I know a guy who’s not the traditional social type… at all.
He doesn’t care much about his looks or what others think of him.
He isn’t even that interested in making new friends. He just wants to relax and hang out with his girlfriend and close social circle.
Still, people seem to gravitate towards him.
As an example, he ran into a well-known TV-comedian a few weeks ago here in Sweden. Guess what happens? The comedian wants to meet up again and soon they’re hanging out.
He shows how you don’t have to be like everyone else to have a great social life.
So, how does he pull this off? As I’ve known him for many years, I’ve seen first hand what he’s doing:
1. He never tries to make people like him
When he meets people, he isn’t looking for their approval. He never brags about his accomplishments, unless someone asks. He lets the other person talk and shows a genuine interest in the people he meets.
2. He acts like he’s known the person for years
You know the nervous conversation two strangers have when they’ve just met? They have a constant nervous smile on their face and go up in tone by the end of each question.
– Do you come here often?
– Yes sometimes. And you?
– Yes sometimes me too.
(awkward silence)
– Lovely weather, isn’t it?
He’s the opposite of that. He talks about what’s on his mind with the same comfort as if he spoke to someone he’s known for years.
3. He nurtures his interests
You probably wonder where he meets all these people. He’s involved in things he’s interested in. If there’s no group for his interest, he starts one. Throughout his life, he’s been involved in everything from political groups to stand-up comedy workshops.
He’s a living example that you don’t have to turn into someone you’re not, compromising who you are, or being shallow.
What it ACTUALLY takes to become an interesting person
I often hear people say:
“I’m not an interesting person. I don’t have a cool or representable life story. How do I make my life seem more interesting?”
You know what? Your life story isn’t the important part when it comes to being interesting.
One of the things people like about my friend is that he’s as far from self-centered that you can be. People find him incredibly interesting. Not because he talks about how interesting he is, but because he always finds things to talk about that also interests others.
- He knows how to scout for similar interests
- Then, he talks about those interests with the person and asks follow-up questions
- If he’s experienced something he knows is interesting to the person he talks to, THEN he shares it
What makes you truly interesting isn’t the life you live.
What you need is an interest in people.
That interest in people will help you discover what you have in common with people.
Read mroe here: How to be an interesting person to talk to.
When you’re good at finding commonalities, THAT’S when people say “It’s so interesting to talk to you!”
What are 3 things you are looking for in a friend? 3 commonalities that make you like someone. When you know what you’re looking for, it’s much easier to find it.
Head over to the comments below to see what others have written, and share what you are looking for!
Hello !
I saw a most are looking and tagging some intrests that what they love to talk and hear or search for somone. Okay ill do it mine im a guy and who studying and working (training) on construction industry i love to meet people who are love to study no matter what it is and yes i love sports i love everything. Travel music sports and mmm. Etc. But hey i dont know how this is work but honestly i would like to say i cant get practice with i mean im not from the usa or uk so its not realistic and yes we can talk anything space technology and aports life animals i m not saying to that im like a professor but i know them to talk and i have my own ideas on them. Having a contact of foreign friends makes me happy and i know my locals are never here. Cause if there is someone like me he usually get hidden . Stay safe and be healthy !!
Sorry but I’m afraid the language difference is making it hard to understand what you’re saying.
I like to talk about business, drawing and traveling.
Previously i used to be able to connect with anyone no matter the situation or subjects. I relate to what you say about just being into people.
There are some things I am not interested in for instance some songs and music but surprisingly if someone is talking about history, I am all ears!!!
I Sometimes lose interest in things that does not interest me like romantic movies or series even though I listen to what the other person is saying it clearly shows on my face that I would rather be anywhere else at that moment but if someone is willing to talk Sports and Novels (Crime, Thrillers etc) or Crime or Sci Fi web series I would be all ears
hay,,, same.. i also am not much interested in romantic stuffs,, but as most of the other people around me likes it ( specially girls) ,,, i forcefully try to show interest in,, this really feels very uncomfortable ,,
I also like science and fiction, , actions ,, and sports,, but seems like not much people are like us, ????
Things I look for in a person is someone who can talk and listen well and someone who like sports. People come to me a lot telling me there problems and then they leave. I am a good listener but i do not get to talk; when they let me talk I do not know what to say. I want someone who likes sports because I need someone to play and practice with.
3 things I look for in a person is:
– same or common interests than me because I actually have a lot to talk about when it comes to this haha
– they have goos intentions towards everyone
– that they are nice
Also this content is helpful I hope this will be applied to my life when I actually do it yk what I mean?????
I like to talk about travel, politics and about people.
First of all, I am interested in down to earth people, who like animals, nature and philosophical themes. But I am also interested in people, who have aspirations, things that move them, that energize them. In addition, if they are just a little bit nerdy liking series, movies and fantasy books, I like it. ^^
But I also have to say that up to this point, this whole page is exactely, what I have been looking for years. I am working on myself since over a year. I quite some addictions, became quite muscular, but social life was always a problem up to this day. Then yesterday and the day before was a turning point after just a couple of emails: At my part time job, people like to talk to me. Those are engaging conversations. It is fun really. And the most crazy part is that yesterday, a woman was hitting on me. Like for real. This has never happened before. Now I have a date next week. This is unbelievable. You are really an underrated hero. Can’t wait for more emails.
Alex, I’m so happy for you,
Enjoy the life
Regds
Right, heres the big problem:
I don’t have an interest in people. Never have, probably never will. What am I supposed to do?
I feel exactly the same. ????????
Hi,
Three things I look for in friends:
Common love for certain form of media(tv shows, movies, anime),
Their ability to listen
How trusting they are.
With series I watch ones like black mirror, room 104 and origin(scifi, mistery horror genre). The same genre which applies to anime and movies.
I can also be listening and open minded
To be honest. I always avoid talking to others. I dont no if it’s my depression and I’m going through de_ personalization. But I often block my thoughts and a t weird around people. I almost feel too stupid to talk to people and get offended easily. I actually think about murdering people which is bad I no but I never would. I just dont no how to be happy and it piss’s me off. I’ve lost interest in everything and when people talk my mind just doesnt react to it. Or I get angry if people are being happy or laughing I’m a very damaged person.i never had a real friend. Abdi kind of just never step out of my confront zone and always feel so uneasy in socal situations to the point where I cant handle it. I’m currently living with a girl I have feeli gs for but she doesnt feel same. And I should probably move out but I’m so lonely I’d rather live with her than go back to an empty shallow life. I have so much physical pains it makes me want to die but I keep on fighting it. Honestly i dont even no how to talk to people anymore how to hold a conversation. When people talk to me about daily thi gs in life .y mind has a panic attack because I’m so cut off from reality idonr no what to say or what they are even talking about.its sticking. This girl I like is girl of my dreams but she doesbt want me cos she knows I’m depressed and miserable and hardly talk to her. But I honestly dont talk to her because of my feelings and if we start talking my hormones go up then I cant handle the situation that I want to have wex with her so bad that it feels like torture. I really just cabt handle problems anymore. I cant find a job and have mental health issues and I’m stuck inside every day playing games. It’s no life at all and I want to change it just feels so hard whe its probably so easy
Hi Mark
Yes i 53 and have similar issues its very hard hard dealing with depression social anxiety and insecurities fears low self esteem etc etc I hope you are in a better brighter place if you need to talk feel free to email me
Take care
I can’t even put thoughts into words. but I feel the same. ???????? And my woman left me because I was this way. Pkus, I work to much. and when I got home I wasn’t fun. its killing me. I dont even know how I git thus email. I feel like talking to myself about my issues Landes me here
Hi David,
The 3 things that interest me is this:
People that are active and like to participate in sports is intresting.
Another is that they could like to bing watch t.v. shows such the flash, arrow or supergirl.
Lastly, they should be funny to talk to, making people laugh one of the greatest thing you could do to have amd interesting conversation
Well, I think we get interest in a person when we get something common as well as interesting topics that we want to share (eagerly) with people…if the person is interested and get comfortable or friendly then we make our next move to discuss/share that further. This is all about ‘Initiation’ to start a conversation. And I think it should be done mutually. But if a person not even try to innitiate then there’s no point in talking according to me.
And thank you David for these thoughts you share with us in a daily basis so that we could understand those people with whom we interact out there.
I hate loud places and most of the time I would even ignore my closest friend when he’s talking because I’m just not interested in it. If there is something that can set me off and enjoy talking for hours, it would be to a person with a common interest in technology, someone who is really knowledgeable about multiple industry and someone who has the ability and passion to go against me in a debate while still maintaining our friendship. I love debating with people, it gave me a sense of curiosity and thirst for knowledge unlike anything.
HI David!
I’m enjoying your tips. they are really helpful. I think following you I will improve my relationship with people I (will) know.
Thanks David these tips are really helpful I have already tried what you sent in the last 3 emails and they succeeded
Thanks David
I find this very helpful. I realized that it’s easier to be relaxed and to not think so much when meeting new people, but I have a problem that I think is much harder to fix when it comes to connecting with people. I just feel that I can’t connect with people that I meet. At first I find them interesting and have a nice time with them, but after a few days when I meet the same person I feel that I can’t connect with him/her anymore. It’s like I get scared of not being able to put our relationship on the higher level(possible friend). And this happens like everytime I meet someone new and interesting to me, I just can’t think of anything to talk anymore and the anxiety eats me inside. Do you have any advice that can help me?
David Morin, all of this is so helpful and should be so obvious. Thank you so much for these free life tips. You are making a difference in the world.
Thank you Logan! =)
I think just the feeling that you can say whatever and be completely yourself around the person is a great quality. If I find that we have things we’re both interested in that’s another great quality as well!
Thank you
David for creating this Social Pro space so we can chat to you and each other I’ve been away for a while I know.. but I do like that we can express ourselves, decuss topics and learn together.
Hi David, thank you for the story that helps you understand others. In big ways, I’m such kind and take me as I am, and others as they are. But it is not always easy for people to understand and accept that one does not strive for anyone to like me, but to stick to their interests, but does not require others to agree. I do not matter if you can see the interior of others. But I have a feeling if I start conversation for relaxed, not in the style of “hello” or “today we have nice weather” but start talking to people like I am known long ago that others perceive it as being not normal , especially here in Sweden. Then you get a bit confused and question what is normal.
As I am reading these articles and watching your videos (which are fantastic by the way!), I find myself thinking that, even if I do apply these principles to my social life, I will still struggle big time. This is because I actually don’t know what I think about things, or what I value and why. I have been such a people pleaser for so long, terrified of rejection, that I lost myself in it all. Most of my thought life is consumed by my anxiety and my obsession with how I have a to “fix” myself. My question is do you have any advice on how to relearn who I am and learn to express myself in these ways?
-jaimie
If someone enjoys sports, new technologies (self driving cars, Tesla) and has a genuine curiosity to improve I am all ears. Thank you for content it is very helpful!
I would like to share a story with you. I challenged myself when I was 19 and spent six months in Brazil, with a language I didn’t speak. And guess what I learned?
The body language tells you a lot more about a person than what words the person is using. So, here are my tips for making contact and getting engagement:
– Get out of your own shell/world and focus on the other person
– Make eye contact and use a calm and relaxed body language
– Open arms/shoulders towards the person you are speaking to (no crossed arms)
– Make sure the other person feels like a priority when you speak to them
When kids haven’t seen their best friend for a while – they don’t speak – they make a body posture and the other kid is making the same posture. After this, everything is back to normal again, like as they never have been apart.
Awesome Rocky, I like your mindset!
I’m looking for someone who 1. will talk openly about complicated philosophical issues, 2. has a sense of humor about life, and 3. reads a lot and has a lot of knowledge, so that we have lots of things we can talk about.
i am in sales
for the ‘PROTO’ – sales part, so to say, i need to begin with good conversation
BUT
on FB i am having a more charity centred mission
i would love to chat with those feeling blue to make them feel better
But they just clam up
i guess when i felt blue i too did not like to talk on those topics that made me feel worse
i guess You know, as social scientists, the solution to disarming those feeling blue
Please in my lifetime i need to get this achievement as it is central to my FB mission
On LinkedIn i target sales
But here i have almost no problems conversing with prospects
As a lover of math problems, incl: Fermat’s 3rd theorem, i would like to reach the more DIFFICULT goal.
Someone who is brilliant, funny and smart.
Good ones!
Your words and what you say really help a lot. I like the positive feedback, thank you, means a lot. I like reading your messages their very inspiring and excellent. I do believe it’s good to find an interest in people that have something common with that person .
Thanks!
If someone either likes the same tv-shows as me, cats or cooking I’m pretty sure we will come along great 🙂 I will try your technique to look for this more in the future. I’m enjoying your emails a lot so far, I love improving and learning this way!
Thanks Gabriella! 🙂
This material is helpful. I should make improvement going forward as i work on the highlighted themes. Thanks for sharing.
I’m sure you will! Good luck 🙂