224 Deep Questions to Ask Your Girlfriend (Bond & Connect)

Asking your girlfriend deep questions can both help you understand if you’re compatible, and also build a deeper connection. Understanding your girlfriend’s deepest thoughts, dreams, and values helps you be a better boyfriend.

Take the time to truly listen to your girlfriend’s answers to make her feel heard and understood—a key to good communication in a relationship.

And if you’re ever asking yourself “what should I talk about with my girlfriend?”, these deep questions are a good starting point.

Sections:

  1. Your relationship
  2. The future
  3. Her past
  4. Important questions
  5. About yourself
  6. Over text
  7. Romantic
  8. Spiritual
  9. Political
  10. Common Questions

Deep questions about your relationship

Deep conversations are a good way to strengthen your relationship with your girlfriend. When life gets busy it’s easy to forget to connect with our partners. Make time to connect and ask some of the following deep questions to help keep your relationship strong.

1. What scares you the most about our relationship?
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2. If we had children, what qualities of yours would you want them to have?
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3. If our relationship ended, what are some things that you would miss?

4. When do you feel the most connected to me?
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5. Are there any times that you don’t feel heard by me?
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6. What are some small things I can do to make you feel more loved?

7. What is something I have done to break your trust since we’ve been together?
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8. What is your favorite way to spend time with me?
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9. Do you feel like we could benefit from having more date nights?

10. When in our relationship have you felt the most vulnerable?
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11. What is the biggest lesson you’ve learned since being with me?
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12. What is the most positive change that having me in your life has made?

13. Do I make you feel safe? If not, what are some ways I could make you feel safer?
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14. How do you feel when I walk into the room?
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15. What do you think is your biggest strength in this relationship?

16. What is something that makes our relationship unique?
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17. What is one thing you would like to change about our relationship, and why?
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18. Can you see us being good parents together?

19. Do you feel satiated by our sex life? Is there anything you’d still like to try with me?
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20. What are some of the ways you want our relationship to be like your parents?
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21. What are some of the ways you want our relationship to be different from your parents?

22. Do you feel like we spend enough time together?
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23. Are there any issues in our relationship that you feel we haven’t completely resolved?
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24. Do you think that we could improve how we fight? If yes, how?

25. What does a perfect day spent with me look like?
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26. What are some of your favorite compliments that I give you?
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27. Do you ever wish I complimented you more?

28. How can I be more supportive of you in day-to-day life?
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29. What are some things you would enjoy doing together more?
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30. What is your happiest memory of us together?

31. Do you feel like we can talk about anything and everything?
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32. How can I help you to trust me more?
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33. What are some ways that our differences complement each other?

34. What about our relationship makes you really happy?
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35. Do I ever make you feel bad about yourself?
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36. What is a habit of mine that really bothers you?

You might also like this list of questions to ask your girlfriend (for any type of situation).

Deep questions about the future

Knowing your partner’s plans for the future, and making sure they align with your own is essential if you want to have a relationship that lasts. These questions are good to ask a new girlfriend or a long-term girlfriend to make sure you are on the same page about the future.

1. What is something you want to accomplish together in the next year?
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2. Are relationships supposed to last forever?
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3. Are you prepared to be monogamous for the rest of your life?

4. When you think about our future together, what do you feel the most excited about?
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5. Are there still a lot of things you want to experience before you settle down?
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6. What are some of your goals in this relationship?

7. How would you describe your future self?
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8. What kind of wedding do you want?
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9. If we started having kids now, is there anything that you would feel you missed out on?

10. What does your everyday life look like for your future self?
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11. Where do you picture yourself settling down?
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12. How do you want to be remembered?

13. Do you have any habits that you’d like to change?
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14. What are your financial priorities and goals?
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15. What is something that you hope this next year is full of?

16. Where do you see yourself one year from now?
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17. Is traveling in the future something that is important to you?
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18. What do you see when you picture our dream home?

19. Is there anything you haven’t done yet but hope to do in the future?
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20. What is something you’re glad you’ll never have to do again?
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21. Can you see yourself switching careers in the future? If yes, what would you want to do?

22. When you’re nearing the end of your life, what are you afraid you’ll regret?
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23. If you could change one thing in your life, what would it be?

This article on how to improve communication in a relationship might also be helpful.

Deep questions about her past

Knowing about your girlfriend’s past can teach you a lot about who she is as a person. These deep questions are good to learn more about her ex-boyfriend, family, or the experiences that helped shape who she is today.

1. What is the biggest lesson you have learned from your past relationships?
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2. What is the best piece of advice anyone has ever given you?
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3. What was the loneliest time of your life?

4. When in your life have you felt the most heartbroken?
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5. What is some of the work have you done to improve since your last relationship?
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6. If you could go back and change one thing in your life, what would it be?

7. Do you have any regrets? If yes, what are they?
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8. What is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you?
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9. What were you like in high school?

10. What is the happiest memory you have from your childhood?
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11. What is the hardest thing you went through as a child?
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12. Have you been good at following your heart?

13. When have you felt like giving up in the past?
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14. What is the biggest challenge you recently overcame?
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15. Did watching your parent’s relationship make you feel confident in marriage?

16. What are some ways that your parents made you feel loved growing up?
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17. Who from your past do you miss the most?
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18. Do you feel like you’ve had to make a lot of sacrifices in your life?

19. What is something in the past that you failed at?
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20. Have you ever loved someone that didn’t love you back?
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21. When in your life do you think you were the happiest?

22. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
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23. What is something you wish you knew when you were younger?
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24. Have you ever cheated on an ex?

25. If you could pick one year to do over again, which would you choose and why?
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26. What were some of the major turning points in your life?
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27. When was the last time you stepped outside of your comfort zone?
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28. What’s your most meaningful past relationship?

If you want to go even deeper, you might like this list of deep questions to get to know someone.

Important and deep questions

There might be some questions that you avoid asking out of fear that they are too serious, or because they cover touchy subjects. Be sensitive about how and when you ask your girlfriend a heavy question. Choose a time and place where you are both relaxed and willing to listen to each other. These questions can be important to understand your compatibility and what you need to work on.

1. Is there anything you haven’t told me, but feel like you should?
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2. What are some of the expectations you have for marriage?
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3. How do you envision married life?

4. What would you change about me if you could, and why?
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5. Is there anything in our relationship that has been hard for you to deal with? Do you still find it hard?
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6. Do you feel like you can trust me?

7. What are some ways to keep the spark alive in a long-term relationship?
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8. What is the most important thing in a relationship?
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9. Is it important to you to have quality time with me?

10. Do you think it’s important to spend time away from me?
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11. What do you think is my biggest relationship weakness?
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12. Do you think relationships can come back from cheating?

13. How important is physical intimacy to you? Could you be in a sexless relationship?
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14. What’s something you really want to ask me but are afraid to know the answer to?
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15. Do you feel like you can depend on me for emotional support?

16. Do you want children?
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17. Where would you want to raise your children?
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18. Are there any ways that you don’t feel fulfilled in our relationship?

19. Do you find it hard to love yourself?
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20. If we ever fall out of love, would you be willing to work to bring those feelings back?
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21. What are some reasons that you think we might end our relationship?

22. Have you ever gone through my cell phone? How did you feel about what you found?
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23. Is there anything that you feel like our relationship is lacking?
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24. How do you feel about having joint bank accounts with your partner?

25. What are some of your relationship deal breakers?
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26. Why did your last relationship end?
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27. What do you most look forward to about getting old?

28. Do you value love or friendship more, and why?
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29. Is marriage important to you?
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30. Does our relationship make you feel free?
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31. What’s your philosophy regarding personal finance?

Deep questions to ask about yourself

If you want to know some of your girlfriend’s favorite things about you, you have to ask. You can ask your long-term girlfriend the following questions to find out what she values in your relationship. These questions can also help give you ideas of what you can work on to improve your connection.

1. What are some of the qualities that make me a good partner?
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2. What are some of the ways that I make you feel cared for?
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3. What are three words you would use to describe me?

4. What is my greatest relationship strength?
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5. When do you feel the most attracted to me?
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6. Can you see me being a good parent?

7. What are some qualities you hope our children get from me?
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8. When did you know you were in love with me?
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9. What quality of mine do you most appreciate?

10. Do you feel like you can depend on me for emotional support?
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11. What is your favorite part of my personality?
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12. When do you feel the most connected to me?

13. Do you think I have a good work-life balance?
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14. What was your first impression of me?
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15. What is your favorite memory of me?

Deep questions to ask your girlfriend over text

When you can’t see your girlfriend in person, good communication is more important than ever. Asking her deep questions over text can help keep your long-distance relationship strong, regardless of how far apart you are.

1. What do you daydream about?
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2. What’s one quirky quality that not many people know you have?
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3. What about me are you the most attracted to?

4. What is one thing about me that has surprised you?
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5. Where is your favorite place for us to be together?
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6. Where in the world would you want us to run away together?

7. What’s something that really scares you, but you’d like to do anyway?
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8. What is the best thing about your life right now?
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9. What is one thing you wish you knew more about?

10. What is something that you feel really proud of yourself for?
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11. What do you think is people’s first thought when they see you?
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12. What are your top three goals in life?

13. Is there anything about yourself you’d like to change? If yes, what and why?
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14. Have you ever been so happy that you cried? If yes, when?
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15. Who do you consider to be your best friend, and why?

16. What makes you feel better when you’re having a bad day?
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17. What is something you’ve never done, but always wanted to do?
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18. What is your biggest goal in your life right now?

19. How often do you feel lonely?
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20. What do you consider your biggest accomplishment?
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21. What is your love language? Do I do a good job of loving you in that way?

22. Where’s your favorite place for me to kiss you?
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23. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
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24. When do you feel the most beautiful?

25. How do you pick yourself up when you’re feeling down?
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26. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
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27. What is something you could talk about for hours?

28. What does happiness mean to you?
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29. What do you value the most in your life?

Romantic and deep questions

It’s easy to overlook opportunities for you and your significant other to connect and talk about your love. Try asking your girlfriend some of these deep, romantic questions.

1. Why does love mean something different to everyone?
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2. How would you describe love in one word?
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3. How did you know that you wanted to be with me?

4. What is one thing I do that makes you feel very loved?
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5. If you were granted three wishes about love, what would you want them to be?
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6. Do you think that we found each other for a reason?

7. What does it mean to fall in love?
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8. What are some of the things you think when you see me?
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9. Do you think jealousy is a normal emotion in any relationship?

10. When do you know that you’re in a good relationship?
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12. Do you believe in the saying, right person, wrong time?
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13. What is your definition of love?

11. Do you think there is only one perfect person for you?
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14. Were you nervous on our first date?
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15. If you had to choose between good looks, and strong values, which would you choose?

16. Do you know how happy you make me?
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17. When we’re apart, what’s the thing you miss most about me?
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18. Do you believe in love at first sight?

19. What’s your favorite part about being in love?
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20. What is something I do that always turns you on?
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21. What does love mean to you?

22. What’s your favorite way to receive love?
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23. What is one thing I do for you that you’re grateful for?
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24. How would you describe our relationship in one sentence?
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25. What is something non-physical that made you fall in love with me?

Spiritual questions

The following thought-provoking questions can help you and your girlfriend have a powerful conversation about how you see the world.

Be aware that these beliefs can be deeply personal. Focus on listening and understanding to build a deeper bond even if you’re beliefs may differ.

1. What do you believe is the meaning of life?
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2. Do you believe in a higher power? If yes, what do you call it?
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3. Is being with someone with the same spiritual beliefs important to you?

4. Do you feel like you’re an old soul?
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5. Do you have a sense of purpose in your life?
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6. Do you believe in soul mates?

7. Where do you think we go when we die?
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8. When was the last time you prayed?
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9. How good are you at trusting your gut?

10. Do you believe that astrological signs are important in a match?
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11. Do you think that there is a true right and wrong, or that it’s different for every person?
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12. Do you think that material possessions can make a person truly happy?

13. What are your views on money? Do you see having a lot of it as being bad?
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14. Do you believe that humans are inherently good or evil by nature?
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15. Do you believe that tough times can make people better?

16. Do you believe in fate? Or is everything just happening randomly?
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17. Do you think that believing in a higher power makes it easier to get through hard times?
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18. Have you ever had a supernatural experience?

19. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
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20. Would you want to raise your children to be religious?
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21. Do you often find yourself worrying about things you have no control over?

22. Have you ever practiced meditation? Would you meditate with me?
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23. Are you set in your beliefs, or do you like thinking about different possibilities?
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24. If you were to get married, would it be important to you to do it in a church?

25. What is an experience that helped you believe in a higher power existing?
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26. How important is modesty to you?
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27. Does it bother you when someone has different beliefs than you?
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28. Have you ever let a tarot reading make a decision for you?

Political questions

Differences don’t have to be a bad thing when it comes to relationships, but being with someone who can respect our unique opinion is important. These questions can help you better understand your partner’s worldviews and the role politics plays in their life.

1. Do you enjoy discussing politics?
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2. How important is it to you that we have the same political values?
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3. Do you feel like you can respect my opinion if we see things differently?

4. Do you want us to discuss politics together?
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5. Does it bother you when people believe different things than you?
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6. Could you date someone that doesn’t vote?

7. Do you believe that freedom of speech should be protected?
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8. Have you ever attended a protest?
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9. Do you pay attention to politics in other countries?
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10. How often do you watch the news?

Common questions:

Why should you ask your girlfriend deep questions?

Asking your girlfriend deep questions is a good way to build intimacy in your relationship. By asking deep questions you show your girlfriend that you are interested in her. Deep questions can also help you understand if you are compatible with each other.

How can I get to know my girlfriend?

If you want to get to know your girlfriend better, start by planning dates that will allow the two of you to connect and have fun together. As the two of you get to know each other better you can start asking deeper questions that will allow you to get to know her on a more intimate level.

How do I start a deep conversation with my girlfriend?

To have deep conversations with your girlfriend, start by creating a space where she can feel comfortable letting her guard down. If you are nervous, remind yourself that feeling vulnerable is a natural part of any relationship.

How do I get my girlfriend to open up to me?

The important thing to remember is that you can’t force anybody to do anything. Focus on creating a space that is safe and comfortable, so that she can feel secure opening up to you. Avoid judging or criticizing her answers. With time, hopefully, she will feel confident enough to share more intimate details about herself with you.

What questions can I ask my girlfriend to see if she loves me?

Asking questions to test somebody’s love for you is always a risk. Putting pressure on somebody to answer your questions correctly won’t feel good for either of you. Instead of asking trap questions, try asking questions that help the two of you to connect and create a more loving bond instead.

Viktor is a Counselor specialized in interpersonal communication and relationships. He manages SocialSelf’s scientific review board. Follow on Twitter or read more.

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