Why Don’t People Like Me - Quiz

Believing that no-one likes you can be an incredibly lonely feeling.

If you don’t have a large social circle, feeling like no-one likes you can make it very difficult to find new friends.

If you do have friends and relationships, you can be left worrying that people are only hanging out with you through a sense of obligation.

I’ve put together this quiz to help you understand why you might feel this way, and what you can do about it. Whether your belief that others dislike you is true or not, there are things you can do to help build the social network that you want.

Consider online therapy

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Use the link below to get 20% off your first month at BetterHelp + a $50 coupon valid for any SocialSelf course. To receive your $50 SocialSelf coupon, sign up for BetterHelp using the link below. Email the order confirmation to SocialSelf to get your unique coupon code.

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Also, see our guide on what to do if you don’t have any friends.

Sections

Part 1: Assessing your situation
Part 2: Thought patterns that make it hard for people to like you
Part 3: Behaviour patterns that make it hard for people to like you

Part 1: Assessing your situation

Sometimes, the way we think about the world can lead us to believe that others don’t like us, even when they do. These types of incorrect thinking are known as cognitive distortions. In this section, we will look at some of the most common cognitive distortions to get a more realistic sense of how people view you.

Have you ever felt that someone didn't like you and found out later that wasn’t true?

Yes

Do you sometimes feel like people are “just being nice” when they are friendly to you?

Yes

Do you tend to feel like people either think you’re awesome or hate you? (Black-and-white thinking)

Yes

Have you ever felt so hurt or upset that you didn’t notice someone trying to reach out or be kind to you?

Yes

Do you feel like you’ll know how a social interaction will play out before it starts?

Yes

Do you wonder why some people do like you?

Yes

Part 2: Thought patterns that make it hard for people to like you

Although other people aren’t mind-readers, there are some ways of looking at the world that can make you less attractive to spend time with. These thought patterns can show in your facial expressions, voice, and behavior.
Changing how you think about the world can change how other people feel about you.

Do you generally find people boring?

Yes

Do you find yourself judging others?

Yes

Do you assume that general critical comments are actually aimed at you?

Yes

Do you get frustrated when it takes time for someone to warm up to you?

Yes

Do you suffer from depression?

Yes

Could you be too clingy?

Yes

Do people ever tell you that you come across as intimidating or stand-offish?

Yes

Do you get angry easily?

Yes

Part 3: Behavior patterns that make it hard for people to like you

As well as your thought patterns driving people away, you may have some behaviors that make it more difficult for others to enjoy spending time with you. There is no judgment associated with these behaviors. Many of us do these things from time to time. The important thing is to make progress.

Do you sometimes interrupt others when they are speaking?

Yes

Do you often complain about things?

Yes

Do you wait for others to invite you rather than taking initiative?

Yes

Do you tend to share personal topics quickly?

Yes

Do you avoid social situations?

Yes

Do you lack hobbies and outside interests?

Yes

Do you swear a lot or use language that others may find uncomfortable?

Yes

Do you tend to be the one talking the most?

Yes

Do people sometimes take a step back from you during conversations?

Yes

Do people sometimes ask you to use a softer voice?

Yes

Show references +

References

Nickerson, R. S. (1998). Confirmation bias: A ubiquitous phenomenon in many guises. Review of General Psychology, 2(2), 175–220.
Muris, P., Merckelbach, H., & van Spauwen, I. (2003). The emotional reasoning heuristic in children. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 41(3), 261–272.
‌Jamali, H. R. (2019). The battle against cognitive bias. InCite, 40(9/10), 40.
Hall, J. A. (2018). How many hours does it take to make a friend? Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 36(4), 1278–1296.
‌de Jonghe, F., Kool, S., van Aalst, G., Dekker, J., & Peen, J. (2001). Combining psychotherapy and antidepressants in the treatment of depression. Journal of Affective Disorders, 64(2–3), 217–229.

‌Reeck, C., Ames, D. R., & Ochsner, K. N. (2016). The Social Regulation of Emotion: An Integrative, Cross-Disciplinary Model. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 20(1), 47–63.
‌Hill, C. L. M., & Updegraff, J. A. (2012). Mindfulness and its relationship to emotional regulation. Emotion, 12(1), 81–90.
Kowalski, R. M. (1996). Complaints and complaining: Functions, antecedents, and consequences. Psychological Bulletin, 119(2), 179–196.
Bell, P. A., Kline, L. M., & Barnard, W. A. (1988). Friendship and Freedom of Movement as Moderators of Sex Differences in Interpersonal Distancing. The Journal of Social Psychology, 128(3), 305–310.
‌Odd, T. B. (2012). Loud talkers: Why do some voices seem to be set at top volume? NBC News.
(2020). Public and Private Space. Pacific.Edu.

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3 Comments

Anonymous

January 20, 2022 at 4:42 pm

Why didnt it give me my results??!?
Reply
Adi

December 4, 2021 at 4:58 pm

Why didnt it give me my results??!?
Reply
- Viktor Sander B.Sc., B.A.
  
  January 18, 2022 at 1:32 pm
  
  It’s hard to tell. Try turning off your adblocker or try it on a different device. Then press “Submit” after filling in your answers.
  Reply