How to deal with hate comments and criticism

A week ago I tried setting up an ad on Reddit to promote our free training.

As you know by now, I love hearing what people think about SocialSelf. Maybe that’s why SocialSelf is so successful today. Naturally, I wanted to allow comments on my ad to hear people’s thoughts.

Checking in after a few hours, I was quite surprised to see the comments.

hate commentsYou can see all comments here: https://www.reddit.com/comments/7vqyks/heres_a_free_video_training_called_conversation/

It’s fascinating with hate comments like these. Because even if they are from people who don’t know me and clearly hate ads, they still make me sad and uncomfortable.

Others soon started defending me and the comment field turned into a battlefield. Interestingly enough – the more heated the comments became, the more people signed up with us. So ironically, these hateful people helped us spread our message.

Sometimes when we continue doing something we think is right even when people mock us or hate on us, we get rewarded for it. Why? Because, generally, people avoid criticism. No normal person wants to be in a position where they get negative remarks. But if we can fight through those negative feelings, we can reap the rewards when we come out the other end.

Sometimes criticism is legitimate. This kind of criticism is the most painful one because we know that there’s truth to it. But it’s also a gift because being open to constructive criticism is one of the most powerful ways to improve.

Then there’s unfounded criticism. That’s the kind of criticism we know isn’t true. Like people telling you that you should kill yourself… If we can continue doing what we know is right despite that criticism, we can stand out from most others.

When was the last time you got criticized? How did you react and what did you learn from it? I’m interested to hear about your experiences with criticism and hate in the comments!

David Morin is the founder of SocialSelf. He's been writing about social skills since 2012. Follow on Twitter or read more.

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  1. Well, what can one say…someone just missed an golden opportunity to criticize and be taken seriosly..

    About critique and getting critiqued. I would call it an artform:) I always found it very hard both GIVING critique as well as having it…

    To give critique eye to eye that is..no problems behind someones back but that is quite a different thing I would say. How do you say it? Will this person get angry? Sad? Get back to you? How willing is this person REALLY to listen to critique unless it is positive? A lot of things will be considered before you give it, -right?

    Being the criticized ain´t easy either. I tend to take it personal and feeling bad about myself. Which won´t make it easy for anyone to give it to me. They will surely sense that I might get sad and maybe avoid it.
    But, it´s all about HOW you say it and WHY!
    A mindset that helped me both giving and being the part having critique is that critique should be given and listened to, as a gift. A present to you with the intention of GOOD. If you can´t deliver it without a good intention, it´s probably best unsaid. You can ask the other persons permission to give them feedback.
    Critique is a wonderful GIFT if it´s given to you in a good way. A great way to grow. When I learned to se it this way, it got easier. You don´t have to agree to it, but at least you were given the opportunety to se it through someone elses eyes.

    Here´s a good one: The truth will set you free, -but first it will piss you off!

  2. Thank you for the support Jean. Yes, I felt it was easier to deal with it when I noticed they hadn’t checked out our free videos. But I still felt uneasy about receiving so much hate, so it’s good to hear some kind words from you guys.

  3. Wow. Some of those comments make me feel creepy and gross, but then I just feel sad for the people posting them. Their lives must be pretty miserable to spew so much hate, and for no good reason. I have been able to improve my social skills substantially with the help of your free videos and I am glad that you don’t let the comments from the losers in life get you down.

  4. I’ve had a lot of people criticize me over the years. But no worries, someone will eventually find their bodies. 🙂


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