how to improve in real life. We don’t try to give you “all the advice you might possibly need”. Instead, we hand-pick and streamline the information and methods that are important to YOUR social success.
  2. With our recordings and analysis of actual social interaction, you get real-world experience that no blog post or book can give you.
  3. Signing up for our courses means becoming part of our big community with hundreds of members. Whenever you feel stuck or want to discuss something, you get help from me, Viktor, and all our participants who are sharing your journey.
  4. Our material is scientifically based, optimized for results, based on thousands of surveys, created together with a behavioral scientist and finally tested by a team of beta testers.

Advice can be good sometimes. We give a lot of advice in our free material so you can decide if our way of doing things works for you before you spend a penny. But when you’re ready to create a big change in your life, you don’t want more advice, but a proven system that slingshots you to where you want to be.

More advice just makes me confused or overwhelmed, is this different?

If you’re tired of “more advice”, you’re just like me. I give an answer to this question in the step above (“Why pay for a course like this when there’s an ocean of free advice out there?”)

Will this work for me?

Will this work in my country/culture?

There are many differences between cultures. Generally speaking, Americans are more extroverted than Asians. South American cultures are often more expressive than West Europeans.(ref)

We’ve made sure to take this into account designing this course, and the results from all over the world show that we’ve succeeded:

I’ve personally used the methods I teach here with great success in the US, Thailand, China, France, Spain, UK, and Sweden. More importantly, our 118 beta testers from all over the world report amazing results.

The reason is the same for why our courses work for different ages and genders: The psychology behind why humans bond is universal.

Here’s what some of our participants from different corners of the world have to say:

I was thrilled to see that I could have fun in just a few minutes with a complete stranger, and exchange on our experiences, lives, passions and so on.

Hugo, Bordeaux, France.

…for probably the first time that I remember I stopped feeling insanely awkward around someone I didn’t really know at all…

Sven, Germany

Group projects are now fun instead of dreadful and the relationships I’m building are growing outside of school as well.

Riley, Calgary, Canada

[…] I can honestly say that it is truly changing my life for the better

John Claveria, Philippines

I was free. In year 2 and during that summer I had people commenting on how outgoing and confident I was (even how much I talk). I was in my element, I was embodying it

Joshua, London, UK

[…] one thing it has done is completely eliminated awkward moments. And because I’m not putting on a mask, it’s not at all tiring.

Rakesh, India

Now I’m outgoing, social and generally easy to talk to. What I learned is that change is possible!

William, Irvine, California, USA

I have been implementing your ideas, and it has changed my life in such a positive way.

Rachel, Australia

Now I know that I can make a difference in people’s lives just by connecting with them and sharing what I am.

Estuardo Paz, Guatemala

[…] that’s so much more profound than I thought when I dreamed of a silver bullet to solve my conversation dead ends.

Bianca Gelli, Brazil

I do really like the fact that I am (now) able to hold a conversation.

Theodor, Norway

I have to congratulate you and Viktor. Some of the things you teach give what I call “aha moments” or “make me see the matrix”.

Richard, Portugal

References: Triandis, Harry C. (1994) Culture and Social Behavior. McGraw-Hill College.

Am I too young/old for this?

The majority of our beta testers have been between 20 and 50 years old. The youngest is 18 years old and the oldest 75. Human psychology is very much the same no matter your age. We’ve had beta testers and participants of older courses of all ages reporting great results.

Below, I picked out a few testimonials from participants of varying ages. Notice how the youngest one is 18 years old and the oldest one is 75 years old. That’s a 57-year difference! This shows that our courses work no matter what your age is.

I am an older woman who was born in England & migrated to Australia in 1963 with my husband & 3 small children. My husband was a very outgoing character who had no fears or worries about relating to anyone or anything. I was ultra-reserved & well accustomed to keeping to myself, totally scared of people & relationships. I could hide behind that outgoing partner, & did, all the time, for 25 years. Once our children left home there was very little of a relationship between those 2 disparate people & the marriage ended.

I am so happy with what I’ve learned from you, including that I feel a strongly growing sense of belonging to humanity instead of being an outcast! Your personal quick responses are part of this, too. I feel supported by you, thank you. So I’m super keen to continue with the Course

Christina Beaumont, Australia 75

This is sooo good! And don’t forget – your often simple, but brilliant advice can be used by us, who have left the youth! I really wish I had been given so much good advice 20-30 years ago.

Mary Anne, 47

I have more friends in my youth group than I thought I was capable of making. I’m still shy and all of that, but I have definitely changed. Thank you so much! I filled this out so you would know how your blog and guides have really changed my social life. Thank you! (I’m now private schooled and in all honors classes and slowly making friends there as well. 🙂 Once again, thank you!

Kaitlind, Corona, CA, USA, 18

Will this work for my very specific situation?

All our courses are tested on people from all walks of life. Our participants are between the ages of 18 to 75. They are people from all over the world from different cultures with different careers and lifestyles.

Some of them would mainly like to be more confident in social settings. Others would like to be better at bonding with people they come across. Some of them would like to have a better career, live in a larger house, have a bigger paycheck, or a better physique. Some want to be better in networking and business and career. Still, they’ve had great results with our courses, due to the extensive testing we do.

These people all have one thing in common. They’re quite thoughtful and tend to overthink in social settings. If you can relate to this, I am confident that this course will work for you, no matter your specific situation.

Related questions:

What if I don’t have the looks/ money/ career/ lifestyle/ experience/ height/ facial bone structure needed to succeed?

Who’s this course for? Will it work for my specific starting point?

What ages does this course work for?

If it turns out the course wasn’t right for you, you can use our 60 days 100% money-back guarantee. You get a full refund up to 60 days after you bought the course.

Who’s this course for? Will it work for my specific starting point?

When we let our beta testers try our course, we saw how some mainly wanted to be more at ease and less nervous in conversations. Others mainly wanted to be better at bonding faster with people and have deeper relationships. Some were already doing most things right but wanted to reach a more advanced level.

We’ve designed the course in a way that works no matter where you are along the axis of social confidence and bonding skills.

where-are-you-in-this-chart-FAQ

Earlier I talked about taking really small steps and doing what excites you, not what scares you. With our method, you can take small steps in the right direction no matter your starting point.

Depending on where you are in the diagram, here are my recommendations for you:

Starting point A: You want to be better at bonding with people

You’d like to be better at connecting with people. You’re able to make new acquaintances, but those seldom turn into long-term close friends.

Chapter 3 of this course “Getting Past the Small Talk and Bonding” will be especially valuable to you. Perhaps you feel like you’ve been hitting rock bottom, or you’ve made some progress already. In either case, you’ll find exercises that will help you connect more easily, without having to push your limits.

Here are some of our participants who’ve become better at bonding with people:

This has made me feel so much more in synch with the people I’m speaking with & allows me to be able to make connections more easily.

Gupta, India

As time wore on, many of my friends began to leave me, and having very few close friends with whom to interact, i felt lonely and left out, never having the adequate skill and confidence to make new friends and build ties with others. (…) With the many techniques, methods, tips and exercises that i have followed from your course, i can honestly say that it is truly changing my life for the better, strengthening my overall confidence and other skills crucial to a more social life.

John Claveria, Manila, the Philippines

Starting point B: You want to be more confident and at ease and feel less nervous or shy

If this is you, Chapter 1: How to Talk to People Without Being Weird and Chapter 4, Conversation Anxiety and Awkwardness, will be game-changers for you. These chapter work even for those who feel very nervous, anxious, or shy when it comes to socializing. And – for those of you who’ve already made some progress, it will help you to take the next step.

Perhaps you’ve already made some progress and are much better off now than, say, a year ago. Perhaps you feel that you have a long way to go. In the course, you’ll first learn to identify where you are today. Then, you’ll be able to, at your own pace, improve from that point. We won’t push you to do things you don’t want to. Instead, you’ll do what will make you improve.

Here are some of our participants who’ve become more confident and at ease in social settings:

I am a lot more confident in social situations, i feel I’m a lot less awkward and find making conversation and friends a lot more of a natural process rather than thinking it was like cracking a code. I now approach more people in an attempt to make friends or start a conversation than i previously did and for this i thank you very much!!

Armaan Chana in London, UK

I was free. In year 2 and during that summer I had people commenting on how outgoing and confident I was (even how much I talk). I was in my element, I was embodying it. I had lots of fun and met cool people. One of the best summers ever, and just cause of the little things, nothing grand really happened but I felt happy

Joshua in London, UK

Hi David,

I have always felt nervous around my boss. Today I implemented your advice and instantly felt more self confident around him. He is now much nicer to me and I feel in five years from now my career will have progressed much further as a direct result if this.

Jonnie

Starting point C: You’ve already had some success and want to take the next step

Maybe you’re one of our advanced users, who’s already had some social success. Then, this course helps you take the next step when socializing. It’s a great feeling to be able to:

  • Take the center stage and keep everyone’s attention
  • Connect with anyone and become close friends really fast
  • Be the one who people look up to and gravitate towards

These are the things most people only dream of doing.

It’s a special feeling when people are magnetically drawn towards you, just by you being yourself.

Should I go for coaching, therapy, or your course?

“I’m deciding between going to a coach and enrolling in this course.

I like that your courses seems to be really well-made, but how much of a human connection is there? How does your community work?”

When you register for this course, you become part of an amazing online community of people who support each other. (We call this the SocialSelf Inner Circle)

SocialSelf Inner Circle is only open for those enrolled in our courses, meaning, people who are just as serious as you are.

Inside, you can discuss with hundreds of others who are on the same path as you.

I and Viktor on my team are active in the community. This is rare for online courses as many people want to create a video course and then just kick back and let people try their best on their own.

But that’s not what drives me.

You see, I only need to think back to those lonely nights in my apartment, turning in my bed because I felt like I just wasn’t interesting to others.

Every fiber in my body wants to help you escape that lonely route toward anxiety and self-pity.

Because when you escape that and feel warmth and support and love instead it’s like “Wow! Is THIS what life can be like!?”

That’s what drives me.

That’s why we spend a lot of time making sure that all our members get the personal support they need.

We’re talking about charging for this extra support in the future, but for now, everyone who enrolls gets full access to the SocialSelf Inner Circle and mine and Viktor’s expertise as a free bonus.

I always had a feeling that going to a coach or a therapist must be more effective than just reading a self-help book. After all, a coach should be able to give you more personalized help than any self-help could ever give, right?

At the same time, as a person who has consumed a lot of self-help books, I know that they can be life-changing (the good books, that is).

Still, I got surprised when I came across a huge meta-study where they looked at 723 people who had either received self-help or help from a therapist.

The researchers wrote:

“We found no difference in treatment completion rate and broad equivalence of treatment outcomes for participants treated through self-help and participants treated through a therapist.”

The results of the study were not at all what the researchers expected.

It turned out that there was no difference in results between going to a therapist and using self-help when the self-help was scientifically based (1).

There’s, of course, a lot of shady self-help out there which isn’t helpful at all. But this study indicates that well-designed material can be as good as spending thousands of dollars on a coach or a therapist.

Still, there are many cases where people should definitely go to a therapist before doing anything else. One example of this is people with serious depression or any other condition that needs attention from a medical professional. Then there are situations where it’s powerful to combine our course with a therapist, such as for people having clinical social anxiety. They can go to a therapist to get help with the anxiety and take our course to master the conversation skills.

Reference:

King, R. J., Orr, J. A., Poulsen, B., Giacomantonio, S. G., & Haden, C. (2016). Understanding the Therapist Contribution to Psychotherapy Outcome: A Meta-Analytic Approach. Administration and Policy in Mental Health and Mental Health Services Research, 44(5), 664-680. doi:10.1007/s10488-016-0783-9

What if…

What if I don’t have the looks/ money/ career/ lifestyle/ experience/ height/ facial bone structure needed to succeed?

I often hear how people say:

“This won’t work for me, because I don’t have the right looks.”

“In my city/country people are too self-absorbed/busy/shallow/any negative word.”

“Money/career/status is what’s needed to get accepted in this society.”

“People look down on me because I’m too short/work as a postman/have a car from 1998.”

This is called “letting yourself off the hook”, deciding that your life is a product of circumstances you can’t control. Some people take little responsibility for their life situation and can’t see how they can control it. This course is not for them.

Luckily, we can do a “reality check” and look at people who share our “misfortunes” but still have a great social life. This helps us make a powerful realization:

The way our social life turns out depends largely on the way we approach people.

Some of our participants are unemployed, overweight, short, balding, inexperienced, the list goes on. Still, they’ve made tremendous progress. The reason is that it all comes down to how we approach people. It’s about mastering a specific set of social principles. These are the principles we will learn in this course.

What if I blank out in conversations today?

In this course, you won’t just get “more advice”. No advice in the world helps if you blank out in conversations (because in those situations, the brain doesn’t work like it’s supposed to do anyway).

What you DO need is a small set of precise and powerful mindsets. As these mindsets become second nature to you, you will notice how you’ll no longer blank out. You’ll be able to think more clearly in social settings.

One example of such a mindset change is the OFC-coaching method I emailed you a video about a while back. There, we hooked up a participant to a stress monitor and showed that we could cut her stress levels in half after just 5 minutes of coaching. One mindset change like that is worth more than a thousand well-meant advice. However, in our courses we have the time and resources to go even deeper than the OFC-method and get even more impressive results.

You will also get some “universal fallback questions” that you can use in almost any conversation. These are a few very effective scripts that I use regularly to get out of any awkward silence. Therefore, I know that they are bulletproof, even when your head goes blank.

If blanking out is your problem, this course will be a perfect fit for you.

What if I don’t want to “play the social game”, be shallow, or turning into a people pleaser?

This is my favorite question to answer. People often think that being social is about being one of those annoying, shallow people you see on the TV commercials for beer.

To me (and to our participants) being socially skilled is the opposite: It’s about getting away with being who you WANT to be because people will like you anyway.

We teach you how to be yourself and get away with it, even if you, like me, have a quirky or odd personality and humor. When you master the foundations of bonding with people, that’s when you’re able to “get away” with being who you want to be.

At that point, you don’t have to “put on a mask to fit in” or feeling like you have to compromise yourself.
Here’s what some participants write:

[…] I end up feeling empathetic, less concerned with how I look, more interested in the other person, and naturally more confident and good in conversation.”

Mateen

“… From this point, I quit putting any pressure on myself and soon my interactions started to become much more natural. I spent more time doing the things I love, and going out with people I appreciate.”

Hugo, Bordeaux, France

What if I lose my motivation halfway through?

The most common reasons we lose our motivation are the following:

  1. It feels like we won’t succeed
  2. We don’t see enough results
  3. Something gets too hard

That’s why we’ve designed the course in the following way:

  1. It clearly shows you how you can succeed
  2. You’ll see the initial results quickly
  3. The exercises are fun and motivating, not hard

This is the reason the majority of our participants feel highly motivated throughout the course.

Remember, if it turns out you aren’t able to complete the course, you can use our 60 days 100% money-back guarantee. You get a full refund up to 60 days after you bought the course.

What if I fall behind?

You can take the course at whatever pace that fits you. If you are unable to attend for a period of time, you can just start off where you left. The only one setting the pace is you. We give you the tools and the support you need to achieve the goals you set for yourself.

What if it turns out this course is not right for me?

How to Talk to People is the result of over 20 000 surveys, hours of phone interviews, and months of beta testing. Our participants are 18-75 years old and from all over the world.

What these people have in common is that they describe themselves as social overthinkers. If you identify with being a social overthinker, you can be confident that this course is for you.

If it turns out the course still wasn’t what you were looking for, you can use our 60 days 100% money-back guarantee. You get a full refund up to 60 days after you bought the course.

What if now is not a good time for me?

A “theme” I recognized whenever I was thinking about committing to a book or a course was a voice in my head telling me things like:

“- But I should try that technique I read about last week first”
“- I should get X handled first”
“- I should get Y finished first”
“- I need to come to terms with my mental baggage first”
“- I should free up more time first”
“-I need to get my ducks in a row”

Truth is, the time will never be perfect. If you wait for things to be perfect, life is what happens while you make up plans. You want to prioritize a great social life sooner rather than later because when you do, everything in life gets both easier and more fun.

You want to ask yourself: I’ve been walking this planet for X years, and I’m still not where I want to be. Should I continue like I’ve done before and hope to one day figure this all out on my own, or is now the time to start following a proven system to get this handled?

Will this help me with…

Will this course help me with my dating?

This is a course on how to bond with people and make friends by becoming better at making conversation. There will be no “pick up-openers” or similar techniques. However, what you WILL learn is a natural way to make conversation with people including those you are attracted by. You will be more at ease and more confident in conversations and know what to talk about. This will make you more self-confident and more attractive. This is why our participants have such great results when it comes to dating and romantic partners.

Here’s what Justin from the Netherlands writes:

I just walked up to the girl I like for soooo long. It was a huge step, but I had the confidence and knowledge of what to talk about. If I hadn’t had this course, I would never dare to talk to her.

– Justin in Maastricht, Netherlands

I suffer from Social anxiety. Will this work for me?

Yes! This course is designed with anxiety in mind and works both if you have mild, moderate or severe social anxiety. If you have clinical social anxiety we recommend that you seek appropriate care from medical professionals. A medical professional can help you with the anxiety part, but most likely not the conversation skills part. Therefore, some of those with social anxiety who join our course see it as a great complement to therapy

Here are some testimonials from participants who suffered from social anxiety.

“The thing that got me from a socially anxious person to being the most connected person at work now is doing a lot of reading, which is how I found your course (and your research was the eventual turning point I would say in my personality).”

Prakhar V, 26

“The breakthrough way that you have helped me is when you told me to focus my attention on other people thus away from myself.

I had never realised that my awkwardness or anxiety was rooted by me being self-conscious and my constantly thinking about how I look and how I come across in social situation and I always used to attempt to show myself in a good light.

You advice had helped me liberate myself from this anxiety from social situations. Also, the statistics that show others are also anxious had increased my confidence in initiating conversation as before I assumed they just didn’t like me.”

Armaan Chana, London, UK

Also, make sure to read “Who’s this course for”

I suffer from shyness. Will this work for me?

Yes! All our advice is tailored to help even to the shyest of people feel comfortable in social settings. Look at some of the testimonials from previously shy people:

“I love that as you say it’s not the usual approach 10 strangers. Most shy or introverted people would die a little inside just thinking of doing that.”

Dawn T

“Throughout most of my life I had terrible social skills. Whenever someone tried to converse with me I would be so shy that I would either give one word answers that don’t really contribute or further the conversation, or I would basically ignore them which made me come off as kinda strange.

This really hurt because inside I actually wanted to talk with people, I just had no idea what people talked about or what the flow of normal conversation was like.

Recently I’ve been going back to school to try and improve my career situation. At first I was incredibly nervous because of the social situations that I would be forced into like group projects, and I didn’t want to come off as the strange quiet guy like I was through my past experiences. I have seen a very positive outcome in my social life.

Group projects are now fun instead of dreadful and the relationships I’m building are growing outside of school as well.”

Riley, Alberta, Canada

Also, make sure to read “Who’s this course for” to get a better understanding of who this course is for.

Will this help me in business, networking, or job interviews?

Here’s a realization that has helped me a lot in life:

When you deal with businesses (like employers, or customers, or business networks) they are still humans. That means that the same principles that help us bond with someone in private will help us bond with someone in business.

Some get into this weird stiff persona whenever they interact with businesses. But you still want to be easy-going, confident and warm, just like when talking to non-business people.

This course helps you do that.

Little did I understand how powerful the principles here were for business success. When I first started networking around the time of my first company, I didn’t do particularly well. As a result, I lost out on a lot of business opportunities. Nowadays, I have the ability to bond quickly with anyone. That has helped me build up a big business network and have contacts I never would have had otherwise.

“The thing that got me from a socially anxious person to being the most connected person at work now is doing a lot of reading, which is how I found your course, and your research was the eventual turning point I would say in my personality.”

Prakhar V, 26

What can I expect?

How long will it take for me to see results? What results can I expect?

Everyone’s different, but based on the progress of previous participants, here’s what’s reasonable to expect:

“Hi David, I’m very happy with the course. I’m feeling easier around people already. I also listen to others talking & am becoming more & more conscious about interacting & contributing. Thank you.”

Christina Beaumont

“This course is life-changing. In social situations, I feel more at ease thru the “focusing outward” and I automatically start looking for commonalities between us. I include people on the outside into the group conversation and this has really helped my confidence alot.”

Jean D

“I am more at ease when I speak to people and I notice that the conversations I have now last longer and are more meaningful with way less silences and small talk.”

Course participant

Because of results like these, we are able to offer a powerful guarantee: If you’re not delighted by the progress you make, send me an email and get 100% of your money back – no explanation needed.

Results you can expect after 7-14 days

You’re likely to experience some results already in your first two weeks into the course! Your new mindsets won’t be fully implemented yet and you’ll notice how you fall back in old thinking patterns from time to time. But that’s OK and part of the process. When you start to see that change is possible and that the course actually works, you feel how something shifts inside of you.

  • You become better at avoiding awkward silence in conversations.
  • You cut past the small talk and start making conversation that’s interesting both to you and those you talk to (even if it’s a stranger).
  • You can still feel shaky in conversations, but you are already somewhat more self-confident than before you started the course.
  • You feel in control of where your conversations lead, and you enjoy them more.

“I feel strongly how valuable & accessible the course is. Doing it is a growth path. I have had a long lifetime of difficulty & fear about relating to people. I’ve only started the course recently & am already making good progress.”

Course Participant

Results you can expect after 30 days

No matter your reason, you can always get a refund. But if you complete the entire 4-week course, these are the results we guarantee.

You’ve now completed the Course! Your results from the first weeks are growing permanent; you feel their effect in most situations. Here’s what you can expect:

  • You feel more comfortable starting conversations with strangers and acquaintances.
  • You can routinely initiate and keep interesting conversations going.
  • You no longer “hit a wall” in conversations, now, you almost effortlessly keep them going.
  • You’re so at ease around others that you’ll sometimes surprise yourself by how much you can enjoy conversations.
  • You can tell stories in a way that captures people’s attention.
  • You no longer run out of things to talk about or have to awkwardly bring up an irrelevant topic just to have something to say.
  • You can enjoy having a simple and normal conversation without ending up saying stupid things and feeling like a weirdo.
  • You can be an active part of group conversations without being interrupted.

“So I’m different in the 2 painting groups I belong to. In the new, bigger one, I was on the outside, being shunned, wanting to be friends too quickly. (20 people in this group).

I think from your talk that I was being needy. So the next week I made sure I wasn’t. I consciously held on to my self-esteem.

Then it all changed. It’s all friendly now. A miracle in fact. I’m feeling my world open up. I feel enormously grateful to you, thank you. I’m just beginning, too.

I think the course is tremendous.”

Course participant

Results you can expect after 60 days

  • No matter if you have felt socially anxious, nervous or shy, you can now enjoy being more at ease and self-confident.
  • You have more of an inner sense that what you say is “worthy” for others to listen to.
  • If you used to overthink, you can now feel more at ease and fully focus on the conversation at hand.
  • You can “get out of your head” and enjoy socializing without letting self-consciousness get in the way.
  • People around you become more interested in keeping in touch with you.
  • You feel more relaxed and know what to say, even when you talk to someone you’re attracted to.
  • You can quickly identify if you have something in common with someone. If you do – you can use that commonality to bond and build a close connection.
  • You come off as more approachable, likable, and self-confident in social settings.
  • You can be more witty and funny in conversations and everyday banter.
  • You can steer conversations in the direction you want.
  • If you before got stuck in job-talk or felt like you bored people, you can now make more interesting conversation.
  • If you were “the quiet one”, you can now take up more space in conversations, because you know several strategies for what to say and how to feel confident enough to say it.

Maybe you’ve previously felt like a spectator, watching life pass you by. Now, you’re behind the steering wheel.

“The thing that got me from a socially anxious person to being the most connected person at work now is doing a lot of reading, which is how i found your course, and your research was the eventual turning point i would say in my personality.”

Prakhar V

Looking into the future: What to expect in 12 to 24 months

You’ve implemented and integrated your own personalized system into your daily life. The hard work is done and from now on you can enjoy the ride.

When you encounter obstacles in life, you know that you can always go back to our course for support.

  • You can turn strangers and acquaintances into close friends surprisingly fast.
  • You have a higher social status among your peers.
  • Because others see you as more fun and interesting, you become more popular.
  • You are more memorable.
  • You feel like you can be yourself and you no longer have to compromise to fit in.
  • Because of many positive outcomes in your social life, you’ve broken the downward spiral of negative thoughts. Overall, this makes you happier in life.
  • You no longer have negative beliefs such as “People won’t like me” or “everyone will laugh at me” or “I’ll mess up”.
  • Your existing relationships grow closer and deeper.
  • You’re relaxed and natural around people you don’t know.
  • Because of the new mindsets you’ve internalized, you relate to people in a new way and experience a stronger sense of connection with others. This makes you more motivated to socialize.
  • You’re standing out from others with your abilities to make interesting conversation and to build connections.
  • People gravitate toward you.
  • You no longer excessively worry about what others might think of you.
  • As a result of the above you grow a strong self-esteem and a positive self-image.

Because of the consistent success of our participants, Viktor and I have chosen to guarantee these results:

If you aren’t delighted by the progress you’ve made, (or in any other way aren’t completely satisfied) just send me an email and I’ll refund 100% of your money – no need to explain why you want a refund.

As you can imagine, this guarantee wouldn’t make sense from my perspective unless I knew our course delivered results:

“I personally bought the course about 7 months ago, I honestly couldn’t imagine myself socially successful. I was the awkward guy that smiles at people and act nice but now knowing what to say which resulted in awkward conversation.

Now I’m in college and I can’t believe the person I am today. I easily initiate social interaction and I gradually ask people more personal questions. I am really grateful now that I have so many friends to hang out with. […] I wanna say thank you so much David. You truly changed my life!”

Jack N

“…The way you teach and your methods have helped me so much. I have been implementing your ideas, and it has changed my life in such a positive way.”

Rachel, USA

Do I need to force myself to talk to strangers?

No. We don’t believe that is an effective method of improving. We’ve tried it, but our experience confirmed what other studies have shown:

Most people can’t push way out of their comfort zone day after day.

Doing outrageous social stunts doesn’t create long-term change.

Our exercises are designed to be fun and motivating. With our system, based on the latest findings in behavioral science, you can practice new mindsets and behaviors in social settings without doing something that others think is weird (or even notice you doing).

About the course

How does the course work?

This is an online course that takes 4 weeks to complete. You can access the course on your computer, your tablet or smartphone.

The course is divided into 4 chapters. I explain all the concepts in clear and easy-to-understand videos.

Together with the videos, you’ll get exercises that’ll help you turn this into actual change in your life. For each lesson, there is a comment area where you’ll be able to discuss the material with both us and others.

How much time will this course take?

Our participants spend roughly 2 hours per week of studying the material. Then, they used their everyday social interactions to think about what they’d learned. A social interaction can be anything from the cashier to family or friends. The duration of the course is 4 weeks.


I feel weird taking a course like this. Am I a weirdo?

Yes, you’re a bit weird for taking a course like this. But (just like me), you’re weird in a good way.

You see, when I told people that I wanted to become better socially, some thought that I was weird. But to me, it’s even weirder to NOT try to improve all areas of who we are. I figured that I only have this one life, and why not make the most out of it and be the best I can be?

If someone thinks I’m weird, that is a prize I’m more than willing to pay for the amazing life I’m able to live today: I can bond with people fast. I have wonderful friends. I have a huge social circle. I can do the things I love every day.

Maybe you’re not sure if this course is right for you. I encourage you to try it, because I see how it changes people’s lives for good. But if you decide not to, at least take this with you: Never keep yourself from doing things in life because you’re afraid that someone will think you’re weird. This is actually one of the top regrets people have on their deathbed:

Regret #6: Worrying about what others thought about me so much. Most of us place way too much importance on what other people around us think about us. How will they judge us? In the moment, we think their opinions are crucial to our future success and happiness. On our deathbeds, none of that matters.”

The 25 most common deathbed regrets – Forbes Magazine

To today’s date, over 100 000 thoughtful, smart overthinkers who want to improve socially have taken our free training. So even if we’re a bit weird, we all share an ambition to become better socially.

My life philosophy is to not walk around life fearing if doing this or that makes us weird. Instead, I try to always do what I know is the right thing to do.

Is this a live/interactive course or can I do it on my own?

This is not a live course. You take the course through our website. You’ll be taking the course together with hundreds of others and can get inspired and motivated by them. But if you want to do the course at your own pace and without the involvement of others, that works great too!


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Disclaimer

My promise to you is that you’ll improve your conversations in a way that you feel satisfied with within 2 months. If you don’t, just send me an email and you’ll get 100% of your money back. Contact information can be found at our contact page.

I am not a psychiatrist or professional advisor. All products and services by our company are for educational and informational purposes only. Use caution and seek the advice of qualified professionals. Check with your doctor, therapist, psychiatrist or professional advisor, before acting on this or any information.

Any success statements, or success examples, are from real users and customers. Some names have been altered to preserve their anonymity. Some testimonials in the FAQ-section may have been re-used from the FAQ's from our other courses when those testimonials were describing a feature that was similar in both courses. What these participants have accomplished are only estimates of what we think you could achieve. There is no assurance you’ll do as well. Read the full disclaimer here.