How to be more interesting (if you don’t automatically get noticed)
How do you stand out and catch people’s interest if you’re not super charismatic or have an amazing life?
That’s what you learn in our course Invisible to Interesting.
This course is for you who…
- Feel like you aren’t interesting (and don’t automatically get noticed)
- Worry that you’ll bore or bother people
- Don’t know what to say, and because of that feel like you don’t have much of a personality
- Feel uncomfortable sharing about yourself
- Feel like you lack knowledge or experience, and don’t want to look stupid or like you don’t know stuff, so you avoid engaging in conversation
- Feel like you’re bragging when you do talk about your experiences
I have an older cousin named Andrew who is very charismatic and attractive. I’m 12 and he’s 15. He loves me but doesn’t really respect me. He seems like a good person to get respected by. Can someone help me get his respect?
Hi Jacob,
The question I would ask you is, do you respect yourself? When you respect yourself first, then you do not crave respect from others. If someone does not respect you it could be because they do not respect themselves, or there is something in the dynamic you have with them that triggers something in them they do not like about themselves. I also think it is best to be kind and courteous to other people and this promotes self-respect and civility when you are interacting with people. Best wishes to you.
i dont thing i have problem whit speiking whit people or girls thats the unwriten rules that i never learned, if she says this i will say some thing like this or when i would ask foe her cellnumber or if i insted ask her out for dinner, now it’s doing my head in..
tony
I would like to get more confident at starting and holding conversations with new people, at the moment I am too shy and scared to talk as I don’t know how to have a conversation properly. I think I am boring and I find it hard to be interested in other people and usually just stay quiet and not talk
this video is awesome. i think my problem is that i don’t think i’m interesting, or i don’t like taking about myself and this is keeping me from actually talking to people because i don’t have a topic to actually start a conversation. now that i write it out it’s really depressing ??
Lol that is exactly the same problem I have. When you figure out how to fix (or change) that, can you PLEASE reply me.
Thanx!
Me three
Lorena I used to feel the same way until I went and did really interesting things so Ive loads to talk about BUT now I talk about myself and its still not working. I feel the trick might be to have an interest in others and what they think or feel.
I would like to hold a conversation longer without sticking to one boring topic and be able to deduce if who I am talking to is interested or not and i want to know what are the things interesting for the person I talks to especially if a girl
I would like to hold conversations longer and be comfortable in sharing myself with new people to get them to like me. Also I want to stop worrying about having bad conversation topics
I would like to hold conversations longer and be comfortable in sharing myself with new people to get them to like me. Also I want to stop worrying about having bad conversation topics
thank you for this great vedio! i think i always run out of topics. i wanna maintain the friendship with someone i met lately by having some small talks but just dont know what to talk about sometimes.
Hey David, I really enjoy your emails and I want to talk about some things i’m struggling with socially. So when i’m talking to someone I always run out of things to say, especially with girls. I’ve watched your video on how to get to personal mode with questions asked and that helped, but I feel like I dont know when to ask these kinds of questions. I also dont know what other “good questions” to get someone to like me as a person. I’m naturally very quiet, but I also want to make new friends and be the guy that always knows what to say. I hope you can help me out.
Thanks for everything!
Connor
From watching this I realise that I know many of these conversational tips already. The difficulty for me is having the confidence to use them: my main difficulties lie more in starting conversations or directing my speech towards people and suchlike. It’s difficult to get people to engage with you if you can’t get their attention enough so they’ll realise you want to talk to them.
With my small group of friends I can sometimes be loud and such, but often in lessons in school I can be quite quiet; although I am sometimes confident enough to speak, I find it challenging.
Hello. I need to figure out how to engage with people, in general. Last week, I was at a meeting and the participants were going to a restaurant afterwards(they always do). Theres another lady who goes to the group and Ive, peripherally, connected with her a bit. So, I thought that, if I decided to go to the restaurant that time, she could be kind of an ally, kind of my “in” with the group. However, when I went up to ask if she was going, she was talking with someone else, and because I didnt know how to break into their conversation to ask her, I just kinda ended up standing there like an idiot, changing my mind about asking, and leaving. How do you break into, or even join, other peoples conversations? Too, how do you just walk up to a stranger and just start talking?
The other thing that happened at that meeting was that someone just came up and started talking to me, conversating. I was sooo taken aback(because not many do) that my “spidey-senses” went off and I felt highly uncomfortable, like I had to get out of there(like, a real panic attack). I stayed through the entire meeting, and, afterwards, asked a facilitator if she thought he was being overly friendly and she said, “No.” What do I do with that???!!!!
For me, I’m not very good at starting conversations with my school mates which I don’t really know of and never know how to go up to people and talk, even if I do, the conversation would be very short as my mind goes blank and my tongue gets twisted and I only know how to ask general question. I am not an outgoing person probably because I’m lack in self-confidence and scared of people judgements and how they will perceived me. Even though most of my classmates called me the “quiet” one but deep down I am one of the noisiest whether ever I am at home. Sometimes I really want to fit in and setting unrealistic goals for myself like “I will get to know everyone in my class and try to be friends with them” which usually goes down the drain. It will be a huge step for me to get out of my comfort zone to met new people as I feel like I am socially awkward. But what I want to improve the most is I want to be more of myself and stop being a picture perfect person as I fear of people judgements. I also want to be more confident in myself,know how to go up to people and starting a conversation with them and also know how to end conversation without any awkwardness. The biggest problem is that I am in a new class next year and probably all of of them have their own “friend” groups and most of the time I won’t get noticed. Most of the time I have difficulties adjusting in new environment and everytime there is groupwork, I am the only one that doesn’t have a group. How should I go about dealing with that?
I really like this video. It helps me.
It was always hard for me to connect with people in that kind of way. I always find myself drowned with fear when I just try to do it. I always think that I don’t worth as much as other people, and I think that is the biggest reason why I back off when I start getting closer to others. I have friends, but I always find myself not able to make new friends with people I like. I ussualy hang out with friends that are treating me like s*it. They always make fun of me and my insecurities. They lough about how quiet I am, how I am bad at socializing and they often comment to other people questions about me like…someone asks me do I have a romantical interest, and my friend replies to them loughing and saying that there is not one girl in this world that would want to be with me. I think I attract that kind of people because I am quiet and unsecure and they see it. When I leave them, others same as them come into my life and want to hang out with me all the time. I feel like they love to have me as a friend so they can feel superior to me. I tried and tried to tell them that is bothering me and to stop with mean jokes, but they won’t listen. They say I am just insecure and sensitive. I have some friends that treat me well and I like to hang out with them. Nearly everyone who has comed into my life for the past 5 years turned up to be someone that treats me bad. I feel like I attract only people who want to use me and make fun of me, because they are the only ones that show interest in becoming friends with me,and I feel that I must become a stronger person and stop being an easy target for this kind of friends…. I’m just sick of it, only hanging out with people that don’t treat me well and making me feel bad.
I would like to work on opening up and feeling more comfortable to being myself in conversation I have a lot of walls built up in fear of people thinking I’m weird, sometimes I get so nervous and forget the words for everyday things and i go silent, I have a very social job and I find that very draining so I want to find a balance where socializing doesn’t take so much out of me and it’s more fun
I really want to try and get to know more people, but I’m just really shy and never know how to go up to the people a really want to meet. I always feel like they’re going to think im weird, since I’m usually so quiet
I really want to try and get to know more people, but I’m just really shy and never know how to go up to the people a really want to meet. I always feel like they’re going to think im weird, since I’m usually so quiet
Hi Sarah,
I like to think of myself as being authentically me…instead of weird. Anyway, if someone thinks you are weird or different it is usually because he/she is insecure themselves and they are looking to put someone else down so they feel superior. I say to myself that it is none of my business what goes on in someone else’s head. I am a good person and if someone thinks negative things about me, then that is his/her problem, not mine.
It is normal to feel shy talking to people, especially when you are not good friends. Talk about the things you like to do, talk about what you do with your time, talk about what your goals are for the year, talk about how you feel. Most people are shy and you can be the first one to break through and connect.
Best wishes to you.
I really want to improve on not being superficial, even though I hate it I still feel the pressure to try to “fit in” and please people.
But since they’ve already labeled me as a “quiet” or “boring” person, I have a hard time opening up and actually getting to know them because they’ve already lost interest in me. I just don’t know the “right” questions to ask, or the “right” things to say to actually get to know someone. I’m trying to just “be myself”, but I don’t really know who I am…
I’m going to try to stop chasing after people, because I can’t force people to like me, and it’s such a waste of time and energy!
I’m going to focus on improving my self-confidence and being the person I want to be, and hopefully friends will eventually come along naturally.
The thing is, I’m sure there are people out there who I would really get along with, I just don’t know where and how to find them! It’s so frustrating ;(
I really want to improve on not being superficial, even though I hate it I still feel the pressure to try to “fit in” and please people.
But since they’ve already labeled me as a “quiet” or “boring” person, I have a hard time opening up and actually getting to know them because they’ve already lost interest in me. I just don’t know the “right” questions to ask, or the “right” things to say to actually get to know someone. I’m trying to just “be myself”, but I don’t really know who I am…
I’m going to try to stop chasing after people, because I can’t force people to like me, and it’s such a waste of time and energy!
I’m going to focus on improving my self-confidence and being the person I want to be, and hopefully friends will eventually come along naturally.
The thing is, I’m sure there are people out there who I would really get along with, I just don’t know where and how to find them! It’s so frustrating ;(
This was a fabulous video. Thanks so much! I’d really love it if you gave more examples of how to ask about the person’s relationship to the subject. Like a list of question starters, I mean. Hope this makes sense. Thanks!
This was a fabulous video. Thanks so much! I’d really love it if you gave more examples of how to ask about the person’s relationship to the subject. Like a list of question starters, I mean. Hope this makes sense. Thanks!
Thanks for those vids, I my new class all the kids are sitting in groups and talking about their things without noticing me. what should I do? i’m like a ghost when i’m trying to get closer to one of the groups…
Thanks for those vids, I my new class all the kids are sitting in groups and talking about their things without noticing me. what should I do? i’m like a ghost when i’m trying to get closer to one of the groups…
EVERYONE feels the same way…they are just really good at hiding it….you need to make it a point to start a conversation with at least 3 people every day…for starters if you are in line at the grocery store….look for an item in the person’s cart in front of you and comment on it say something like…I’ve been wanting to try that_______is it any good? Or in school ask the person sitting next to you where they got their shirt, shoes, backpack….just pic something…and comment on it….a nice compliment will ALWAYS work….making friends is one of the easiest things…you just need to focus on them..everyone loves a sincere compliment:-) Everyone wants to be around positive, happy people. Try to remember that there is not one person out there that is not worried about what others are thinking of them…even the most popular kids crave the attention.
I would like to improve on initiating a conversation with someone to start and then to become less nervous so I can actually open up and connect to that person.
I would like to improve on initiating a conversation with someone to start and then to become less nervous so I can actually open up and connect to that person.
Hi, so glad i stumbled across this. I have a type of social anxiety and feel limited and a little self conscious about striking conversations due to the fear of awkward silence and just not being able to keep up conversations. I look forward to learning and trying these techniques!! Just want to say thank you and hope this will help me open up and be comfortable in certain situations!
Hi, so glad i stumbled across this. I have a type of social anxiety and feel limited and a little self conscious about striking conversations due to the fear of awkward silence and just not being able to keep up conversations. I look forward to learning and trying these techniques!! Just want to say thank you and hope this will help me open up and be comfortable in certain situations!
Hi,
I have been dating a lot lately but I only seem to have one date. I think I need to be a better listener and ask better questions. I think I learned something here today. Asking people how they feel about, or, relate to a topic allows a response that is much more revealing about them than just asking a factual question.
Hi,
I have been dating a lot lately but I only seem to have one date. I think I need to be a better listener and ask better questions. I think I learned something here today. Asking people how they feel about, or, relate to a topic allows a response that is much more revealing about them than just asking a factual question.
I love these videos so much! I’ve always had a hard time talking to people and I never thought that it was possible to learn how to improve. Thank you so much for helping me!
I love these videos so much! I’ve always had a hard time talking to people and I never thought that it was possible to learn how to improve. Thank you so much for helping me!