Do you want to be good at talking to people and connecting with them?
We’ve had a massive interest in a course that helps take you all the way — step by step — from “Hi” to hanging out with someone as a close friend. Therefore, we created “How to Talk to People & Make Friends With Them”.
The course helps you connect with anyone and with the system, the community, and the course format, you’ll get better results than we could ever achieve in our emails.
This course is for you who…
- Feel like it takes forever to make friends (or it never happens)
- Feel like people won’t be interested in what you have to say (or that you aren’t interesting enough)
- Get stuck in your head because of self-consciousness or social anxiety
- End up beating yourself up for stupid things you’ve said
- Feel uncomfortable about being judged if you open up
- Feel like people will think you’re weird if you talk to them
- Don’t know what to say
- Get stuck in small talk
Why get a course when there’s an ocean of free advice out there?
With all the advice out there, why isn’t everyone a social genius? The answer: More advice doesn’t automatically make us better.
That’s why Talk to People & Make Friends With Them isn’t another “advice-bomb”. Here’s what we do differently to give you results:
- Instead of trying to remember 100 different things, you can just follow our system.
- We focus on one core concept at a time and help you internalize it.
- With my practical video examples, you get experience that no blog post or book can give you.
- Signing up for our program means you become a part of our SocialSelf Inner Circle: Whenever you get stuck or want to discuss something, you get help from Viktor, me, and all our members who share your journey.
- Our material is scientifically based, optimized for results, based on countless video calls with beta testers, and created together with counselors and therapists.
Advice can be good sometimes. We give a lot of advice in our free material so you can decide if our way of doing things works for you before you spend a penny.
And when you’re ready for change, we’ve got a system proven by hundreds of men and women like you who took the leap and joined our community.
Hello. I need to figure out how to engage with people, in general. Last week, I was at a meeting and the participants were going to a restaurant afterwards(they always do). Theres another lady who goes to the group and Ive, peripherally, connected with her a bit. So, I thought that, if I decided to go to the restaurant that time, she could be kind of an ally, kind of my “in” with the group. However, when I went up to ask if she was going, she was talking with someone else, and because I didnt know how to break into their conversation to ask her, I just kinda ended up standing there like an idiot, changing my mind about asking, and leaving. How do you break into, or even join, other peoples conversations? Too, how do you just walk up to a stranger and just start talking?
The other thing that happened at that meeting was that someone just came up and started talking to me, conversating. I was sooo taken aback(because not many do) that my “spidey-senses” went off and I felt highly uncomfortable, like I had to get out of there(like, a real panic attack). I stayed through the entire meeting, and, afterwards, asked a facilitator if she thought he was being overly friendly and she said, “No.” What do I do with that???!!!!
For me, I’m not very good at starting conversations with my school mates which I don’t really know of and never know how to go up to people and talk, even if I do, the conversation would be very short as my mind goes blank and my tongue gets twisted and I only know how to ask general question. I am not an outgoing person probably because I’m lack in self-confidence and scared of people judgements and how they will perceived me. Even though most of my classmates called me the “quiet” one but deep down I am one of the noisiest whether ever I am at home. Sometimes I really want to fit in and setting unrealistic goals for myself like “I will get to know everyone in my class and try to be friends with them” which usually goes down the drain. It will be a huge step for me to get out of my comfort zone to met new people as I feel like I am socially awkward. But what I want to improve the most is I want to be more of myself and stop being a picture perfect person as I fear of people judgements. I also want to be more confident in myself,know how to go up to people and starting a conversation with them and also know how to end conversation without any awkwardness. The biggest problem is that I am in a new class next year and probably all of of them have their own “friend” groups and most of the time I won’t get noticed. Most of the time I have difficulties adjusting in new environment and everytime there is groupwork, I am the only one that doesn’t have a group. How should I go about dealing with that?
I really like this video. It helps me.
It was always hard for me to connect with people in that kind of way. I always find myself drowned with fear when I just try to do it. I always think that I don’t worth as much as other people, and I think that is the biggest reason why I back off when I start getting closer to others. I have friends, but I always find myself not able to make new friends with people I like. I ussualy hang out with friends that are treating me like s*it. They always make fun of me and my insecurities. They lough about how quiet I am, how I am bad at socializing and they often comment to other people questions about me like…someone asks me do I have a romantical interest, and my friend replies to them loughing and saying that there is not one girl in this world that would want to be with me. I think I attract that kind of people because I am quiet and unsecure and they see it. When I leave them, others same as them come into my life and want to hang out with me all the time. I feel like they love to have me as a friend so they can feel superior to me. I tried and tried to tell them that is bothering me and to stop with mean jokes, but they won’t listen. They say I am just insecure and sensitive. I have some friends that treat me well and I like to hang out with them. Nearly everyone who has comed into my life for the past 5 years turned up to be someone that treats me bad. I feel like I attract only people who want to use me and make fun of me, because they are the only ones that show interest in becoming friends with me,and I feel that I must become a stronger person and stop being an easy target for this kind of friends…. I’m just sick of it, only hanging out with people that don’t treat me well and making me feel bad.
I would like to work on opening up and feeling more comfortable to being myself in conversation I have a lot of walls built up in fear of people thinking I’m weird, sometimes I get so nervous and forget the words for everyday things and i go silent, I have a very social job and I find that very draining so I want to find a balance where socializing doesn’t take so much out of me and it’s more fun
I really want to try and get to know more people, but I’m just really shy and never know how to go up to the people a really want to meet. I always feel like they’re going to think im weird, since I’m usually so quiet
I really want to improve on not being superficial, even though I hate it I still feel the pressure to try to “fit in” and please people.
But since they’ve already labeled me as a “quiet” or “boring” person, I have a hard time opening up and actually getting to know them because they’ve already lost interest in me. I just don’t know the “right” questions to ask, or the “right” things to say to actually get to know someone. I’m trying to just “be myself”, but I don’t really know who I am…
I’m going to try to stop chasing after people, because I can’t force people to like me, and it’s such a waste of time and energy!
I’m going to focus on improving my self-confidence and being the person I want to be, and hopefully friends will eventually come along naturally.
The thing is, I’m sure there are people out there who I would really get along with, I just don’t know where and how to find them! It’s so frustrating ;(
This was a fabulous video. Thanks so much! I’d really love it if you gave more examples of how to ask about the person’s relationship to the subject. Like a list of question starters, I mean. Hope this makes sense. Thanks!
Thanks for those vids, I my new class all the kids are sitting in groups and talking about their things without noticing me. what should I do? i’m like a ghost when i’m trying to get closer to one of the groups…
I would like to improve on initiating a conversation with someone to start and then to become less nervous so I can actually open up and connect to that person.
Hi, so glad i stumbled across this. I have a type of social anxiety and feel limited and a little self conscious about striking conversations due to the fear of awkward silence and just not being able to keep up conversations. I look forward to learning and trying these techniques!! Just want to say thank you and hope this will help me open up and be comfortable in certain situations!
Hi,
I have been dating a lot lately but I only seem to have one date. I think I need to be a better listener and ask better questions. I think I learned something here today. Asking people how they feel about, or, relate to a topic allows a response that is much more revealing about them than just asking a factual question.
I love these videos so much! I’ve always had a hard time talking to people and I never thought that it was possible to learn how to improve. Thank you so much for helping me!
I am emigrated to a country very far from my homecountry.(but it is similar in US or western Europe) in Many foreingers live here though but when I ask a personal question like ‘why did you move to this country?’they close up immediately and walk away or really change the subject completely. Most people avoid personal questions no way to get an answer it turns people of. I tried many of the tricks in my life even wen also reveiling something about myself on te matter first they still not reply. Most people dislike personal talk.
Actually many things in the mails I tried already in my long life and they are exactly the things which turn of people.
It all sounds so easy but reality is something totally different.
Also gender plays a big part. And origin I guess.
There is a big difference starting a conversation with an Italian woman(I am a woman) or starting it with a German or US woman. I experienced a lot of these examples. The Italian is much more approachable then the German one.
And there is much more which you should research well before making people thing it is all so easy. It is absolutely not and it is even more difficult since social media. People not start a conversation easy anymore.
I will love to learn how to go over feelings of inferiority when talking with some people.
My goal is to be with others without being tired or worn-out. Often I notice when I have fun this is easier:) I think it is about me having a comfortable distance so I do not lose myself into listening….as I am psychotherapeut….
When I have fun I feel free, enjoy and can have a better connection with me and others. So I need to learn how to stay free, joyful with others to make close relationships effortless:)
Dear David,
I am unable to join in to existing conversations easily. As a Doctor, I am not the super intellectual type, but I work very hard and crave making friends outside of my work. So, when a gathering does come up, I am usually late and must “join in”.
I usually have to invite myself to a table, and am not good at “breaking in”.
It is easier with other Drs, but there I am back with my own kind. Any ideas?
Sandra
What I want to improve in is just starting a good conversation. A few days ago I wanted to talk to a boy i really looked up too. But every attempt lead me to an anxiety attack.
I kept thinking, “What if i mess up?” “What if I seem to obsessed?” “What if I make a blunder of myself?”
That day actually brought me here, so I can try to improve myself from:
1. Never having another social anxiety attack.
2. Being able to talk to the people I want too, properly.
sorry I missed the reply
I know this is a little off topic by I’m an introvert who has difficulty fitting in with a group of really extroverted people in school. I’ve been trying to fit in with them for almost 3yrs now and nothing seems to be working. HELP !!!
I’d like to get better at approaching new people, start a conversation and bond.
I kind of want to improve at what all these people have said in the comments. Because of that I also want to improve on how to always bring my self esteem up, and to not always bring it down. By the way thank you David and Viktor for all the help you are giving!
I just want to be relaxed when talking to people, and not feel like there is a voice shoving me down in my head as I do so. I want to be comfortable.
I’m from the other side of the spectrum and I have no problems talking to people or opening up conversations. Yet here in Scandinavia I struggle quite a bit because most people are reserved. I do my best to open conversations also get people to open up and share their experiences. Yet in Scandinavia it takes more than a year to become close friends, if not more.
A note to shy and RESERVED people is to at least take a few steps forward once the extrovert has asked 3 questions to you in an attempt to open the conversation. If you think the extrovert needs to ask you 10 questions before you become curious, then I’m sorry that’s a tough ask.
I hope David’s videos help RESERVED people realize they need to unreserve a bit so that there is opportunity for both sides to converse.
Thank you for your wonderful and supportive comments to everyone on the blog Biju. Your perspective is very interesting.
My bank account is empty. How am I supposed to do anything? Nobody listens to what I have to say… Everyone want to lie and be lied to. So if lies are what they want… I suppose.
It’ll be great fun to watch the confusion go on forever.
Be curious don’t be superficial. If you approach a stranger start with “are you from around here?” Now be prepared with a second and third question as a follow up. Like if they say I just moved here, you can ask where they lived before and why they moved. Be curious about people and ask slightly personal questions. You can even precede the questions by saying “hope you don’t mind me asking”
This is something in particular that I struggle with as most of the time conversations I have are quite superficial and don’t get that deep or meaningful. Not to say that this occurs every time though.
David!
When it comes to start making conversation, I almost don’t have any issues when avoiding small talk by asking about the person’s relationship to the subject. Although it is difficult sometimes for me to ask the “right” questions when I don’t know if we have anything in common or which interesting questions I should ask to let the conversation continue.
I want to be able to start and keep the conversation going. Also how to respond to random comments.
Give a random answer. Duh. Hehe JK. Respond however you feel. If you feel silent. Be silent. If you wish to do something, do it. You are free to do as you wish, whenever you like.
Hello David! Thank you for your very wise lessons so far! I would like to be better at contacting girls I do not know, at a bar or via the internet. How to start a smooth conversation?
Girls are a Pandora’s box to me. I’ll crack the case eventually. If I do it on my own I’ll take everything for myself. I’ve earned it.
Hi, this helped me a lot. Something I would like to get better at is when it comes to conversation ,how I can stop over-thinking stuff and how to stop being too shy to go up to people. Everyday, there is always someone I really want to talk to but I don’t have the guts to because something is holding me back. I guess I’m just terrified of the outcome and how they will view me after. When I talk to people I usually stutter either from not knowing what to say or just being really scared at that moment.
Hi!
That was a good question. I have never thought about what I would like to improve specifically when it comes to having a conversation. I do have some problems with conversations dying out because I do not know what to say. I have watched your video about that problem and I think you have helped med a lot! Thanks for that! I would like to be able to make the person I’m talking to feel comfortable. I want him or her to feel good around me and that he or she can trust me. Basically, I want to avoid awkardness.
David, what do you think about filtering out stuff to say in your mind that you think may sound stupid or inappropriate. Is that a good or bad thing to do?
Hi David,
Thank you for your information and your video. These sound like great tips. I hope to give them a try – and become successful in even making a friend or two, or at least have people enjoy talking with me.
Debbie
I want to improve avoiding overthinking too much in the conversation, which often leads to a more nervous and more tense me. When the muscles are tense, Your voice and how you respond automatically gets worse and people “smell” it and just vanish…..I also want to have better reponses. Sometimes I feel, the people I speak to just turns quiet because I might try to sound too “smart” or it’s too obvious. It awkwards people out:(