As I teach social skills for a living, I’ve read many books on the subject.
Others, I’ve discussed with a friend who’s a behavioral scientist and avid reader.
Some, I’ve read summaries of and looked at if there’s an overwhelming opinion on the Internet to support my impression.
This is my book guide specifically for social skills. I have separate book guides for conversational skills, self-esteem, body language, confidence, making friends, and shyness/social anxiety.
Sections
1. Best general books on social skills
2. Best books on connecting with people and rapport building
3. Best books on empathy, understanding others, and emotions
4. Best books for introverts or sensitive persons
5. Best books on social etiquette
6. Best social skills books for business
7. Honorary mentions
My top picks on social skills
There are 35 books in this guide. To help you choose, here are my 21 top picks for different areas.
General social skills
– Top pick best starter-book
– Top pick charisma
– Top pick most comprehensive
– Top pick most exhaustive
Making conversation
– Top pick making conversation
– Top pick small talk
Going from good to great
– Top pick improving already good social skills
Aspergers
Empathy / Relationships
– Top pick connecting better
– Top pick understanding how people work
– Top pick empathy (understanding others emotions)
– Top pick emotional intelligence (Handling your own emotions)
– Top pick improving relationships
Introversion / Nervousness
– Top pick if you get nervous talking to new people
– Top pick for introverts
– Top pick for sensitive persons
Etiquette
Business
– Top pick improving your social skills at work
– Top pick on networking
– Top pick for introverts in business
– Top pick for dealing with toxic people
Here’s our full list of the best books to improve social skills:
Best general books on social skills
Top pick starter-book
1. How to Win Friends and Influence People
Author: Dale Carnegie
I read this book the first time 15 years ago and I have re-read it many times since. It remains the best book on social skills.
However, it does NOT take a complete view on improving your social life. It does NOT cover what to do if socializing makes you nervous.
Do buy this book if…
You want to become more compelling.
Do NOT buy this book if…
1. Nervosity holds you back in social settings. This book won’t help with that. Instead, read How to Communicate with Confidence.
2. You have more severe social anxiety: See my book guide on social anxiety.
3. You want something that talks about social life as a whole, not just interaction with people. If so, read The Social Skills Guidebook.
4.7 stars on Amazon.
Top pick on how to be charismatic
2. The Charisma Myth
Author: Olivia Fox Cabane
A great complement to Win Friends. The difference is that this one focuses on how to be charismatic while Win Friends talks about how to be likable in general.
For example, this book talks about how you can be more charismatic by practicing being attentive and at the same time warm and confident (And gives you a strategy for how to do that).
Do buy this book if…
You want to be more charismatic
Do NOT buy this book if…
1. You want to learn general social skills. If so, start with How to Win Friends or The Social Skills Guidebook.
2. You want to learn the basics first. If you want to learn from the ground up, get Improve your Social Skills.
4.5 stars on Amazon.
Top pick for most comprehensive
3. The Social Skills Guidebook
Author: Chris MacLeod, MSW
This is the best overall social skills book I’ve read after How to Win Friends. Win Friends has packaged its advice in a set of easier to remember rules. But this book is more overarching.
Win friends is a mass-market book anyone can enjoy. The Social Skills Guidebook is the perfect book for the niche “People who want to be better at socializing but feel nervous and don’t know what to say around new people”.
It’s thorough and goes through: 1) How to socialize if you don’t feel confident about it. 2) How to make conversation. 3) How to make friends and have a better social life in general.
Do buy this book if…
You struggle in social settings and socializing makes you nervous
Do NOT buy this book if…
1. You have severe social anxiety. Check out my social anxiety picks for that.
2. Nervosity isn’t holding you back and just want to be more captivating. Then, get the Charisma Myth.
4.4 stars on Amazon.
Top pick for making conversation
4. Conversationally Speaking
Author: Alan Garner
This is hands down the best book on how to make conversation. If How to win friends is the cult classic for social skills in general, this is the cult classic for making conversation in particular.
NOTE: Read my full review in my guide Best books on making conversation.
4.4 stars on Amazon.
Top pick for small talk
5. The Fine Art of Small Talk
Author: Debra Fine
If you want to focus specifically on the initial interaction when you meet new people, this is the book I’d recommend.
(I used to hate small talk. That was until I realized that you need to be good at it for new people to be comfortable around you. Even if small talk in itself is shallow, it’s the path you have to take to more meaningful connections.)
NOTE: Read my full review in my guide Best books on making conversation.
4.4 stars on Amazon.
Top pick if you get nervous talking to new people
6. How to Communicate with Confidence
Author: Mike Bechtle
Opposed to the other books, this is written from the perspective of feeling uncomfortable around new people and being naturally introverted.
It gives advice on how to be social even when you feel uncomfortable.
NOTE: Read my guide Best books on social anxiety and shyness.
Do buy this book if…
You want to improve your social skills but are being held back moderate levels of nervosity or introversion.
Do NOT buy this book if…
1. You don’t have social anxiety problems. Then there are better books, like Win Friends for general advice or Improve your Social Skills for more rudimentary advice.
2. If you have more severe social anxiety you need to deal with first. See my separate book guide for social anxiety and shyness.
Top pick for improving already good social skills
7. How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People
Author: Leslie T. Giblin
This is a great book. But it’s one of those that help you go from “good to great”. If you’re already well off socially, this book will help you to fine-tune your social skills.
It covers how to be more persuasive and better at influencing people and be likable in the process. It does NOT cover how to deal with nervosity in social settings, feeling at loss for words, and other things you might want to work on first.
Do get this book if…
You’re already well off and know all the basics of social interaction.
Do NOT get this book if…
You want something to help you get your social skills off the ground. Then I’d recommend The Social Skills Guidebook.
4.6 stars on Amazon.
Top pick if you want something that covers the basics or you have Aspergers
8. Improve Your Social Skills
Author: Daniel Wendler
This book covers all aspects of socializing. Overcoming nervosity (Even though How to Communicate with Confidence goes more into detail on that), conversation flows, group conversations, empathy, and meeting people, and dating.
Daniel has Aspergers which gives him a perspective other authors on this list don’t have. This book has become somewhat of a cult book for people with Aspergers.
Now, I want to be clear: I don’t have Aspergers and I also learned a lot from it. So if you want a book from the ground up, this is my recommendation, even if you don’t have Aspergers.
Do buy this book if…
1. You want to have something that covers the cornerstones of social skills.
2. You have Aspergers (Or are on the autism spectrum), or simply want to make sure to build your knowledge from the ground up.
Do NOT buy this book if…
If you are looking for a more advanced take on conversations or have already read up on the basics. (Then, I would recommend The Charisma Myth or The Social Skills Guidebook.)
4.3 stars on Amazon.
Best books on connecting with people and rapport building
After studying social skills for years I can say one thing: I wish I’d known sooner how important it is to build rapport. Rapport is what creates a close connection from the start. Bad rapport, and it’s impossible to connect.
Here’s my definition of rapport: Being able to pick up on how others “are” and bring forth a part of yourself that they can relate to.
Therefore, I decided to create a specific section for books I think are good for building rapport and connecting.
Top pick for connecting with people
9. How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less
Author: Boothman Nicholas
GREAT book on how to connect with people by building rapport with them. It’s marketed as a book for salespeople etc but the tactics are PERFECT for everyday interactions.
Do buy this book if…
You want to be better at connecting with people from the get-go.
Do NOT buy this book if…
Your main problem is not knowing what to say or being nervous. If so, read The Social Skills Guidebook instead.
4.4 stars on Amazon.
Top pick for understanding how people work
10. The Like Switch
Authors: Jack Schafer, Marvin Karlins
This is also a great book on rapport. But opposed to “How to make people like you in 90 seconds or less” above, this one is more about how to influence people around you rather than only creating a good first impression.
Now, I’m wary about books on manipulating people, which this is marketed as. But the actual benefit of the book is that it gives you a deep understanding of how people function. That’s fundamental for being good socially.
Do buy this book if…
You want a deep understanding of how to build rapport
Do NOT buy this book if…
You want to be better at connecting with people from the get-go rather than understanding long-term relationships. Instead, get How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less.
4.5 stars on Amazon.
Best books on empathy, understanding others, and emotions
When I first started learning social skills, all I wanted was to figure out what questions to ask and what topics to talk about.
It wasn’t until I made friends with socially savvy people that I learned one of the most important factors of social skills: Empathy.
In other words, truly understand how others feel and why they feel that way.
That’s something I’d totally missed. Reading up on empathy made wonders for my social skills.
So I’d recommend you to read a book on this topic. It will work as the foundation you build all the rest on.
Top pick for empathy
11. Mindsight
Author: Daniel J. Siegel
This is the best book on empathy that I know of.
It’ll help you be better at understanding why you feel the way you feel and how to deal with those feelings. (Most often we don’t even know why we feel a certain way or aren’t even aware that we feel a certain way. And so, we make decisions based on feelings we don’t even know we have). As importantly, it helps you pick up on and understand other people’s emotions in a similar way.
If I have to say something negative, it would be that it can get technical and advanced at times.
However, this book isn’t just about science but also contains personal stories.
Note that this book won’t make a huge difference in your life when it comes to meeting new people. (Even though empathy is important in all stages of friendships).
But to be good at small talk and initial contact, there are other books that are better. See my recommendations under Do not buy if…
Do buy this book if…
1. You are interested in becoming more empathetic.
2. You don’t mind something that’s a bit more advanced.
3. You want to improve your existing friendships.
Do NOT buy this book if…
You want less theory and more how-to. If so, get PeopleSmart.
4.6 stars on Amazon.
Top pick for emotional intelligence (Handling your own emotions)
12. Emotional Intelligence 2.0
Authors: Travis Bradberry, Jean Greaves
This book teaches you how to regulate your own emotions, and how to be better at picking up on others’ emotions.
This is, in my opinion, the best book on emotional intelligence. It divides it into 4 concepts.
1) How to be self-aware of your emotions, 2) How to manage them, 3) How to be more aware of what’s going on in social situations and 4) How to deal with emotions when it comes to your relationship with other people.
Together with this is a step-by-step guide and a test you can make to see where you are now and what you need to work on.
Do buy this book if…
You want an actionable book on how to improve your emotional intelligence.
Do NOT buy this book if…
If your main challenge in social settings is things like knowing what to say and avoiding awkward silence. If so, you should first read the books by the beginning of this guide.
4.5 stars on Amazon.
13. Emotional Intelligence
Author: Daniel Goleman
This was the first big hitter on emotional intelligence.
The only reason I didn’t place it first in this category is that its main focus is on how to deal with your own emotions. There’s also a chapter coving how to understand others’ emotions, but if you want something specific on that topic, I suggest Mindsight.
This is a cult classic. Beware that it’s written by a professor and the language is a bit more complex. No storytelling, just straight to the point.
The only reason I choose Emotional Intelligence 2.0 (Not the same author) as my top pick over this one is that 2.0 is more actionable. However, this one is a bit more in-depth into the theory. So I guess most people will enjoy 2.0, while those who want to go really in-depth should read this one, too.
Do buy this book if…
1. You want to be better at dealing with emotions in general
2. You are fine with an advanced language
Do NOT buy this book if…
1. If you want something highly actionable on how to increase your emotional intelligence. Then, get Emotional Intelligence 2.0.
2. You only want to focus on empathy (Understanding others emotions). If so, I recommend Mindsight.
4.6 stars on Amazon.
Top pick on improving relationships
14. PeopleSmart
Author: Melvin L. Silberman
This book goes through how to understand people, communicate better, being assertive, and influencing others.
I know that “influencing people” sounds manipulative but it’s more about understanding why people act the way they do, which is the core of becoming more empathetic.
The difference between this book and, for example, Emotional Intelligence 2.0 is that this one is focused only on relationships.
This is a workbook, which means that it’s to the point and even contains exercises. So there are no personal anecdotes or stories.
Do buy this book if…
You’re not interested in dealing with your own emotions but want to cut straight to the chase with empathy.
Do NOT buy this book if…
You want a bigger picture of emotional intelligence (Not just empathy). If so, get Emotional Intelligence 2.0.
4.2 stars on Amazon.
Best books for introverts or sensitive persons
Top pick for introverts
15. The Introvert Advantage
Author: Marti Olsen Laney
GREAT book that every introvert should read.
It gives a lot of strategies for how to socialize as an introvert without being drained of energy. The only critique could be that it’s a bit clinical.
Quiet, which I cover below, is more energizing in that sense. (Even though I prefer this one as I personally don’t mind clinical)
Do buy this book if…
You get drained by social interaction today.
Do NOT buy this book if…
You want something that’s more uplifting and inspiring. If so, get Quiet.
4.6 stars on Amazon.
16. Quiet
Author: Susan Cain
This is also a GREAT book on introversion. However, the Introvert Advantage is a bit more actionable. This book is more inspiring, though. It depends on what personality type you have.
Do buy this book if…
You get drained by social interaction today and want to feel inspired and energized by the read.
Do NOT buy this book if…
You want something that’s more actionable. If so, get The Introvert Advantage.
4.6 stars on Amazon.
Top pick for sensitive persons
17. The Highly Sensitive Person
Author: Elaine N. Aron
This book isn’t about social skills per se, but it DOES cover (really well) how to deal with overload in social settings.
It contains a self-assessment so you can see what areas you need to work on and how they affect you today. After you’ve identified those areas, you get several strategies specifically for how to work with them.
This book relies heavily on psychoanalysis and personally I prefer CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) as that’s better supported by science. Still, this is the best book for people with HSP. However, if you have social anxiety I give advice for alternative books below.
Do buy this book if…
You have HSP (Highly Sensitive Person, not the same as having social anxiety)
Do NOT buy this book if…
You have social anxiety. Check out my book reviews for that here.
4.6 stars on Amazon.
Best books on social etiquette
So far I’ve talked about social skills as in being better at talking with people and feeling more comfortable in social settings. But what about etiquette? That is – what’s right and wrong in social settings?
Top pick on etiquette
18. Emily Post’s Etiquette
Authors: Peggy Post, Anna Post, Lizzie Post, Daniel Post Senning
I know that this sounds like a book on how to hold your colonial teacup. But this is a book specifically written for today and it’s GREAT.
It’s not about being fancy – You could say that the type of etiquette this book teaches is about acting in a way that earns you the liking and trust of people around you.
It is about today’s challenges, like smartphones, texting, mingling, and partying, not the old dinner parties that I automatically think of when I hear the word etiquette.
Buy this book if…
1. You want to fine-tune your social skills.
2. You feel worried that you don’t know how to act in certain social settings.
Do NOT buy this book if…
1. You’re overly worried about making social mistakes. That’s a symptom of social anxiety, and books on etiquette will make you MORE self-conscious. If so, you instead want a book on how to deal with social anxiety.
2. You want something more humorous that focuses more on WHY you should do certain things, go for Miss Manners’.
4.6 stars on Amazon.
19. Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior
Author: Judith Martin
This is also a great book on etiquette. It’s quite similar to Emily Post, with the difference that this one uses more humor and has answers to actual reader questions.
Also, it talks about WHY you should or shouldn’t do something more than Emily Post does.
4.6 stars on Amazon.
Best social skills books for business
Top pick for improving your social skills at work
20. How to Say It at Work
Author: Jack Griffin
Great book for social skills at work. It goes through both making conversation and non-verbal stuff like body language.
The section about “power-words” feels a bit dated and manipulative. I think it can be used for good, but I think there’s a higher risk of misusing it and creating cringe-worthy situations.
Overall, if you want to improve your social skills at work, you should definitely get this book. (And the principles are highly applicable outside of work as well.)
4.6 stars on Amazon.
Top pick for networking
21. Croissants vs. Bagels
Author: Robbie Samuels
This is THE book on how to mingle and network.
As opposed to Talk to Strangers, this book doesn’t assume you to be extroverted or overly social. It teaches mindsets for how to be better at getting to know new people, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable.
It’s marketed specifically for business mingles, but you can apply the mindsets to your social life in general.
The name Croissants vs Bagels refers to closed groups at mingles that are hard to join; Bagels. And groups with an “opening” that you can join; Croissants.
Basically, you want to have a Croissant mindset. (The book is very sophisticated though, even though my analogy sounds basic)
4.9 stars on Amazon.
Top business pick for introverts
22. The Introvert’s Guide to Success in Business and Leadership
Author: Lisa Petrilli
This is a super good book for introverts who are in a role where they have to lead or want to be better in business settings. It covers business networking, interviews, doing presentations, being better at communicating, etc.
It’s easy to read. I don’t really have anything negative to say about it.
Do get this book if…
You’re an introvert who wants to use that to your advantage at work
Do NOT get this book if…
Your introversion is a symptom of social anxiety. If so, check out my social anxiety recommendations.
3.8 stars on Amazon.
23. Get Off The Bench
Author: Sidney E. Fuchs
This is a great compliment to Bagel vs Croissant. The difference between the two books is that Bagel is more focused on mingling – this one teaches the idea of having networking as a mindset. But there’s a lot of overlap.
Lots of interesting stories so it’s a fun read.
Do get this book if…
You want to have a more outgoing mindset in life in general and in business in particular.
Do NOT get this book if…
You want to be better at mingling in particular. If so, read Croissants vs Bagels first.
4.7 stars on Amazon.
24. The SPEED of Trust
Author: Stephen M.R. Covey
This book focuses on how to convey trust when you talk to people. It’s written for business settings but obviously, trust comes handy in all aspects of life.
My personal objection is that this wires you to think in terms of manipulation. Another way to trust is to practice general social skills to be more authentic like taught in The Social Skills Guidebook.
Nevertheless, it was a super interesting read and if you’re in a business position where you want to convey trust, read it!
4.6 stars on Amazon.
Top pick for dealing with toxic people
25. Dealing with People You Can’t Stand
Authors: Dr. Rick Brinkman, Dr. Rick Kirschner
GREAT book on dealing with toxic people. I put it in the business category because I believe here’s where you’ll need these skills the most, but the principles are truly universal.
The book gives you tactics for how to defuse arguments, and how to talk to someone who’s a difficult person.
4.4 stars on Amazon.
Honorary mentions
These books aren’t necessarily bad. It’s just that I think there are better books to read first. If you’ve read a lot on social skills already and want more, check out these books.
Top pick for the most comprehensive cover-it-all book
26. The Conversation Code
Author: Gregory Peart
This book isn’t for everyone. It contains over 1000 different pieces of advice on how to improve your social skills.
Do NOT read this book as your first one on social skills. As usual, I recommend How to Win Friends, for that. After Win Friends, read a book on empathy. THEN, after that, read this book.
4.1 stars on Goodreads. Amazon.
If you’ve read the Charisma Code and want more
27. Personality Plus
Author: Florence Littauer
This is a book with GREAT reviews which is why I’ve included it in this guide. While people seem to love the book, I don’t. The reason is that I prefer a research-based approach to social interaction rather than someone’s personal ideas.
This book contains highly non-scientific personality tests that the author has come up with herself.
Since people rave over the book, I’m sure it can still do good. Just be aware that it’s deceptive to trust made-up personality tests.
Do buy this book if…
You take the claims with a grain of salt and read with a skeptical mind.
Do NOT buy this book if…
It’s important for you that the claims are supported by research. If so, get Mindsight.
4.7 stars on Amazon.
28. Compelling People
Authors: John Neffinger, Matthew Kohut
This is a great book on how to be more likable and charismatic. It talks about how to combine “strength” with “warmth”. You could say that it’s about showing that you are confident and that you like people at the same time.
Charisma is said to be the combination of confidence and presence, and this book is exploring that area. However, this book is not as actionable as The Charisma Code.
Do buy this book if…
You’re already well off socially and now want to be charismatic and compelling.
Do NOT buy this book if…
1. You haven’t yet read The Charisma Code, which is, in my opinion, an overall better book.
2. You primarily want to know what to say to new people and not be nervous. This book won’t help you with that. Instead, get The Social Skills Guidebook or How to Communicate with Confidence.
4.3 stars on Amazon.
If you lack approach anxiety
29. Talk to Strangers
Author: David Topus
This book is written by an extrovert without social anxiety who gives his advice on how to talk to people. I think it contains a lot of good advice, but the author isn’t mindful of the nervosity and discomfort most feel around new people.
Also, there’s a lot of focus on talking to people related to selling and business. If you’re not interested in that, it still contains good advice.
The core premise of the book, that it’s good to make it a habit to talk to people is GREAT. But you need to complement this book with other books if you’re like most people.
Do buy this book if…
1. You want to be better at talking to people in general life but don’t feel very nervous about doing that, just want some advice on how to be better at it.
2. You’re already quite well off socially and want to put your social savviness into next gear.
Do NOT buy this book if…
1. Talking to strangers makes you nervous today. If so, instead get How to Communicate with Confidence.
2. You haven’t first read the books higher up on this list.
4.0 stars on Amazon.
If lots of tips don’t overwhelm and you’ve already read everything else
30. How to Instantly Connect with Anyone
Author: Leil Lowndes
This book helps you out with socializing and meeting new people without being awkward, and it does it well. But the book is uneven and some advice is terrible.
Do buy this book if…
1. You’ve already read several of the books in this list and you want more
2. You can be selective in what advice you take from it
Do NOT buy this book if…
You’re looking for your first social skills book.
4.4 stars on Amazon.
If you aim to be super-super-social
31. Social Wealth
Author: Jason Treu
This book has a bit different approach than the other ones.
It’s about how to live a hyper-social life, have massive amounts of friends and socialize all days of the week. Not really my cup of tea, but I know that it’s a popular book.
Do buy this book if…
You’ve already read the classics like How to Win Friends and you’re on a hunt to read “everything” on the topic of social skills.
Do NOT buy this book if…
You’re not looking for a hyper-social life but just want to learn some fundamentals. If so, start off with How to Win Friends or The Charisma Code.
3.8 stars on GoodReads. Amazon.
32. Understanding Other People
Author: Beverly Flaxington
The title is as deceptive as this book is about dealing with conflicts. It’s not super actionable, something that, to me, is the entire point of self-help books.
I’d recommend you to instead read Mindsight.
4.0 stars on Amazon.
33. It’s Not All About “Me”
Author: Robin K. Dreeke
Okay, so this book isn’t greatly written. The stories could be better. But it has sound advice: It’s great to focus outward and be able to build rapport with people.
As long as you don’t let the non-perfect language take the focus, it does have a lot of good advice.
Verdict: It’s not a bad book, but there are better books on how to build rapport, like The Like Switch.
4.4 stars on Amazon.
34. Click
Author: George C. Fraser
The name of this book is deceptive. I first thought it was about how to form deep relationships with friends, but it’s mainly about networking. It’s not a bad book, but there are much better ones like Croissants vs Bagels.
4.3 stars on Amazon.
35. What to Say to Get What You Want
Authors: Sam Deep, Lyle Sussman
An okay book about communicating better at work. I put it in the honorary mentions because there’s a lot of good advice in it, but it could be more actionable. A better alternative is How to Say It at Work.
Great Post, and lovely reviews. Was very helpful. Thanks a lot and have a nice day!
Thanks for your great recommendation, I will soon start reading all of your book recommendations. It’s really helpful & informative.
This was a great list. I appreciate you putting it together and only have a few books left to read on it.
Wow, I’m impressed by your dedication. Which ones were your favorites and why?
Great books. These are what I exactly need.
Great list! I love this and your other article, “14 Best Books on How to Make Conversation”. I love reading, and it’s helpful to have comprehensive reviews from a trusted source. I really enjoyed the ideas in “Compelling People” (#28), but didn’t find it very actionable… I’ll definitely look into some of the related reading you suggested. Thanks!
Thanks, Katherine!
I agree. I think the Charisma Myth is a better book on the topic. I’ve added a comment regarding that now.
David