The science behind the experiment
In our course “Fast Friend Protocol“, you’ll learn how to talk to people and connect with them—even if you don’t know what to say or get stuck in endless small talk.
How will you use what you learned in this video clip? Share in the comments below! If someone writes something you agree with, let them know you have their support!
I can’t wait to get started this really seems like its going to help alot
It was really very helpful especially the state where you told to focus and be curious.. it really takes the brain in auto mode to be at ease and carry on the conversation
Yeah its hard for me to keep conversation live for an extended period and somehow i feel an urge not to speak anymore also happens when we just gather around with my peers and they start throwing jokes here n there my mind just goes blank n i feel like i will say something boring that will drain their energy. Over the past years i have realised that i do not have friends like people we share reciprocal love/relationship. Sometimes i feel socially dull because some people can make conversations and jokes out of anything and enjoy the moment while i will be just stuck in my head. I hv also realised that am not even close to my brothers & cousins. I dont hv hobbies. Am at University now and its just a boring life while others are going out and enjoying
I am not really a joke teller either but maybe you could come up with one joke. I know I used to practice talking with people and where the conversation might go and would come up with something to say and when I did it was recieved well..
That is extremely helpful
Thanks
OFC I love the ok part and focus but the last part I think it would be better to say I have permission to be curious and therefore ask questions(OFP) than trying to make us curious and feel some consciousness about how I am curious
Explained very simple and very helpful, thanks
This was really educational,and truly,it has changed my mindset about being nervous.’Cause i would always beat my self up for being so nervous and anxious.This has helped me to realise that,its okay to be nervous.
i prefer being alone but social skill are important so … i never though it will be problem for me when adult .Thank i will follow that way to try to avoid being awkward with someone
Thanks for this strategy and i will make sure to follow these steps.
Thank you so so so so much i am really learning from you and i want to really make friends so i will try these steps i will never forget this day.
Love it… I’ve spent years getting more and more down over more and more anxiety, learning a lot about it, tuning in with all sorts of amazing lessons – but STILL forget this change of focus, so that we get through our nerves, not just SEE them and get stuck in them.. after all nerves are just energy, and once we acknowledge it, it can move through our system.
remembering that we all have nerves when we are pushing our growth edge means we have to get used to our nerves (energy) as we expand our realms of comfort. slowly it becomes ok 🙂
THANK YOU – you make a lot of sense 🙂
I have always been a quite person since I was a kid, rarely had a conversation with anyone except with my school friends. I don’t even speak with my cousins very much. whenever me and my family visits them, I just sat there quietly and had not spoken anything. I always felt that people were not interested in talking to me, I find that whenever I’m having a conversation with someone they don’t listen. From this I started to lose my confidence in meeting or talking to new people. Now I’m in college with no friends and its been a very hard time for me. It always sucks when there is a group assignment where I need too choose my own group. Most of the people get in groups with their friends while I just sat there hoping someone will ask me to join their groups or I will ask them myself. That makes me think on how lonely I am.
Bro i feel you, and it has happened to me the whole past two years. I feel like i have nothing to talk with people. Like i blank out all the time. Have u improved since realising it?
Very helpful, seems some people have learned these skills and been able to hone them. But for others it’s not easy or has completely passed them by.Im an intelligent person wonder why I find it diffucult
I’m terribly lonely. I’ve been depressed all my life. At a younger age, I tried talking to someone but then I heard the person say to someone else that I was boring. It broke my self confidence. Since then, it’s been extremely difficult for me. I feel like no one cares about talking to me. I’ve tried to make friends and I’ve failed lots of times. I should probably get an award for that.
I’m uncomfortable in groups. I’m so self conscious and I’m afraid to go out and meet people. Such a sad life. I’m just at home or at work
I feel for you. It is OK to be a little boring – just own it – be comfortable with it – don’t worry about things people say behind your back – people respond to people who show an interest in them and I’m sure you do interesting things at work and at home – you don’t have to have a PhD or be a World adventurer to be interesting. I really wish I had been able to find more help with self esteem when I was younger as I might have had a happier life and a lot less emotional pain. I am finding David’s information and tutorials very interesting and they help me to see how I tend to focus too much on my own loneliness and feelings of worthlessness rather than focussing on other people. I think when I do find a good listener and a potentially close friend I have a tendency to want to talk too long about my own issues and I’m sure this must be off putting – it’s OK to some extent but I have to learn not to let it dominate the conversation – the other person has needs too so I have to get better at self monitoring. I also have a tendency to be negative when friends suggest things to me, wanting to be helpful. “That wouldn’t work for me because…..” instead of “that could be a really good idea, thanks, I will think about it(or do it”) as the case may be.
I am going to seriously study David’s suggestions and try to put them into practice. I really think social skills needs to be part of the school curriculum and maybe it is in some schools now.
I don’t know where you live – I am in Australia. It is fairly easy to talk to strangers here without putting oneself at risk though I still exercise common sense about who is appropriate, place and time of day, but even just a few light hearted exchanges can lift my spirits and make me feel more positive e.g. with shop assistants, medical staff, neighbours, people on public transport (pre-covid social distancing!) people going for neighbourhood walks (always admire their dogs – ask about the breed – is it a rescue dog – with their permission give it a gentle stroke,) Try to feel happy just noticing things in your environment and enjoying the open air this will make you look happier (don’t force it) and people will be more inclined to smile or speak to you. It may not lead to friendships but it may give you the social confidence to join some group where you may make friends.
I hope your videos will me as time goes. I am a nervous person especially when I’m in a group of people it becomes more difficult to talk and I don’t like that but I can’t help it
Sucks to suck
I totally agree with you, Kamel
I totally agree with you, Kamel
thanks for your video, I hope my anxiety attack disappears when it comes to social, because I seem to think that I will suffer a lot when I’m at that point
Already learning great tips with just the first videos and they actually work thanks 100 for this glad there’s someone actually helping others with information like this because we are all meant to be social people
I feel the pain when that behavior hits me again at any time because I don’t have any social pain but it seems like he will suddenly appear in my mind at any time and then I don’t seem to like myself and I want to disappear 🙁
This is helping me become more confident when talking to someone I want to make friends with. Thank you for this!
Knowing that this group of people feels the same way I do makes me feel somewhat a little bit better and not so alone or that there is something wrong with me. I can’t tell you the weight of sadness I have each and every day. Although I have adult children not living at home that I talk with and a husband I feel very lonely at times. I feel very uncomfortable in my skin and afraid people would not like me or find me boring. I’m not a bad person I’m really a good person and a friendly person but I just Don’t have any friends.
Don’t worry just keep your head up and stay positive
I hear you Grace. I also have very few close friends. I think it’s because I focused all of my time on my children and doing only family things. Now that my children are grown and my last is about to head off to college, I realize I don’t have a best friend or even really close friends. Maybe this is your experience too.
Brenda,
You hit the nail on the head. That’s mostly it. I focused my attention on my family and consumed myself with work, kids or fixing up a home. I never felt so alone. Also the last 13 years I have build up a pet business in my home and really mist of the time not able to leave because we don’t want to leave a clients dogs alone fir any long periods of time.
I felt everything you wrote.
I always get nervous and anxious in a large group of people and whenever i am talking to someone for the first time..l always think i may mess up and stuff, perhaps am just scared of making mistakes..
I feel like my experience is a little bit of everything most times I am really outgoing and social but then I feel like I either talk to much or that people talk to because I am just there at the moment. I never noticed how I felt until now because when I was younger(0-7) I didn’t have a problem helping and keeping friends it was until I first moved that I noticed that lonely, hit the rock bottomy feeling (7-8) around seven to eight I was living with my mother in our new area for about 2 years so I had a select group of friends but I never hung outside of school with the most of them. I just realized that I’m using a lot of run on sentences so I’m just gonna stop right here and yeah…
I don’t want to live anymore, so I’ve hit an all time low. I have no friends because of crippling social anxiety. When I do talk to people at first they like me(I am a good conversationalist)but when people get to know me deep, most decide I suck. I’m not sure if I can pull myself out of this pit of despair but I appreciate your attempt to help me. Thanks
Hey April.
I hope you see this. I feel exactly the same at times! Its so gut wrenchingly awful and it goes up and down for me. Its so hard to see clearly in the maze when you are stuck in it but blowing yourself up is not a good way to find the exit.
And even when you feel so alone you are still not really alone – I’m somewhere else going through the same.
We will get there.
I want a good female friends
Hi Natalie,
I’ve been battling depression and anxiety practically my whole life. Sometimes medicated sometimes not. It seems all we all need is a few friends. Theyr’e hard to find and harder to keep.
David Morin seems to have it figured out. I think we can trust what he says from what I read so
far. Good luck to you, I feel that suicidal feeling too. But then I start thinking how it will make other people feel and that stops me. So hang in there Natalie, okay ?
Roger
April, you do not suck. You are an amazing and beautiful person. You must find a way to accept and love yourself so that you can feel the love from others as well.
In a group situation I can’t bring myself to talk.The longer the convo goes on and the longer I sit there silent the harder it is to talk,til I eventually have to remove myself from the situation because by this time my anxiety has gone through the roof.
I don’t have friends.. even one or two. It makes me sad and lonely, sometimes I would ask questions to myself “am I the only one without a friend to count on and talk about my problems & to laugh with, to joke around the streets or something..” like all friends normally do. My siblings are my friends but I really want to have friends.
I really feel the same way. I do have friends, but they’re not close. Also, you have the same name as my older sister, and I thought that was cool.
I always lack words when i am trying to start a conversation with any person, especially girls, and sometimes i just find myself staring at them and them staring back and its just awkward.
There was a time when some awkwardness was a normal feature of courtship and considered rather charming. You don’t have to be James Bond around women – Not all women are attracted to the same kind of men. Even if there isn’t chemistry, most women appreciate male friends who treat them respectfully and kindly and are supportive and helpful. Don’t force romantic or sexual attentions on a woman who is not showing signs of being attracted to you but it is OK to talk to her about general things. Her feelings may change or she may have girlfriends, sisters, cousins – the more people you come into contact with the better chance you have of finding someone who is attracted to you.
I think my problem lately is, when I am interested in someone. I overthink what I am doing and it makes me nervous and I say silly or weird things that might throw someone off to my real warm and friendly personality. By watching the video I can tell myself it is ok to be nervous calm myself down and focus on an interest me and the person share. Then come up with questions to know more about them. Good advice, I am glad I watched the video it helps.
I think I’m little different then the other people, I mean I don’t like to hangout with people and sit with them. I just not feel comfortable around people I just want to be alone and not talking with anyone.
I’m this kind of nervous type especially when I’m talking to a female friend… I kind of stammer then I’ll look awkward in front of my friends but I really like this video thanks alot
I am always afraid I will talk to much and people will think I am weird if I talk about something in my life.
The problem is it’s hard to talk in a big group of people, I ended up being silent.