“I am trying to make some new friends, but I feel like I am just a really boring person. I don’t really have anything exciting to talk about in my life, but I want to be more interesting. Any tips?”
If you feel like you’re a boring person with a boring life, you are probably selling yourself short. These beliefs may be actually holding you back more than anything else when it comes to relationships. Buying into these ideas can make you less likely to put time and effort into finding friends and can also keep you from opening up to the people you do meet.
If your goal is to develop close relationships with other people, it may require a change in your mindset, as well as a change in your behavior.
This article will provide tips on how to begin the process of changing your thoughts and your actions in ways that will help you become a people magnet, attracting people into your life.
- What makes a person interesting?
- 10 steps to become more interesting
- How to be more interesting to a guy or girl you like
- Common questions
What makes a person interesting?
If you’re wondering what makes a person more interesting than average, it’s probably because you believe this is the key to being liked and accepted by other people, but this might not be the case. Research on what makes a person likable has helped us understand what factors attract friends, and being “interesting” doesn’t make the top of any of these lists.
In fact, trying to learn how to look interesting or seem cool to get people to like you can even backfire. When someone senses you’re trying too hard to get them to like you, it can cause them to mistrust you and become less interested in getting to know you. Instead of trying to be captivating and interesting to people, researchers have found you are more likely to attract friends by demonstrating the following traits and qualities:
- Being friendly, kind, and welcoming
- Showing genuine interest in others
- Being a good listener
- Honesty and trustworthiness
- Being authentic and genuine
- Having a reputation for being a good person
- Seeming competent in what they say and do
- Being able to use empathy to understand and connect with people
- Having the ability to identify the feelings, needs, and wants of others
- Maintaining relevance by staying in contact, showing up, and offering help when needed
When you focus on demonstrating the traits and qualities listed above, you become more likely to leave people with a positive impression of you. As a result, people become more interested in getting to know you and also more open to letting you get to know them, creating a chance to develop a relationship with them in the future.
10 steps to become more interesting
If you want to become more interesting as a person or to make your life more interesting, there are some things you can begin doing differently. While some of these include making some changes to your routine or behavior, many also require a change in your mindset and approach. The 10 steps below will help you have more to talk about in conversations, have more fun and exciting stories to tell people, and to feel like you have more to offer in a relationship.
1. Identify limiting beliefs and stories
The belief that you are a boring person, have nothing special or interesting to share, or that there is nothing fun or exciting about your life are examples of limiting beliefs and stories. It doesn’t really matter if these stories are true or not because believing they are true can make them true.
Repeating these stories in your mind can keep you from trying new things or meeting new people, which essentially helps to make them real. Because of this, the first step to being a less boring person may be to identify and interrupt the stories and beliefs that are holding you back.
Here are some common examples of stories and beliefs that can become self-fulfilling prophecies that limit you and hold you back in relationships:
- Stories about yourself that lower your self-esteem and cause you to feel more insecure. For example, believing you are stupid, unattractive, boring, or basic can keep you from being honest, genuine, or open with others, because you try to hide these “flaws.” Another example could be the belief that you have no personality or are just like everyone else.
- Stories about relationships and friendships and how they will end. For example, believing that you will be rejected, hurt, or abandoned by people can keep you from trying to connect or giving new friends or romantic interests a chance.
- Stories about your life that limit what you do, where you go, and who you meet. For example, telling yourself you’re a workaholic, that there’s nothing fun to do where you live, or that you live the ‘loner’ life can keep you from going out, trying new things, or meeting new people.
2. Revise limiting stories and beliefs
Without changing these old beliefs and stories, it’s unlikely that anything about your life will actually change. Some of the stories you’ve told yourself may be ones you’ve outgrown, and many may not even be true. Even if they are, it is still possible to revise and change them, and doing so can be the next step towards becoming a more interesting version of yourself and living a more fun and exciting life.
Here are some ways to begin revising and changing the beliefs and stories that are holding you back:
- What would you most like to change about yourself and your life? What are some small ways you can begin making these changes?
- What words do you want to describe yourself? What would you need to see yourself do to feel like you could describe yourself in this way?
- What kind of relationships and friendships are you looking to attract? Where are you most likely to meet people like this?
- If you are authoring the next chapter of your life, what do you want your character to do, feel, and experience?
3. Try a change of scenery
You are unlikely to experience anything new, interesting, or different if you stay at home, hide under the covers, and don’t venture into the outside world. A change in scenery creates opportunities for something new or exciting to happen in your life.
Here are some small, simple ways to change your setting and create more chances for adventure in your daily life:
- Become a tourist in your own city by making a list of attractions you want to visit and checking them off of your list one by one
- If you work remotely, consider working one day a week from a new setting, like the lobby of your apartment, a café or bookstore nearby, or even a local park
- Make it a goal to talk to at least one person at each place you go to, even if it’s just a short, friendly interaction with a stranger or cashier
- Challenge yourself to go to meetups, events, classes, or other places where you have the chance to meet new people
4. Learn something new
Learning something new is a great way to jumpstart a new chapter in your life while also helping you develop more confidence in yourself. Even small steps like taking a class, signing up for an activity, or going to a meetup can add some excitement into your life while also helping you feel like a more interesting person. Many of these activities can also provide chances to meet some like-minded people and even make some new friends.
Here are some ideas of classes, hobbies, or activities to consider looking into:
- Local universities and community colleges offer a range of adult education programs, as well as certificate programs for different career interests or goals
- People interested in expanding their creative skills can often find classes and workshops at local studios, galleries, or recreation centers
- Those interested in practical skills like cooking, gardening, budgeting, or DIY projects may find classes offered in their community by searching online or on their local independent news site
5. Relax and loosen up around people
People who believe they’re boring tend to be tense, nervous, and awkward around other people, constantly worrying about what other people think of them. This makes it harder to open up and be yourself around others, and therefore impossible for them to actually get to know you. By relaxing more around people, your conversations will feel less forced, more natural, and connecting will become easier.
Try these steps to become more relaxed and open around other people:
- Allow your humor, quirks, and personality to show more around people; our guide on how to be funny has useful advice on using humor
- Speak your mind more and filter less of what you say
- Focus your attention outward when in a conversation instead of on yourself
- Try to make others feel comfortable, rather than trying to make a certain impression
- Relax your posture, get comfortable, lean in, and use open and confident body language
6. Enjoy your conversations more
People who stress about what other people think of them have a hard time actually enjoying conversations with other people. Instead, each conversation becomes a source of dread, and feels painful to endure, and is rarely something they look forward to or enjoy. Enjoyable interactions help to relax you while also rewriting some of the negative stories you have about how awkward or painful it is to talk to people.
Here are some simple ways to find more pleasure and enjoyment in conversations:
- Prime yourself for positive interactions before an event by taking a few minutes to mentally visualize yourself talking, laughing, and having fun with people you’ll see there
- Choose conversation topics that you find interesting or fun to discuss or ones you feel passionate about
- Get curious and ask people questions about things that interest you about the other person or their life
7. Go off-script in conversations
People who have social anxiety or are insecure about what others think of them often spend a lot of time scripting and rehearsing what they’ll say to people. This can lead them to have interactions that feel rigid, awkward, or boring, and this kind of scripting is also proven to make people feel more socially anxious.
Try these strategies to go off-script and have more natural conversations with people:
- Be in the moment during a conversation, instead of being stuck in your head
- Filter less of what you think and allow yourself to say things that pop into your mind
- Allow for short pauses and silences to occur naturally, instead of scrambling to fill them
- Break out of small talk cycles by introducing new topics or asking different questions
8. Learn how to tell a good story
Stories captivate people’s interest, drawing them in and making them more interested. While you might not think of yourself as a good storyteller, this is a skill that anyone can develop with a little practice.
You can become a good storyteller by following these simple steps:
- Choose a story that is funny, interesting, or has a strong point or theme
- Add enough detail to set the scene and draw the person into the story
- Follow a logical order of beginning, middle, and end
- Deliver some kind of closure or punchline at the end
- Make the story come alive by adding emotion, being more expressive, and changing your voice to engage people more
9. Don’t be afraid to be different
Many people who worry that they won’t be able to keep others interested in a conversation also have a fear of being judged for being different from other people. Since there’s nothing more boring than trying to be just like someone else, this is a fear that needs to be overcome if your goal is to be more interesting.
Here are some small ways to begin facing (and overcoming) your fear of being different:
- Share an honest opinion even when you aren’t sure others agree
- Disclose something a little personal about yourself
- Give yourself permission to disagree with someone
- Talk about things you like or are interested in
- Laugh when you feel like it, instead of when you think you should
10. Become interested in people
Interest is reciprocal, so becoming more interested in people is one of the best ways to get them more interested in you. People can often detect when your interest is fake, so it’s important to develop a sincere interest in other people. This is one of the best and most proven ways to get people to like and be interested in you and is fairly easy to accomplish.
Here are some ways to show interest in others and get them more interested in you:
- Ask open-ended questions to learn more about them (i.e., questions that can’t be answered in one word)
- Make eye contact, nod, smile, and really listen to what they say (vs. just waiting for your turn to talk)
- Develop a curious mindset about people to help you approach conversations with an open mindset
- Make it your mission to find at least one thing about everyone that you like, find interesting, or enjoy about them
- Seek out people who you find interesting or intriguing, and aim to spend more time getting to know them
How to be more interesting to a guy or girl you like
It’s normal to want to make a good impression on someone you are interested in dating, but being too concerned about how you are coming across to them can be a turn-off. Avoid talking too much about yourself or trying too hard to get them to like you. Instead, focus on letting them know you like them.
Reciprocal interest is the key to romantic and sexual attraction, and doing your part to show you are interested is the best way to get someone interested in you. Make sure to also pay close attention to how they are responding to your interest and to back off or stop if they seem uncomfortable or uninterested.
Here are some ways to show a guy or girl you like you are interested in them:
- Show interest in them, their life, and things they like and care about
- Smile and be warm and friendly to them to demonstrate that you like them
- Relax and open up to them, and try to be more authentic and genuine
- Let them know you enjoy spending time with them and ask to see them again
While being more intriguing might seem like the best way to get people interested in you, this isn’t necessarily true. The best ways to attract friends or romantic partners are to be friendly, open, and to show a genuine interest in them. People who feel like they’re boring or have little to offer also may need to work on changing some of the limiting beliefs and stories about themselves that could be holding them back. Even small changes in your routine can help you build confidence, spice up your life a little, and also create more chances to meet new people.
How do I know if I’m a boring person?
If this is a concern for you, a better question might be why you feel you’re boring and what you can do to change this belief about yourself. Everyone will have their own opinion, but yours is the one that matters most.
What makes people interesting to talk to?
The most interesting people to talk to are usually the people who are the most open, including people who don’t spend a lot of time filtering everything they say. Being open can lead to deep and highly meaningful conversations that people didn’t expect to have.
Read more here about what makes someone interesting to talk to.
How can I have more interesting text conversations?
Conversations over text are somewhat limited, but there are some ways to make them more interesting. You can ask questions or send links to songs, videos, or articles you’re reading to spark conversations. Sending gifs, memes, and pictures can also help to make texting more fun and interesting.