I know a guy who’s not the traditional social type… at all.
He doesn’t care much about his looks or what others think of him.
He isn’t even that interested in making new friends. He just wants to relax and hang out with his girlfriend and close social circle.
Still, people seem to gravitate towards him.
As an example, he ran into a well-known TV-comedian a few weeks ago here in Sweden. Guess what happens? The comedian wants to meet up again and soon they’re hanging out.
He shows how you don’t have to be like everyone else to have a great social life.
So, how does he pull this off? As I’ve known him for many years, I’ve seen first hand what he’s doing:
1. He never tries to make people like him
When he meets people, he isn’t looking for their approval. He never brags about his accomplishments, unless someone asks. He lets the other person talk and shows a genuine interest in the people he meets.
2. He acts like he’s known the person for years
You know the nervous conversation two strangers have when they’ve just met? They have a constant nervous smile on their face and go up in tone by the end of each question.
– Do you come here often?
– Yes sometimes. And you?
– Yes sometimes me too.
(awkward silence)
– Lovely weather, isn’t it?
He’s the opposite of that. He talks about what’s on his mind with the same comfort as if he spoke to someone he’s known for years.
3. He nurtures his interests
You probably wonder where he meets all these people. He’s involved in things he’s interested in. If there’s no group for his interest, he starts one. Throughout his life, he’s been involved in everything from political groups to stand-up comedy workshops.
He’s a living example that you don’t have to turn into someone you’re not, compromising who you are, or being shallow.
What it ACTUALLY takes to become an interesting person
I often hear people say:
“I’m not an interesting person. I don’t have a cool or representable life story. How do I make my life seem more interesting?”
You know what? Your life story isn’t the important part when it comes to being interesting.
One of the things people like about my friend is that he’s as far from self-centered that you can be. People find him incredibly interesting. Not because he talks about how interesting he is, but because he always finds things to talk about that also interests others.
- He knows how to scout for similar interests
- Then, he talks about those interests with the person and asks follow-up questions
- If he’s experienced something he knows is interesting to the person he talks to, THEN he shares it
What makes you truly interesting isn’t the life you live.
What you need is an interest in people.
That interest in people will help you discover what you have in common with people.
Read mroe here: How to be an interesting person to talk to.
When you’re good at finding commonalities, THAT’S when people say “It’s so interesting to talk to you!”
What are 3 things you are looking for in a friend? 3 commonalities that make you like someone. When you know what you’re looking for, it’s much easier to find it.
Head over to the comments below to see what others have written, and share what you are looking for!
I like these three qualities in a person:
Driven/focused on improving
Rarely criticizes me and if they do it’s constructive
Doesn’t need to constantly be talked to yet wants to hang out
What I look for in a friend is someone who’s vulnerable, adventurous, and understanding.
open people
educated people
People who don’t cheat
I want a friend that’s honest, enjoys table top games, and will camp with me.
I’ve been practicing this on people I met recently, and I just find myself not able to bring on the curiosity to know about the other person.. I know I needed to ask questions and show interest, but then at the moment, I just didn’t want to talk at all.. the other guy tried hard to keep asking me questions, but it turned into like an interview, where he ask questions, and I answer… it wasn’t him who can’t carry a conversation, it was me who did not reciprocate the effort. I really just didn’t care about other people!! How do I get more curious about others? I feel like I am a self-centered piece of crap.
I don’t really look for commonalities, if you show any interest I’m likely to conform to you. I tend to mimic that person I’m not proud of it but it is how I get by.
Looking forward making this type of attitude
I do rarely get blanked by a few people when I propose meeting up. I do also occasionally get non-committal answers to my suggestions of meeting up. I personally am not 100% sure why it happens but my guess is that it is due to them not liking me or not being interested in me. If I could get a response to this comment I would really appreciate it.
1. They have to nice and treat others with genuine respect. 2. Non-judgmental. 3. Honest. Funny is a great quality. However, in the interest of fairness I prefer to list things that I believe people have the most control over.
hay,,, same.. i also am not much interested in romantic stuffs,, but as most of the other people around me likes it ( specially girls) ,,, i forcefully try to show interest in,, this really feels very uncomfortable ,,
I also like science and fiction, , actions ,, and sports,, but seems like not much people are like us, ????
hay,,, same.. i also am not much interested in romantic stuffs,, but as most of the other people around me likes it ( specially girls) ,,, i forcefully try to show interest in,, this really feels very uncomfortable ,,
I also like science and fiction, , actions ,, and sports,, but seems like not much people are like us, ????
umm,, i am a student, , but unlike most, I do like science .. I like to watch documentaries and si fy stuff.. But unfortunately, most the people I’m around are least interested in, that’s why I some times feel left out,, ????
I most certainly feel the same way. Most of the conversations are centered around romanticism and relationships and I feel left out because I don’t enjoy gossiping or such conversations.
I am a renaissance person who is also studying the sciences, I love literature, movies sci-fi, art , sports and video games. As interesting as all these interests sound, it is hard fir me to make friends.
I mean I try to listen to people ,and talk less about myself, but I seem not to find common traits in the majority of people leading to me spending my days with just my dog.
Am genuinely a good listener and I can understand things from people’s perspectives, but the most people that I have met these past few years weren’t doing the same and for me to try keep the peace with them was me changing my behaviour for them up until I started to lose patience so now it’s the first time am actually trying to socialize and cutting the previous negative people in my life and starting afresh so if anyone feels like they are similar to me, let me know????????