As you know, our program on how to become good at making conversation is named “Awkward to Awesome: The Art of Making Conversation”.
First, I had some second thoughts about this name. I want to share these thoughts with you because I think it also teaches us something about social life goals.
Reason 1 – Awkward can be a good thing
Sometimes, I don’t think it’s bad to be awkward. I still do awkward things. So does Viktor.
It can be fun to be awkward, and you can laugh about it later. Like that time I spoke English with a Swedish guy for half an hour before I figured out we were both from Sweden.
Having awkward traits makes you who you are. It’s just that when your awkwardness takes over and stops you from being who you want to be, it’s not so fun anymore.
Sometimes the awkwardness is even a symptom of social anxiety or shyness. At this point, it’s not fun and quirky anymore but something that holds us back.
That’s the kind of awkward we want to move away from.
Reason 2 – It felt scammy
When I started off, I wasn’t aiming to become “awesome” because back then, that’s not something I could identify with. And I don’t identify with being some kind of “Mr. Awesome”. That’s just tacky.
However, what I DO think it truly awesome today is the social life I have now. It’s not awesome as in bikini foam parties and celebrity BBQ nights because that’s not what gives me meaning. It is awesome in the way that I can be who I want to be with people I want to be with. I think it’s awesome to have a close family of friends who I can always reach out to and who I know has my back.
At least in my head, when I hear the “Awesome” in “Awkward to Awesome”, I’m thinking about how awesome the small things in a good social life can be: having a walk with a close friend and talking about life. Feeling at ease around people. Feeling confident that you always know what to say next. Always having close friends you can reach out to and hang out with.
What our readers had to say
Finally, when we surveyed our readers and beta testers about what name they liked the most, it won big time.
They thought it summed up what the program is about: How to go from awkward to awesome by mastering the art of making conversation.
That’s when we decided to officially go with that name.
P.S. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. What is YOUR definition of an “awesome” social life? Comment down below. I’ll try to reply to as many comments as I can!
An awesome social life for me would be to have a special woman to love and be loved by, to have kids that look up to me and to have close friends I can talk to about anything. I would also like to be able to start conversations with strangers easily and to be known as a warm and friendly person.
Hey thanks for your advice, it’s honestly the most accurate I’ve ever heard but how do you shift ideas and tips into practice. I read all of your tips and tricks and it fills me with so much confidence but as soon as I get into a social situation it’s all gone. I can remember what I have to do and say but the conversation still doesn’t flow. How to I make the switch from theory to practice so I can actually connect with people?
In my head Im like I’m not gonna be awkward and shy but then when the situation presents itself I get awkward, shy and really quiet
Literally same!
Awesome to me is when you can be totally yourself and have your friends enjoy you for you and there’s no over thinking did I say something wrong? Could I have said more or less? None of that, just being and having fun with who you are with.
I don’t know how to connect on a deeper level. Sometimes, I feel like i click with a person but don’t know how to connect in a way to deepen the friendship. I try establishing things we have in common but it feels like surface level stuff. I have also tried asking open and random questions to no avail. I am a person that gets bored easily so this may be one of the reasons. I’m also the person reaching out to the other more often, so feels like the other person isn’t interested. All my friendships tend to fade away within a few months. I’m sick of it, what should I do? I’m not looking for generic advice like, ask open questions, do an activity together etc. I’ve done all that with no results. I want advice that will help me
Same with me I hate small talks I think they are meaningless. I can not be engaged in stupid convesations people make to pass time. I always wander why my friends loooovvve to gather and have group converstions. What is so great about throwing jokes and short stories. I tried I tried to share but it is so awkward I can not say the right thing in the right time. It does not come natural to me. We are observer. We are not engager. We observe other people talks. That what we do. We are great in one one chat but in a deeper level. We go deep. We hate superficial noises. But that makes us less desirable when the other person just want to chill. I am just tired of being less fun. We are not fun maybe we need to learn to have fun. I think also we are truthful. We do not say something that we do not mean. I wish we could play and joke around act and do fun staff. I am sorry for the long response. I hope it makes sense to you.
For me awesome social life would be one where I could talk to anyone without thinking twice, where I’d be more confident and less self conscious, where I’ll also give my suggestions in important matters apart from taking orders. I don’t talk to people because it’s my thinking that people wouldn’t want to talk to me or I’d be disturbing them, this is one more thing which holds me back from having an awesome life. My social life would be awesome when I’ll be able to be myself in the crowd without any fear of judgement.
Having great conversations with others without the pressure to feel they must approve of you first is what I consider a awesome social life. Presenting yourself as you and enjoying each other’s company makes the whole connection feel more real and close. I just have a hard time figuring out if I’m too awkward to the point it makes the other no longer wanting to talk with me. I guess have a hard time just letting things slide.
My college life started a month ago and forget about friends I have not found a single person who regularly talks to me everybody has made their groups they go out for outings and stuff but I hardly get that kind of an opportunity. I have realized that the time I enter into college I become a different person I mean I think I get a bit needy for attention I tend to over think I have hardly any topics to talk about I mean IDK what happens you know my school life was a bit dull so I had a lot of expectations from my college and in the past one month I have realized that things in my are getting worse day by day I am not able to handle this Loneliness and anxiety sometimes I miss important lectures just because I have to sleep till late and then I expect from others who I hardly talk to, to help me with the lessons I have missed and I tend to get a bit overboard with that stuff I literally thing I have forgot how to make friends can u give me so e advice on how I can make my college life better both in terms of personal and professional
Ackward is presenting yourself as the opposite of who you really are. In social settings, I become this enthusiastic extrovert seemingly saying all the right things at the right time. But in all honesty, it takes a tremendous amount of energy. Afterwards I avoid the people I interacted with for fear of them discovering my true personality. Awesome is confidently conversating about anything. Finding out about a person and then REMEMBERING what they said, because you were listening to THEM not your own nervous self talk.
Awkward is feeling that you are missing out on thriving . Your own awkwardness is restricting you from living as passionately and fully as you can – be that “failing” to make more connections with people or failing to present yourself as an assertive great person .
Awkward to me in socializing, is feeling you have to say the right thing all the time & not be yourself by not being perfect on what to say like why? Just be liked or notice. When talking with people. Saying this is awkward. Reminiscing in your head all the time.I did & or do. Thinking it to at times its weird. It happens
Even to me. Its ok.
Hi David,
For me an awesome social life actually is approving yourself without checking for others approval.When you do that and are happy for who you are,then nobody can turn down your happiness.And happiness is what an social life is all about.You can do what you want to do.
(I think so,Because that’s what I lack!)
My fortieth highschool reunion is coming up. I was traumatized in childhood and was awkward during my school years to say the least. I’ve done lots of work to heal and plan on going to the reunion. I’m reading one of the books you suggested, The Fine Art of Small Talk. (what was available at my local library) And I’m hoping to be able to practice at the reunion.
An awesome social life is having a circle of friends that appreciate you as much as you appreciate them and you are not always the one reaching out in a one-sided friendship. You have people you can call on and hang out with, and those you can really share your heart with. You also can be a support to them as well because they are real people who don’t try to make you think their life is perfect.
My definition has changed as I’ve aged but unfortunately it has also changed because I’ve given up to a certain extent on the hope of a thriving, fun and busy social life. I do think, however, that my definition now is more authentic and sincere. I would just like to have a few close friends to talk with, laugh with, go out to dinner with and just do life with. Honestly, I’m looking for community. It has been so difficult to find. I try to be sincere and authentic and I’m looking for those qualities in a friend. It seems all I’m meeting are people who keep things very light and aren’t interested in really getting to know me or delving into a new friendship. It’s as if their dance cards are all full. But surely there are still a few people who would like one more friendship. Regardless, my pursuit of friendship is growing old and frankly I’m so damn exhausted. I get that I’m a little introverted but I’m not a hermit.
An awesome social life for me would be to stop being nervous, tensing up in social situations, and just be able to talk to anyone I want. Your emails have been helping me a lot! Thank you!
Hi David,
My definition of awesome social life is to be able to express my opinion and confidently interact with other people especially to the people you recently know.
Hi David
An awesome social life for me means being able to go anywhere by myself and not feel awkward starting a conversation with someone because I am lost for words. I would love to feel confident and hold a conversation without my nervous taking over and say something that ends in dead silence. Awkward. Can’t wait for your course. I’m so excited to have found you. I hope to break out of my shell and finally enjoy my time with people instead of trying to avoid them.
I think my deffinition of Awsome would have to be the ability feel confident and comfortable talking to people of high importance in my life without the fear of being judged and feeling I have said something wrong.
My definition of an awesome social life probably means having close friends to hang out with. Maybe I feel this way because I never had many friends. I feel that an awesome social life would be possible when I am able to talk with my friends (not necessarily close) without getting nervous.
My definition of an awesome social life is when you have friends to travel around the world with , friends with similar values as yours. ?
Hi David and all
I think an awesome social life comes first by social interaction with good and bad people.Jealousy comes out and about because people can be too curious sometimes but the more social interaction meens the more one can increase his/her self of steem this is down by recieving hard personal self-knowledge and meeting such people of this type also breaks the jealousy cracks
Sincerely Moe
I would like to achieve all of this you said but dont know how.
It is awesome in the way that I can be who I want to be with people I want to be with. I think it’s awesome to have a close family of friends who I can always reach out to and who I can trust will be there for me. At least in my head, when I hear the “Awesome” in “Awkward to Awesome,” I’m thinking about how awesome the small things in a good social life can be:
> Having a late night walk with a close friend talking about life.
> Enjoying a conversation with a stranger and making a real connection.
> Feeling confident that you always know what to say next.
> Conveying who you are and making people interested in you.
> Always having close friends you can reach out to and hang out with.
> Feeling confident talking to the one you’re attracted to.
> Being free to do what you truly want without being held back: Traveling, joining a new course, volunteering, or starting your dream project.
Awesome social life means to me having a amazing life of happiness relationship with others.a feeling that every carries when we emerged together.
This looks interesting David!
For me awesome is when ppl around me feel awesome in my presence! And carry that feeling for long and crave for more “me” . Is it possible?
Would wait for ur reply!
Best,
Namrata
I was an extrovert when I was young but when I grew older, it became less until I becane more aware of other and overthinking all the tine about what they think. This hindered me from being who I am and doing what I do. With this in mind, I agree to what you have said, being awesome is being who you are in any situation.
Before that Thankyou David for these email, i was so relate and am so excited to hear a lot from you about this subject because you know David i am also been struggling with this aspect of my life. I am really fond of socializing and talking to people but I still felt this awkward feeling inside of me.. coz sometimes I felt that I am not very good in speaking and kinda noticed that sometimes whenever I spoke, not all are interested in hearing me. I need ur help! Thanks a lot! Have a good day!
An awesome social life is when you connect with people confidently, help them amd they trust you as well as they like to talk with you, thats the awesome social life according to me??.
I suffered from social anxiety for many years, mine depends on the person I talk to, the more I care about the person, the worse my anxiety is, I cannot make my face relaxed and it just keep tight and giving awkward expressions, and I cannot focus on what they say, sometimes the people I talked to got the same awkward expressions, then I know that they feel uncomfortable, and I start to avoid the conversation with them next time even I really want to talk to them. Also I avoid to join the social places with the one I’m attracted to, if there are many people, and when I talked to other person instead the one I’m attracted to, I cannot stop my anxiety when this person is there or watch at me, that will make me so uncomfortable. It is even worse than I directly talk to them, I totally understand that we don’t need to be look down upon ourselves and I don’t think I am, but I just want to feel relaxed when I talk to someone I care about.
Even I keep trying to go to the social places to get a practice, it is still very hard for me to let my anxiety go. Hope to have more advice that makes it work.
Best regards,
Jessica
to me awesome would mean being able to chat more freely with different people without over thinking what to say next or holding my self from talking what i want to say because am afraid of saying the wrong thing. being able not think about what other people are thinking or saying about me during a conversation- being able not to think about being judged.to be social awesome i think i would be able to stop being self conscious during a conversation and be able to flow with chat without feeling as if i am intruding or talking too much.
being respectful and trustful, to act naturally but with respect and be on my word. try not to judge people as much as I can.
best regards.