Did you know that just by writing a goal down, you become 42% more likely to reach that goal?
Challenge: Write down one small step you could take in your next social interaction. It should be something that feels exciting, not terrifying.
Check the comments below for inspiration. If someone writes something you like, let them know in the comments that they have your support.
For my entire life, I was awfully too shy and introverted. But that said, I still didn’t have any issues finding friends or holding a genuine/fluent conversations. Later down the line though, four years ago, I had moved to Sweden with my parents. It could be emphasized that my social anxiety kicked in right after I got off the airplane. I had no friends who lived there, nor was I ever introduced to Swedish language or culture beforehand. It ended up rendering me incapable of approaching people and in the end, it lead to me being completely unable to create bonds with people, and after that, I was simply no longer able to socialize with others, even when they spoke the same language as me. I became more cautious of how I speak or what I say, but instead of it being my drive to improve, I simply became worse and worse. Soon, even after I got confident in understanding the Swedish language, I still continued to feel like it was nowhere good enough to where I could be able to comfortably converse with other Swedish speaking individuals.
I know that this is the place where I am supposed to list the goals that I wish to improve upon starting today, but I can’t come up with anything genuine that I feel comfortable enough of doing. At the very least my first psychiatrist visit is scheduled for today so I guess that is something to look forward to.
Cheer’s –
I don’t like to make conversation with people because I don’t want to be asked personal questions such as “what do you do!” Because I don’t do anything, I don’t have an answer it is so humiliating and how most conversations go. I realise I have to have a better answer than this like to say I’m unwell (with anxiety and depression) but frankly I don’t want to tell people this either! So it is almost impossible to speak to anyone even family. I suppose I know what I have to do get interested in something so atleast I have something to say about myself. Easier said than done when I have such apathy in life and no skills socially or otherwise. Sorry I’m not being more positive and thinking of a goal, that could be it then to find an interest and pursue it and not give up!
I will speak up more and share my opinions on matters rather than just listening without giving input. Specifically, be the first the speak up and to share!
I would like to talk less about myself (which I do because I’m nervous) and be able to ask more questions to the other person in a conversation, thus building my confidence and my circle of friends.I always think that I’m saying stupid stuff so I only talk about myself, which pushes people away. I want to overcome this.
I want to have more friends and closer friends and get people to want to initiate text conversations with me and to invite to do things with them just for hanging out
Hey! Same here! We can do it 🙂
Sorry, but this method works only for committed people. Those who had energy, patience and faith in what they are practicing.
Consider this: you have no energy, everything feels like of no sense, you need to put ENORMOUS effort in order to achieve the smallest goal, which eventually confuses you and makes it even worse.
Imagine that you’ve already been visiting therapists for years, taking medications, but the result was, again, rather negative…
For instance (according to the task), I may wrote “I’ll go to the office and say hello to secretaries”. You have no idea how hard it is. I tried this earlier – negative effect only! Feels of weirdness, no sense and no ideas what to do next, what to make up. From the job perspective – it’s better not to act since you can continue working as usual, while such perturbations might derail you for hours!
So, how the hell you expect me to endure such long-term demanding day-by-day algorithm, which no energy, little belief, lack of imagination and patience?
I want to remember to look people in the eyes when we’re talking to each other. I was raised to believe this is rude, especially when women do it–but my childhood was many decades ago, and it’s time to get rid of this self-defeating habit.
My goal has to do with internal thinking, I will try not to overthink my comments and relationships with others. I will be more positive and forgiving with myself.
My goal tomorrow is to not retreat into my shell.
? ?
When i’m around long term friends from years ago I feel very awkward, and it stops me from having such a normal conversation with them. When i’m around people I can’t seem to focus on the one person Im having the conversation with because I feel like the back ground people are causing a distraction with my listening & it’s feel very uncomfortable ? . Meanwhile I’m having a conversation & it feel socially awkward & I get a feeling of uncomfortably by everyone else & this happens all the time because i feel like rest knows i feel this way.
I have similar feelings.I think what I have to say is irrelevant so usually I keep quiet.
I feel I must not be a very interesting person to listen to. I occasionally get invited out with the girls. I listen to their stories. Almost every time I start talking I get interrupted! I still go, trying to keep quiet smile listen and just be happy that I get asked to go sometimes.
I’m the same, people just don’t hear me or see me. But I will move on to another person because if they are not prepared to respect me and what I have to say I don’t need them in my life. Please do not make yourself small because of these girls. You are interesting to the right people. Its lonely out there without friends I know, but its even lonelier when you are not being who you really are, authentic. I have let some so called friends go because they have used me to dump all their negativity or grumbles on but when I needed an ear to listen it was dismissed. That is not a friend, that is someone who will drain you of your energy. I am learning from David and his advice and I do apply the rule of 50/50, I make sure I have something to say about myself and I stop thinking I can’t do this. I listen to their story and then I give them part of my story, but keep it light at the start. I am not fighting off new friends but I do feel lighter and better about myself. Good luck with what you do Lin.
Practice conversation pauses (I talk too much and fill the gaps when nervous). I also want to smile more to indicate to people that I’m pleased to see them.
Speak at the planning meeting tomorrow
I want to be able to give an opinion when there is a class discussion and I want to be able to talk to all my classmates so that I can feel comfortable around them.
I’ll try to smile and talk to the person sitting next to me at my class today. Usually, I’d just try to remain as invisible as possible.
I will comment or ask a question on something topical the next time I meet someone in my office kitchen. (Usually I am silent or at best smile and nod).
Today, I will callto discuss with my male friend whom I’m not comfortable interacting with because I am of the opinion that my spoken English ( tenses) is full of errors. And secondly I will like to behave with maturity in the presence of a female friend who said she so much like me but never miss any opportunity to hurt me.
I will try to send voice messages, instead of typing long texts!
Hope that goes well!
I honestly feel like I’ve exhausted my efforts at trying to seek new friendships. I’ve tried as much as I can so what I’m actually going to do is just stop for a while. And that’s my challenge. I’m tired. I can’t be so awful that not one person is willing to be my friend. I’m going to try to just be happy with who I am for a while- flaws and all. Surely there is some person out there who thinks I’m likable. I’m exhausted looking for them so now someone else has to do the work. These emails have been immensely helpful but I feel isolated, alone and socially inept. I’m going to cut myself some slack and just live for a bit. I’m not perfect but I can’t be that awful. I hope not anyway.
You sound like a lovely person. And I think it sounds like a great idea to give yourself some slack for a while until you feel more energized and ready to put yourself out there again.
Nobody needs to be perfect to make friends and connections. We’re all flawed in our own ways and that’s what makes us human. But often, it takes time and energy to meet the right people that can accept and love us – flaws and all.
I truly agree with you. I am tired of not being perfect for that person out there, being judged all the time. It was never this difficult, what happened??
Hi my name is Monica and I fully agree with you. If we can’t find one person who thinks we are worth being friends with, then screw them! Taking time away from looking is smart, but don’t get to bored or become a recluse like I have. I have been friendless for a long time now, after a while it’s hard to figure out how to spend your day. I’m not saying I don’t get out because I do, but how much fun would it be to have a friend with you? Feel free to email me, I’d like to talk to you. [email protected]
I am going to interact with people more and make more eye contact and not feel pushy or over the top but confident and excited and that I’m being nice
Ok,this is what I am going to do tommorow,because today is almost over.This might sound weird or silly but this is very uncomfortable.I am going to get the basketball and run up to the rim and try a lay-up with the ball.Why this,because this is one thing that might actually be exciting.And
it is something I can actually challenge myself to do in reality than something socially impossible to me.
It is uncomfotable and exciting at the same time.It is also a social setting,with people looking at me when I do this,it is uncomfortable enough.
I’m going to invite someone I want to be friends with to a festival I’m attending with a childhood friend
I already have a pretty solid plan for how to gradually expose myself to various social environments. I just need to get better at following up and evaluate my progress daily along the way as well as doing the steps in the right order and not try to jump ahead. I’m so thankful there are people like you who have already made the journey I’d like to make, and that you’re sharing it with the world.
I would also like to not dwell as much on things I “screwed up”, often thinking about it days after even though it’s doing no good.
My goal for today is to talk about myself more
Today my goal is to talk to someone my age at a party whom I kind of know and try to talk a little more than to listen.
The Goal that I hope to possibly accomplish today is, to not be too silent at a graduation party and try to be a little social.
I am going to try to talk more and ask guestions. I also wan’t to be more curious about the person I am talking to.
I want to be more curious. I want to ask questions. I want to not be afraid to ask for questions.
Instead of always listening, I am going to talk more!
Good article. I think bars and alcohol are a bad place to start out as well.
When a topic or conversation dies out I’m going to try to talk a bit more by coming up with one more topic to talk about.